The Big 3-0

That's right, folks -- I am 30 years old today!! I'm sure that when I was born doctors didn't think I'd live to be thirty years old. But here I am, still kickin', doing pretty well if I do say so myself... :)
To live with a chronic illness isn't always easy, but I've tried to live the last 12+ years with an attitude of not allowing CF to control the path of my life.

In the last 12 years, I've graduated from high school. Met the love of my life. Graduated college. Got married. Became a teacher. Bought a house. Became a mother (x4). Started grad school....just to name a few things :) I am proud of how far I've come, but know that I'm not even close to living life as full as I absolutely can. I hope that I can soak up every minute of the next thirty years and then some!

To help celebrate THIRTY years, I am not asking for birthday gifts or a big party. I'd love to reach my fundraising goal of $5,000 for our Great Strides team. Currently, we have raised $3,285 which means we have $1,715 to go. Any donation to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation is GREATLY appreciated and helps go towards research for treatments to help improve the quality (and quantity) of my life!

Being a Mom with CF

Warning: Post ahead is not all rainbows and sunshine. It's reality.

Being a mom with CF is hard. Being a mom is hard. Being a mom and having a full time job is hard. Putting CF on top of those things makes it even more difficult. I'll admit, I haven't been 100% with my treatments for the last few months. At the end of my pregnancy I was so tired and uncomfortable. And now, I'm just tired! There have been evenings where I skip my second treatment to get to be a little earlier and at the time, I think that's okay. Sleep is hard to come by with a toddler and a newborn, so I try to take advantage, but it sucks that I have to skip a breathing treatment to do it.

I've been back at work for only two weeks now and I just texted my CF doctor about beginning oral antibiotics. Anyone with CF knows the defeat you feel when you have to "call in the big guns". Luckily for me, those "big guns" are still oral antibiotics and not IVs, but it still sucks. I feel like CF is winning and that I'm losing.

A week ago I didn't feel the greatest. I was having some sinus drainage along with a sore throat. But with snow one day and 60-70 degree temperatures a few days later, I chalked it up to the crazy weather and maybe allergies. Everyone in our house just seemed a little extra snotty, so I didn't think it was a big deal. But when I woke up and it hurt to breathe this morning, that's when I knew it wasn't just crazy weather or allergies. My lungs are not happy with whatever has been hanging around over the last week.

So now's the big debate - what to do? The typical antibiotic I go on when feeling this way is Cipro which is not the best for a nursing mother because it could be transferred to baby through my milk....or at least that's what I think I remember from when Anna was a baby. With her, she slept longer stretches at night, so I could wait until the medication wasn't at it's strongest point and then nurse her. While at work, I pumped and dumped and she was given bottles of extra frozen milk from previous weeks.

This time around, Calvin still wakes up every three hours at night to nurse, so I'm not sure how that's going to work with the Cipro. After doing some of my own research online (LactMed) and talking with other CF mothers, it seems like the Cipro is strongest 3-4 hours after taking a dose. I think I can swing it by continuing to nurse and then giving a bottle of previously pumped milk during the 3-4 hour post-dosage time. I'll also look into giving Calvin some probiotics to help keep his tummy happy while he's exposed to some extra medicine. Continuing to nurse him is really important to me. He's doing so well nursing and I'm not going to let this bump in the road stop that. I feel like nursing my kids is one thing that my body has been able to do right, so it's going to take a lot to get me to stop. If I have to be hooked up to the pump extra over the next 10-14 days, then so be it.

As of right now, I'm still waiting to hear back from my doctor, but I'm planning on starting the Cipro asap-- hopefully tonight or tomorrow morning. I know I need it before this gets any worse. My plan for the weekend is to rest as much as possible while trying to complete my Master's assignments for the semester (since we're busy the next two weekends).

Great Strides 2018

Our 2017 Bloomington team! :-)

Great Strides season is upon us! This year, the foundation has condensed several of it's walk sites in IL, so it took me a bit to decide which one our team should attend (the two we normally do are now gone). This year we're going to try to help Champaign's walk grow with our large team.

This year is also a special year for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. This is the 30th year of Great Strides! It also happens that I'll be turning 30 years old this summer! When I was born, in 1988, I don't think anyone expected me to live this long, let alone be thriving!

Since this year marks 30 years of living, thriving and beating CF, I'd love for this to be our biggest Great Strides year yet!

*Most number of people registered
*Biggest turn out in Champaign
*Largest amount raised for CF -- our team goal is $5,000 (or more)

To reach these goals this year, I need YOUR help. If you'd like to walk with us in Champaign this year, please make sure that your register online for free: http://fightcf.cff.org/goto/colleen30

If you're unable to attend the walk with us, but would still like to make a donation: http://fightcf.cff.org/goto/colleen30

If you're interested in walking at another location around the state or country: http://fightcf.cff.org/site/PageServer?pagename=strides_searchResults

Whether you can join us or not, to help raise awareness of CF and it's need for donations, feel free to share the link on your social media with friends, family, co-workers, etc. The more we make people AWARE of CF, the more likely we are to collect DONATIONS. And as we know, DONATIONS go to RESEARCH for MEDICATIONS and hopefully one day, A CURE!

38 Weeks

Thursday, February 1 - 38 weeks
This is it, Brother! We're in the homestretch! You did excellent on your ultrasound today - you were breathing a lot, way head down and facing my back. The tech said "baby knows how to exit!" After the ultrasound, I met with the nurse practitioner who checked my cervix. She said I'm about 2-3 centimeters dilated, that my cervix felt a lot lower than two weeks ago, and she could even feel your head. I asked her if she could help move things along a bit, so she went back in a swept my membranes. This means she tried to separate the fluid sac from the uterine lining. Sometimes this helps encourage contractions and labor, so I'm hoping it'll work for us. Since having that done this afternoon, I've had several contractions and some cramping. But now that I've been sitting for a bit tonight after doing my treatments, it's seems to have slowed down. Part of me wants to go straight to bed, another part of me wants to walk around the house to get things moving again. I'm just so antsy to meet you! We'll see how it goes tonight...

Oh, and how could I forget?! Your cousin, Adler, was born this afternoon!! I'm so excited to watch you two grow up together with your other cousins. :)

Friday, February 2 - 38w, 1d
Well, unfortunately nothing happened overnight except me being uncomfortable while I slept. I'm still having some bloody, mucus-y discharge every now and then, so maybe being up and moving at work today will get things going.

Sunday, February 4 - 38w, 3d
I'm still pregnant! All signs of labor beginning have tapered away. I've given up that you're going to make your appearance this weekend. I'm still really uncomfortable, but planning on trying to keep busy today to keep my mind off of not going into labor, and maybe tricking my body into go into labor, haha! Either way, I have five more days of work and just over a week until you're being evicted, so there is an end in sight! Daddy and I have also narrowed your name choices down to two, which is kind of exciting. Now to discuss a middle name....

Monday, February 5 - 38w, 4d
I had my last non-stress test today which was fairly uneventful. I did have about 4 contractions in the half an hour I was hooked up, but they didn't seem to care. I also had them every eight minutes on the drive back home, but then slowed down once I was up and moving for the evening. Even if you decide not to come on your own, it's very reassuring to know that you'll be in our arms in a week! I'm actually starting to look forward to the induction because I know the end result will be SO worth it, even if I don't necessarily want to be induced.

Today also marks one year since our twin boys were born and left this earth. I thought about them quite a bit today, and a lot over the weekend. It's hard to believe an entire year has gone by since we were able to see their faces, hold their tiny little bodies, and kiss their little heads. I'm really glad that Brother did not make his appearance today because I really wanted our boys to have separate birthdays. I'm also very thankful that this pregnancy has been going so much smoother than theirs. It's wonderful to see that my body still knows what to do after such a tragedy. Not a day goes by that I don't think about those two little sweet faces. I am so happy to have their footprints permanently on my body to remind me of our two boys who are no longer with us, but never, ever forgotten.

Tuesday, February 6 - 38w, 5d
It's been a rough day for me. I woke up feeling very uncomfortable and basically remained that way all day. Brother was sitting super low, so I tried to balance sitting down at work for comfort, but walking/standing to try to help convince him to come out....no luck. This evening I tried to take a bath to relax, but with a 3 1/2 year old in the house, that didn't go over so well. I spent the next hour or so trying to catch up on work and homework -- got all of my work caught up, not so much my homework that's due Sunday night. I am SO ready to have this baby! Three more days of work this week and then we just have to get through the weekend. Monday cannot come soon enough right now!

36 & 37 Weeks

Thursday, January 18 - 36 weeks!
9 months pregnant, here we are! I didn't know if this day would ever come again for me after having the twins so early. I didn't know if my cervix would ever be able to carry another baby to term, but we've made it (technically, full term is next week, but still). I can't wait to see how big you are today, they're finally measuring you again. A month ago you were estimated to be just over 4lbs. I wouldn't be surprised if your'e right around 6lbs today, we'll see. A lot of people have commented on how big I've gotten over the last couple weeks, so you're definitely growing enough that people are noticing.

Thankfully, I'm still feeling pretty good. I have to waddle whenever I walk, but I'm really not that uncomfortable while at work. I've been pretty good about balancing my sitting, standing and walking around which helps. I just have to make sure I wear comfortable shoes, otherwise my back does begin to hurt after a while. Sleeping hasn't been too terrible - I think I'm just getting used to having to turn over several times a night. It's very uncomfortable if I wake up on my back, so I try my best to stay on my side all night. I just have to flip (which is a process!) back and forth all night because my hips get sore. My contractions are still very inconsistent, but I've noticed over the last day or two they are getting a little lower in my uterus and a little more uncomfortable. Brother is also getting so big that he sometimes stretches and/or kicks way down in my hips which does not feel good. Really though, these are all pretty small things. I am very happy that I am still able to work and plan to work up until I go into labor, basically. I've even joked with my coworkers about my water breaking at school! I'm going to start keeping mine & Brother's hospital bags in my car, I think, just in case that really does happen.

Friday, January 19 - 36w, 1d
We had a good appointment yesterday, Brother! I've gained about 16lbs this pregnancy and it seems like a good portion of that is you right now! You passed your biophysical profile - you were moving a ton during the ultrasound, practicing your breathing and you had a good level of fluid. The ultrasound tech also took your measurements and you're estimated weight is already over six pounds (6lbs 8oz, 64th percentile)!! Now, I know that ultrasounds are not the most accurate, and I did ask for a tech who could speed through my ultrasound yesterday because I had to get Anna to swim. I'm guessing you're closer to just six pounds right now, but we'll see. Either way, you're growing very well and the doctor said that you'd be just fine if you were born any time now.

After the ultrasound, they did my Group B strep test (a swab down below) and then she checked my cervix. She said it was way back there, but it's about half way thinned out and about one centimeter dilated. She said if she pushed a little harder, she probably could have felt your head, but she didn't want to make me too uncomfortable. You were way head down during your ultrasound, so that's good, too.

There's been talk of inducing me a little early due to my gestational diabetes, but I'm still on the fence about it. Although it would be nice to have an "ending date", I'd really like you to come on your own when you're ready. But, on the other hand, the doctor said that if we wait too long, it could cause some complications due to the gestational diabetes...plus, you're already getting big (but they are not concerned about your size, you are not "too big" right now). So, it's a discussion that we will continue each week at my appointments and just kind of see how things are going. I was scheduled for an induction with Anna and never ended up needing it because she came on her own, and I'd really like the same for you, but we'll see. Either way, you'll be here in just a matter of weeks!! :)

Friday, January 26 - 37w, 1d
37 weeks seems so close to the end, yay! As usual, I had an appointment yesterday and, as usual, you're doing great. Your head was way down low so there was no chance of seeing your little face. Your booty is up high and always wiggling around. Your fluid level still looked good, you were moving like crazy and practicing your breathing -- everything you're supposed to be doing.

I'm still hanging in there, luckily, still not terribly uncomfortable. I'm big, I'm waddling, but I'm not in pain. I'm just inpatient and ready to hold you!! My contractions have continued, but still irregularly. A couple days this week, I thought I might have been dripping some fluid, but it turns out I might have just been dripping some pee instead...oh the joys of the end of pregnancy!

My group B came back positive (did with Anna, too), so I'll be sure to get a round of antibiotics during my labor to help keep you healthy during delivery. We have an induction date set - I reluctantly agreed. Originally they wanted it to be at 39 weeks, but I pushed back a little and we compromised for a few days later. Doctors do not want me going past my due date because the risk of you being stillborn increases because of my gestational diabetes and my need for insulin. As I've mentioned before, as much as I can't wait to see you and hold you, I really don't want to have to be induced. I'm worried it'll not work or lead to a c-section. I voiced my concerns, but my doctors feel I'll do well with an induction because my body is already (very slowly) beginning to prepare for labor and because I've had a successful vaginal delivery in the past. So, if you could come on your own any time now, I'd be totally okay with that! :)

I'm very lucky to have an awesome maternity leave sub who's going to fill in for me while I'm gone at work. She's been coming in to watch me, get to know the kids better, and see what we're doing for the last week or so. It's wonderful having an extra set of hands around sometimes, and it's been really nice getting everything set for her. Unfortunately, I'll only be able to take six weeks off because that's all I have sick time for. So really, the later Brother comes, the better for me because it'll get my maternity leave that much closer to backing up to spring break.

Wednesday, January 31 - 37w, 6d
Tomorrow is officially baby month! I am so ready! Last night I was having inconsistent contractions for a couple hours, but eventually they slowed down and disappeared overnight. Brother felt a lot lower this morning and I was pretty uncomfortable at work today for the first time. I'm hoping the contractions keep up so that he can make his appearance soon. :) Tomorrow I am going in for my scheduled appointment and the NP should be checking my cervix. I'm hoping that'll help get things moving along, too.

32 & 33 Weeks

First day of winter break, woke up early with
Daddy so he could get my picture before leaving for work

Thursday, December 21 - 32 weeks
Not too much to report today, other than that shirt barely fits me anymore! Anna had her first dentist visit today and was a total rockstar! No tears and she did everything they asked her to, some of it even with a smile on her face. :) After the dentist, we went to the bank, the library and then out to lunch together.
This afternoon, she took a nice, long nap while I relaxed on the couch. You had the hiccups (again - you get them at least once a day!) and were rolling around quite a bit. I think I had several Braxton Hicks again, but sometimes it's hard to tell if that's what it is, or if it's just you laying/pushing in a weird position. I'm glad I have a doctor appointment tomorrow so they can check you and your growth. I'm going to the local clinic since my regular MFM team isn't in the office on Fridays. I'm curious about what they'll say about everything. I'm on to weekly appointments right now, and starting in January, I'll be going twice a week. As much as it's going to suck driving there and back two times a week, it'll be nice and reassuring to have you monitored so often. Some days I feel like you're due date is so far away, but then other days (like today with the Braxton Hicks) I worry that you're going to come early.

Friday, December 22 - 32w, 1d
Good appointment today, Brother. :) Four weeks ago you were measuring small/normal in the 16th percentile. Today, you were measuring in the 37th percentile! You're weight was estimated to be about 4lbs 3oz - up almost two pounds from four weeks ago. I'm so proud of how well you're growing! No wonder I'm starting to feel huge and uncomfortable. I know that ultrasounds aren't always the most accurate, but it's reassuring to see you growing so well.

Tuesday, December 26 - 32w, 5d
We've made it through Christmas and I am so ready for you to be here! My plan for today is to get all of Anna's new toys put away so we can start taking down the Christmas decorations. I feel like it's Baby Crunch Time and finally time to focus on getting your room finished. Daddy has to put up the moulding, finish your rocking chair, put up your shelves, assemble your crib...and then I think we can finally start organizing your room. I can't wait to get in your closet and pull everything out. I've been itching to organize for months, and now that Christmas is over, there's nothing else in the way.

Thursday, December 28 - 33 weeks
One more week of winter break. Christmas decorations and toys are all put away. Daddy started working on the crown and moulding in your rom. He also started reorganizing the basement a bit so he can put all of the extra stuff from your room into the basement. Slow and steady....we're getting there.

The last few days I've been really concerned about catching the flu when I go back to school. I've seen so many people posting on FB about catching the flu and how they've never felt worse - it makes me nervous to go back to school. I'm worried that I'll catch it and need to take several days off work and possibly end up in the hospital. I can't really afford to get sick right now, plus I barely have enough sick days available for maternity leave, let alone sick time before you arrive. Yesterday, Anna and I had to run a bunch of errands, and I ended up wearing my mask in all of the stores because I was afraid to catch someone else's germs. I wish I could quarantine myself for the rest of your pregnancy to make sure that both of us remain healthy! I'm going to ask the doctor today if I can have some TamiFlu to keep on hand in case I start feeling crumby over the next few weeks.

Saturday, December 30 - 33w, 2d
Your appointment on Thursday went well. You were moving, practicing your breathing and had a good level of fluid. Every week from here on out, they'll be checking those things through an ultrasound until you're born. I'll also be getting weekly non-stress tests, where they'll monitor your movements, heart rate and if I'm having any contractions and how you react to them. My first one is on Monday. You'll be measured in another two or three weeks, but at the rate you're growing, I'm guessing you're going to be bigger than Anna was when she was born.

30 & 31 Weeks

Thursday, December 7th - 30 weeks
Something about getting to 30 weeks today really gets me excited and feels like an accomplishment. It's like we're in the home stretch! The longer you're in there, the less nervous I get about you being born early. I know that nothing is guaranteed, but I feel like as each week passes, your chance of survival just increases that much more.

Your movements have been getting so much more interesting. You're still sitting pretty low, but because you're getting bigger and running out of room, your movements are a lot more noticeable from the outside, especially when I'm reclining or laying. It's so fun to watch you jerk around and guess what we're seeing - a head, your back, legs, arms?! Sometimes it feels like you're doing the worm! You've had some really strong kicks/punches lately which always catch me off guard! But this is absolutely my favorite part about being pregnant. I love feeling you move all day long and I especially love watching you move in the evenings. Every little (or big) jab is an excellent reminder of how lucky we are that you're still doing well. Along with your movements, comes some tightness in my belly sometimes. I can't tell if these are Braxton Hicks or just the way you're positioned at the time. They don't hurt too bad, just a weird tight feeling and don't typically stick around for long. I know it's pretty normal to be having Braxton Hicks around this time (and I think I did with Anna). I'll have to run it by my nurse on Monday and see what she thinks.

Sunday, December 10 - 30w, 3d

Your room is painted! It was a big deal for me to get the room painted because it's one step closer to becoming your room and farther away from being the office. I love the blue we chose - it looks excellent on the wall and on your crib.

One wall is blue and the rest are gray

Your room is far from done and ready, but I feel like we made good progress this weekend. It's going to be tough getting anything done the next two weekends because of family Christmases, so I foresee Daddy working some evenings after work to keep going on some projects. We're quickly running out of time before you're here, but I don't care, I'm getting so excited!

Your little head or booty sticking up!

Monday, December 11 - 30w, 4d
I had an appointment today with the nurse practitioner at MFM and everything is going well. Sugars have been decent the last two weeks and your constant movements let us know that you're doing well, too. Your heart rate was 140s-150s today, my weight gain is good (about 13lbs so far) and that's about it. Nothing exciting, which is good. Even though we're within single-digit weeks of you being born, we need you to stay comfy for several more!

Thursday, December 14 - 31 weeks
We're two months (and one day) away from your official due date! I'm heading to CF clinic today, so I'm curious to see what my numbers look like. I started inhaled TOBI about a week ago and it slowly seems to be helping. I'm guessing (and hoping) I won't have to go back until after you're born. I am not looking forward to the long drive today!

Monday, December 18 - 31w, 4d
My clinic appointment went well on Thursday. My lung function remains at 85% and my small airways even increased slightly, so that's always good to hear. I'm not a big fan of the way TOBI is making me feel (scratchy cough, dry mouth), but it seems to be helping for now. Dr. Dowell did say that I am welcome to stop TOBI at any time and get back on Cayston. I'm coming up on two weeks on TOBI, so I'm hoping to stick it out the full four weeks to introduce my lung bacteria to a new med that it hasn't been exposed to in years.
The doctor wants me to come back one more time in January, but as long as I'm feeling well, I'm not planning on going. I do not have enough sick days to cover my maternity leave, so I don't want to use up one more before I have Brother.

We celebrated our first family Christmas on Saturday with Tim's whole family. It was a lot of fun hanging out with everyone! Anna had a good time with her cousins, even took a nap for a while in between all of her fun. It was all fine and dandy until Anna threw up four-five times on the way home. It's an hour drive between Grandma's and home, but Saturday night took us about two hours. The poor girl was complaining of a stomach ache about 20 minutes into our ride, so we figured she had to go to the bathroom and told her we'd stop at the next gas station....until we heard the all too familiar sound. :( We pulled over and got her cleaned up as best as we could. Thankfully she had received some new clothes and jammies that day, so we changed her into those. This happened three more times on the way home and we were quickly running out of things to clean her up with and things to change her into. It was a long, exhausting, late night.
It turns out, whatever she had eaten must not have agreed with her. Even though we all ate the same stuff, her body did not like something. She ended up puking up absolutely everything in her tummy, even after we got home. Finally, around 4am, she was done and was able to get some sleep. Thankfully, when she woke up yesterday, she was on the mend. She was able to keep down water, then some medicine, then apple sauce and toast. By early afternoon, I had to keep her from jumping on her bed - she was feeling back to normal! I'm really grateful that she didn't have a fever to go along with it and that it only lasted those 12ish hours. I'm also very glad that she is feeling back to herself and can go to school for these last few days before break, and that Tim and I didn't get sick right along with her.

28 & 29 Weeks

Thursday, November 23 - 28 weeks
Happy Thanksgiving! I am beyond thankful to be having such a normal, easy, healthy pregnancy this time around! I'm so excited to officially be in the third trimester now -- you'll be here before we know it!
Today was a busy, but productive day. Daddy finished the ceiling in your bedroom and hung your ceiling fan. Tomorrow I'm hoping he'll clear out the room so we can finally paint the walls! We also started putting up our Christmas decorations around the house today. I'd love to get a tree soon so we can put the presents around it, since they've been wrapped since Halloween. This year we have six stockings hanging along the mantel. Mommy, Daddy, Anna, Baby A, Baby B and yours. :) It was a little sad seeing their little stockings and name plates from last year, but I plan to keep them up in memory of your brothers.

Sunday, November 26 - 28w, 3d
Back to the daily grind tomorrow and finally another ultrasound! We had a great, relaxing yet productive weekend. I always look forward to this weekend because we get to spend so much time together as a family. Its the longest weekend we typically have off together all year.

I'm really looking forward to your ultrasound tomorrow because it's been six weeks since you've been measured and about a month since we've had an ultrasound. I'm sure you're going to look so much bigger! I just hope you're not getting too big.

Tuesday, November 28 - 28w, 5d
I had your appointment yesterday and everything went very well. You are definitely not too big, in fact, measured small-normal at around the 13th percentile. At first this concerned me a bit because the last time you were measured, you were in the 45th percentile, so that seemed like a big drop to me, but the nurse assured me that they aren't worried at all. She said you could have been going through a growth spurt the last time you were measured.

Needless to say, I don't think we're going to have any issues with you getting too big by the end of this pregnancy. I think we're actually going to be more aware that you're not too small...just like we did with Anna. Your estimated weight was about 2lbs 7oz which is right on track according to the nurse and my apps, so that's really good. I thought you looked so big in there, and completely squished. You were moving all around while the tech was measuring you and had your legs in front of your face pretty much the whole time. Every now and then you'd peek out between your legs and we'd see your nose and lips. You were also clapping the bottoms of your feet together at one point which was pretty funny. We also saw you practicing your breathing, which is excellent that you're doing that already.

I'll go back in two weeks for just a regular check-up, no ultrasound. And then after that, I go back right after Christmas and I'll be 32 weeks, so that's when the appointments will start happening twice weekly because of the gestational diabetes. Speaking of, my sugars have been better - although, not the best when we eat out at Chinese or Culver's! But, for right now, they are not increasing my insulin since overall the numbers seem to be getting better, so I was happy about that. Yesterday, I also got the whopping cough vaccine, so that I can pass some of it on to you before you're born.

Monday, December 4 - 29w, 4d
Wow, December already - that means you'll be here in just two short months! I'm so excited! I can't wait to snuggle your little squishy self! Although, it's going to be a long two months because the last few days my discomfort has really kicked in. I've been having a hard time getting comfortable when sleeping, standing/walking for too long makes me hurt, and standing after sitting or laying is not fun either. I don't know how I'm going to make it another two months - lots of sitting.
A coworker made the comment yesterday, "you better watch it because that's how it all started last time". I didn't even think of that, but she's right. I was getting really uncomfortable like this a few weeks before I had the boys. But somehow, this feels different. This feels like normal pregnancy progression discomfort. I'm not having any leaking or discharge and Brother is moving around all the time, which is really reassuring. I go back to the doctor a week from today, so we'll see how I feel then and I'll definitely be bringing it up if I become concerned.
In other news, we are still completely stuck on what to name you! I thought we had it narrowed down to a couple choices, but then we look at lists again and add/change things. I really hope we can choose soon because it's driving me crazy! I had a dream the other night that we had you home from the hospital for a week and you still didn't have a name. Your name is going to end up just being Brother! Ha!

26 & 27 Weeks

Thursday, November 9 - 26 weeks
Good morning from Milwaukee, Brother! We'll be spending the next three days here learning about teaching science with several of my coworkers. I'm really happy that I'm feeling well enough to walk all over for the next few days - there would have been NO way I could make this trip when I was pregnant with your brothers.

You were so squirmy this morning, as soon as I woke up. It was a nice thing to wake up to. :) I'm excited to see what Daddy and Anna get done at home, while I'm gone, on your room. Last week Daddy was able to put drywall on the ceiling, so now he just has to patch the hole in the wall between your room and the kitchen, then I'm hoping we can start painting before he does the wood on the ceiling.

Thursday, November 16 - 27 weeks
We made it to another "viability milestone" this week, according to my app, because your lungs "are developed enough". Your organ systems are mostly developed by now, so the rest of the time will be focused on developing your brain and growing some fat on your little body. The closer and closer we make it to your due date, the more excited I am about bringing you home, and the more it's becoming a reality. You still have lots of growing to do, so stay cozy in there for several more weeks, please.

As I get closer to my third trimester, and since I'm officially a gestational diabetic, they're going to be keeping a much closer eye on both me and Brother. Once I hit 32 weeks, I'll be seen twice a week! One of those days will be a non-stress test and the other will be an ultrasound. Since I'm now on insulin, which seems to be helping, they want to monitor Brother's growth and fluid level, especially as this pregnancy progresses. As long as he's not getting too big, he'll hopefully be able to stay in there for a long time.

I'm supposed to be starting a meal-time insulin (faster acting) with dinner, but I'm waiting on Walgreens (or, most likely, insurance) to tell me it's approved. The overnight insulin I'm on seems to be helping my fasting sugars, especially now since we increased the dose to 8 units before bed. Everyone involved in this process - CF doctor, CF dietician, high risk team, and high-risk OB dietician - have all been communicating really well with each other, keeping my CF in mind and Brother in mind. It's really nice to have support from all sides and I'm glad we're all finally on the same page about insulin. They all tell me that my sugars are basically going to get more uncontrollable as I continue to progress through this pregnancy, and that I'll probably have to continue to increase my insulin dose until Brother is born. It was frustrating at first to see my sugars all over the place, even after eating healthy meals, but I'm glad I'm not doing anything wrong. It's just a combination of baby growing, CF, and pregnancy.

This week, the waddle is in full-effect. Brother is sitting very low and sitting/standing for too long makes me uncomfortable - also, transitioning from sitting to standing, or the other way, is sometimes uncomfortable. I can only imagine what it's going to be like teaching in January with an even bigger baby to lug around, but I know I can handle it.

I'm looking forward to getting more done on Brother's room over Thanksgiving weekend. That's the one time of year where Tim and I have 4 days off together, and we are typically very productive. Brother's room needs a ceiling and some paint on his walls before we can start with the fun part - decorating! I can't wait to get his crib up, start arranging his furniture and washing/organizing his clothes!

Wednesday, November 22 - 27w, 6d
The ceiling coverage began last weekend and will hopefully finish tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to painting the walls in your room because it's going to start making it seem more like "your room" instead of the office still (or as Anna still calls it, my "treatments room").

I started a mealtime insulin on Friday night that seems to be helping. It feels really good to be able to eat what I want now without worrying too much about my sugars. I'm hoping that keeping them in better control will help keep you healthy when you're born. At my last OB appointment, they checked my A1C level and it was 4.6 which is actually lower than it was at the beginning of my pregnancy, so I was very pleased. I'm looking forward to your appointment on Monday because they're finally going to measure you again. I can't wait to see how big you're getting. Your big movements are getting more visible from the outside, and your smaller movements are getting more noticeable throughout the day, even when I'm standing, and you've even had the hiccups a couple times within the last week or two. :)

I just can't wait for you to be here - I can't wait to snuggle you! Bring on the third trimester and let's hope it goes by just as quickly as the last two have!

20 & 21 Weeks

Friday, September 29th - 20w, 1d
We made it to the half way mark and it feels so good!! Yesterday I had my appointment and the nurse practitioner said that my cervix "looks perfect" and neither of us have any current worries right now. I'm having no pain, no unusual discharge, no cramping, etc. I feel huge, and I'm clearly much bigger than I was with Anna at 20 weeks, but all that I care about is that Little Brother is growing well and my body is holding steady -- both of those things are happening, so I'm very happy.

In two weeks, Tim and I will go in for Little Brother's "big" scan, where they do a nice, long ultrasound to examine every little inch of his body. The twins were born the day before their big scan, so I'm a little nervous as we approach this time, too.
As I'm learning, the anxiety never fully goes away, it's just presenting itself in different ways. At the beginning of my pregnancy, I was terrified to be excited or get attached to the idea of another baby. I was sure that we would going to lose the pregnancy and I didn't want to get my hopes up. Once we knew things were progressing well, I was having anxiety in between and up to each new doctor appointment. I was afraid that I'd get to an appointment and there wouldn't be a heart beat anymore. Recently, I needed to get past the 19+4 mark, and now that we're there, I still can't fully let my guard down. Although everything about this pregnancy has been extremely normal so far, I am too afraid to get my hopes up completely. Of course I'm still embracing this pregnancy - we're still buying little outfits for him, thinking of how to get his room together (clearly from the pictures, that's still a major work in progress), thinking of names, etc., but something in my mind won't let me 100% relax about this pregnancy, but I'm not surprised. Just because we hit 20 weeks, doesn't mean that he can't be born at 22, 23 or 24 weeks. Who's to say he's not going to come early in the 30s?! Heck, I might need to be induced because he won't come out on his own (I'd be okay with that!), but we just never know. I am happy to say that I am much more relaxed during this pregnancy than I expected to be, but there's always going to be something for me to worry about until he is here safely in my arms - IN FEBRUARY and not any sooner!

Monday, October 2nd - 20w, 4d
Baby movements!! You started moving around noticeably at the Cardinals game Friday night that Daddy and I went to. Since then, I've even been able to feel several little bumps outside of my belly with my hands! This is what I had been waiting for! What a sigh of relief every single time I feel a nudge! It's like you're telling me, "Hey mom, I'm still in here and I'm doing well." :) I can't wait for them to get a bit more noticeable so that Daddy and Anna can feel them, too!

This weekend was a good one, but had it's moments. Daddy and I had our first night out together in a long time. We went to the Cardinals game Friday night and spent the night in St. Louis. We picked up Anna to find out that she has an ear infection. After that first dose of medicine, you would never know it! She's back to her ornery old self again, but is a bit more tired than usual. I also got my flu shot on Saturday while we were picking up Anna's antibiotics...'tis the season for germs....

I worry about having you in the middle of flu season. I'm going to be very protective of you (and myself) when you're born. I don't want anyone coming to visit you in the hospital and will probably limit the amount of people that see you right after you're born, too because I'm worried that one or both of us will get sick. We were bringing Anna everywhere with us right after she was born, but in the middle of winter with sick people everywhere, I definitely think we're going to be staying home quite a bit more with you.

Anyway, the rest of the weekend was spent shopping more for your room - I think we finally settled on a color scheme of gray and dull navy blue - and then working on homework for me. Things are super slowly coming along for your room, but we're getting there. We are getting ideas down, it's now up to finding the time for Daddy to get the work done. Hopefully he'll make some good progress this month - can't believe we're in October already! November and December will fly by because of the holidays, and then it'll be a month before you're here already!! This pregnancy really is flying by! :)

Friday, October 6 - 21w, 1d
Your movements are slowly getting stronger and more noticeable throughout the day and I love it! I've had Anna try and feel a couple times, but of course you always stop. I think you're going through another growth spurt because of how big I'm getting. I'm really looking forward to your anatomy scan next week!

This week has been exhausting for me, work-wise. Yesterday I feel like I just hit a wall. After school I was trying to get work done and my head was just pounding, to the point where I laid my head down at my desk and closed my eyes for a little while until I was able to find someone in the building with some Tylenol. I don't know if it's all just catching up with me, or if I was just overtired yesterday, but it sucked. I ended up coming home after getting Anna and laying in bed for a little while, forced myself to complete my master's homework in my room with the lights off, ate dinner and went to bed (I even skipped my treatments because the thought of vibrating with a massive headache did not sound so appealing). Of course now I'm kicking myself this morning for skipping my treatments, but I know that one time is not the end of the world. There's always just so much to do between work, being evaluated this year, working on my master's, keeping up with housework, planning Little Brother's room....I just feel like I can't ever get a break!

I know I shouldn't complain. I'm very lucky to be in the situation I'm in. I'm so lucky to be healthy enough to be pregnant again. I've come across an amazing opportunity to get my master's done over the next year or so. I really do love my job and my family. But I think it's starting to hit me how much I really got myself into this semester! :) I'm about halfway done with my master's classes, so we're starting to get into the bigger papers/projects now which just feels like more busy-work. But, that's life and I know I'll be really happy when this part is over and done!

Clinic Day

Just a quick post about my clinic appointment today.

I've been feeling really good, CF-wise, the last couple of months. A few weeks ago I was having some sinus issues, but I'm not sure if it was a cold or just allergies/change of weather. Whatever it was, thankfully it didn't stick around long and didn't get into my lungs. 

Today's appointment went well. As usual, I dreaded the three hour drive to Chicago (and would be okay never going to the city again if it wasn't for my amazing doctor). I made good time and was even called back right at my scheduled appointment time. I was a little nervous to do my PFTs today because when I was about this pregnant with the twins and did PFTs, I'm convinced it played a part in what set things in motion into their labor about a week or two later. Either way, this is a different pregnancy and I'm feeling completely different - in a good way. My lung function is stable at 85% today, which I was glad to see, but not surprised. My weight is slowly, steadily increasing. Doctor said I looked and sounded really good, and honestly, there wasn't really much to talk about this time around. I'll be going back in three months...and hopefully then again after I have Little Brother (even though I know she'll want to see me again). Overall, it was a successful clinic day and I'm glad that my body and lungs are cooperating with this pregnancy! 

10 & 11 Weeks

Friday, July 21 - 10w, 1 d

Here you can see my day-to-day belly

Ten weeks, it's hard to believe. I feel like summer just began. I feel like we just went through IVF. It also means that we're just two weeks out from spilling the beans about you, little bean, and your cousin! Although, around town, I haven't really been hiding it physically. Some of our friends know, and the most important people will find out your sister's birthday party, so who cares if people in town know - who are they going to tell?

This picture is cuter, but makes me look bigger than I am

Third pregnancy + CF belly + previously pregnant with twins = Big belly already (especially since I'm still in my first trimester). I don't care anymore. I'm just embracing it. I'm hoping that'll make me realize that this is real. 

I decided to do our belly pictures in front of your room. Then throughout the progression of the pregnancy, we can also see the progression of your room coming together. As you can see, right now it's a HOT mess, but this was taken yesterday. Since then I've taken all of my school stuff to my classroom yesterday, and took all of our left over garage sale stuff to charity today, so it's already a little clearer. Daddy has a lot of work to do, but we've got time. :)

Monday, July 24 - 10w, 4d

I've been feeling really good over the last few days. There are still some things that don't smell or look appetizing sometimes, but if I remember correctly, that's going to happen for a while. Other than that, I've been doing well. I'm working on keeping my sugars in check, which sometimes I'm better about than others.

I think deciding to do the pictures in front of your room, plus Anna's upcoming birthday party, really has motivated Daddy to start working on your room. We're going to move my desk to the basement, my treatments into the living room, and the butcher block table to either the shed or the basement. Once we do that, we can focus on your room. We (and by we, I really mean Daddy) need to removed the popcorn from the ceiling and fix the bulge/crack. Then we're going to add the same type of ceiling that's in Anna's room (white-washed something, I can't remember what it's called - that's been happening a lot lately). Daddy will also have to drywall over where the doorway used to be to the kitchen. He also wants to add access to the attic through your room, but it'll be closed off for now. Then comes the painting, decorating and organizing. He'll be quite busy, but I'm excited to see it several months from now! :) 

Tuesday, July 25 - 10w, 5d
I am getting really sick of these progesterone shots! Daddy's been giving me one every night for exactly two months now. My skin has been super sensitive to everything since getting pregnant, so it gets really irritated if I leave a band-aid on for too long. My right side has been bleeding a lot after the last few times, and my left side is itchy and irritated. We're getting so close to being done, I hope. The fertility clinic said August 4th (next Friday!) would be my last one, but I'll be double checking with MFM on Monday.

Sunday, July 30 - 11w, 3d
My appointment is tomorrow afternoon and I'm getting nervous & excited. I know that you'll start to look slightly more baby-like and I'm excited for Anna to see you. I don't think the nerves before each appointment will ever go away.

Monday, July 31 - 11w, 4d
Just got back from my doctors appointment. We did not have an ultrasound today, but we (Anna and I) were able to hear your heart beat through the Doppler. It was a nice, strong 180bpm and the nurse said that you were moving around a lot. She had to keep searching for you - she'd get your heart beat and then you'd move! It was reassuring the hear your heart beat, twice, as well as the nurse telling me that everything sounded great. She could hear some little bumps that she said was from you moving around, too. I'm glad you're active and I can't wait until I can start feeling it myself.

Today, I also got my blood drawn to check for chromosomal abnormalities. This is also the test that will tell us your gender! I was really hoping we'd have the results by Saturday to add in with our pregnancy announcement, but the results take 7-10 days to get back, so we'll find out next week. That's still exciting and I can't wait to know.

I forgot to ask about when I can stop my progesterone, so luckily I have one of the doctor's cell phone numbers - I just texted her to ask. The fertility clinic told me August 4 (this Friday) would be my last day, but I wanted to double check with MFM.

She just texted me back & I can stop on Friday, woo hoo!! Daddy's going to be so excited, too. That means, he's done 70 progesterone injections (and I've done one) since May 25th!!

I go back to the doctor in a month, at 16 weeks, but from there they will check me every two weeks, from 16-24 weeks to make sure that nothing is happening with my cervix. She said that since I didn't make it to 20 weeks with the twins, it's technically considered a miscarriage, but they're going to treat it like a previous preterm labor because it basically was. So they're going to be extra cautious and check me every two weeks for a while to make sure my cervix doesn't show any signs of shortening or opening. If it does, then there are options, but hopefully we won't have any issues -- but it's nice to know that they're planning on seeing me a lot and they were so nice today about telling me to call WHENEVER and if I ever have questions or issues.

29 Years

I've now been on this earth for 29 whole years. I'm sure when I was born, I wasn't "supposed to" live this long....take that CF! Right now, the median life expectancy for someone with CF is about 40. Better live up these last eleven years....kidding! I plan to surpass that "limit" too. It's weird to think that next year I'll be 30. I thought we'd be done having kids by now and just spend the rest of our lives raising them, but obviously that's not the way things are going, and that's okay!

I'm very lucky and thankful to be as healthy as I am today. Ten years ago I never imagined I would be where I am today. I thankful to have Kalydeco to help keep me stable so that I am able to raise a family, work full time and live a full life. So, for the next year, I plan to be 100% compliant with my treatments. I want my last year in my twenties to be a positive push in the direction of my health. I'd really like to start regularly exercising, but that one is always harder for me for some reason. One step at a time, back on track with 100% compliance (although, I'd say I've probably been around 90-95% lately).

Thanks to everyone who went out of their way to tell me happy birthday today - you sure know how to make a girl feel loved. Anna and I spent the day with Tim's grandma while Tim was at work. We went to a baseball game last night with his sister, her husband and their two boys. After the game we were able to see an excellent nearby firework show. Since we were going to get back late, it was smarter for us to stay in town for the night. Today we had a nice, relaxing day, and then a long crabby evening from all three of us! We're all exhausted and worn out, but I wouldn't have it any other way....well, maybe without the two hour meltdown from the almost three year old!

Love my life. Love my family. Here's to another healthy, happy year. :-)

10 & 11 Weeks

December 1 - 10 weeks!

Not much difference between this and eight weeks - but still difficult to hide!!

I'm ten weeks today and there's just something exciting about entering double digits! I am dying to tell everyone about BOTH of you, but I can't spill the beans just yet....but we're getting closer!! We're within two weeks of everyone knowing! I am SO excited for my ultrasound on Monday afternoon. You two are about the size of a Lego person this week and your arms/legs/joints are starting to move and bend - which I can't wait to see on the ultrasound. You're going to be so much more baby-like and much less blob-like! :)

As long as everything goes well on Monday, then on Tuesday I'm planning on taping our Christmas card to the board in the lounge, at school, where we put all of our announcements. It's getting extremely hard to hide my belly, and I'm pretty sure everyone at work is suspicious, but too afraid to ask! I'm going to ask them to keep it off social media until we mail the ones out to all family and friends on the 10th. 

The Christmas cards came in yesterday (two days early!) and they look great! I'm very pleased with how they turned out. I would have liked the fireplace picture to be bigger, but Daddy likes that you have to look at it closely to actually figure it out. It'll be so exciting to hear everyone's reactions and to see who actually notices. We're bringing two to Linda & Roger this weekend and I cannot wait to see their reaction!

December 6 - 10+6
Linda and Roger were very surprised! We had to ask them to look at the fireplace again because they didn't notice at first. Linda said NO WAY! And Roger said, No shit?! Then later he said, "Shit, I can't spoil three of them! :) That's the Roger answer I was expecting! :)

I had another ultrasound yesterday and you're both still in there! It seems silly now to think that you wouldn't be, but I just get worried. Everything looked good. They actually moved your due date up one day and I'm officially due June 28th - even though twins never make it to their due date.

I met with a new nurse practitioner at the MFM office yesterday who was fantastic! She answered all of my questions and we talked about a lot of things. You two are "Di Di" twins which means you each have your own sack and your own placenta. The NP told me this is the best kind of twins to have because you're at a lot less risk. You don't share a blood flow, or a placenta. You're each growing individually of each other, which means we most likely won't have to deal with one twin being the "bigger/dominant" twin. That really helped put my mind at ease. She also informed me that the national average for twin delivery is between 35 and 36 weeks, although 37 weeks is considered full term. She said they'll closely monitor you guys and me, and obviously right now there's no telling how long you'll be in there.
With a twin pregnancy, I'm at a higher risk for pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure) and gestational diabetes (the CF puts me at high risk, then the two placentas - she said it's a "triple-whammy"). These are things that they will closely monitor me for and we'll adjust accordingly. If I delivered around 36 weeks, that puts me at the very end of May/beginning of June. I just hope I can make it through the end of the school year!

December 13 - 11+6
The word is spreading quickly!!! We dropped our Christmas cards in the mail on Friday evening and people received them very quickly (yesterday was Monday). Lots of messages and texts with surprised notes! It's been so fun! Grandma Dorothy is VERY EXCITED to watch two babies and she is definitely not bailing on us! :)

The day after my doctor appointment, I put our Christmas card up in the lounge at school. I made sure to get their early so most people would see it as they came in in the morning. All it took was for a couple people to notice before they were pulling other staff members in to see the announcement! Many people understood quickly that I was pregnant, but lots of "look closer" and "count the stockings" comments were made by each other to help them see the surprise! I wish I could have been recording everyone's faces when they went from thinking it was one, to realizing it was two! HA! Lots of open mouths, terrified-for-you looks, but also lots of happy, that's-so-amazing faces, too! Lots of hugs and even a few happy tears! :) It was so fun! It's also been SO nice to be able to wear my maternity clothes to work this last week because I've just been so much more comfortable. My belly looks 4-5 months pregnant, but most of that is still just weight gain & a growing belly during the day from eating/digesting. I think after winter break it'll actually be babies making that belly. 

8 & 9 Weeks

November 17 - 8 weeks:

Nice belly already - this was taken in the morning & all I had eaten was one piece of toast.
See what I mean by it being difficult to hide & me getting strange looks!
I know most of it is just weight gained/CF, but still!

I am so tired!! I wake up tired, when I leave for work I'm tired, I am so exhausted throughout the day, and then with it getting dark so early, I've been ready for bed by 7! Haha! I do not remember feeling this exhausted during the day with Anna. I know, I know there are two babies in there, but still. I hope it passes soon so I can get my energy back!

Other than feeling tired all the time, I've been feeling really good. I haven't noticed any more nausea when I get hungry...but I am starting to notice that I'm hungry all the time! I'm also still fighting this cold that started about a week ago. Thankfully I think I'm finally over the dry, non-productive hacking cough part. Yesterday, and more so today, I've been producing a LOT more mucus and I've been getting a lot of it out. I'm supposed to start a new Cayston cycle in two weeks, but I might call next week to see if I can get it a bit early to help fight off the last bit of this cold. 

Hopefully in about three more weeks we can spill the beans! It's killing me trying to hide my belly and not say anything about being pregnant!

November 22: 8w, 5d
Still exhausted over here!! I even had a student point out yesterday that I kept yawning - oops! I'm also very hungry - I woke up in the middle of the night the other day (at 1:00am) to eat sour cream & onion chips and a string cheese. I don't know if I was dreaming about it, or what, but I woke up and had to have those! I'm hoping that does not continue...haha!

I'm slowly starting to feel better. I'm still coughing more than usual, but what's coming up (except first thing in the morning) has been pretty thin and yellow, so that's good. I think I'm going to keep my Cayston to start on December 1st, since that'll actually be here quicker than I think. I'm really looking forward to my next doctors appointment which is two weeks away. This week should fly by with Thanksgiving and having a nice, long weekend. But next week is back to a full week at work, so that'll seem to go by slow, I'm sure.

This past weekend, we shared the news with some of Daddy's family. We told them that I'm pregnant, and everyone is very excited! Grandma even said, "YES!" Everyone is assuming it's just one, so I can't wait to hear their surprise when they get their Christmas card! I think we're going to send them out after Isaac's birthday party, which is December 10th. Then everyone will get them right before we have our family Christmas on the 17th! :)

We have our pictures back from Heather and they turned out really cute. Now we just have to do the fireplace picture this week so we can create our cards. I'd like to see if we can get a good deal on them on Black Friday, but then it's going to kill me to have the cards in the house and not mail them out for another two weeks! We'll see...

I cannot wait to see these babies again! They're going to be so much bigger than the little blobs they were two weeks ago! I am constantly worrying that one just isn't going to be in there anymore, even though I've been feeling great. I've had no cramps, pain, bleeding, etc to suggest that, it's just hard when I can't feel anything this early on except wanting to sleep all the time. I guess I should take that as a good sign, right?!

6-7 Weeks

November 8 (Election Day): 6w, 5d
24 hours from now I'll be having my ultrasound and I cannot wait!! Daddy and Anna are going to meet me there, and I'll be running out of work as fast as I can after our meetings. Tomorrow is the day where we find out if there's one strong little baby, or if our life will be turned upside down with two! I think either there's two, or you're a boy because I've started having some nausea this week (and I didn't have that with Anna) - yuck! It has not been fun. Its typically in the morning right around when I'm about to eat breakfast. I don't know if its because I'm hungry, but it's something I have to get past and make myself eat because that usually makes it go away. Thankfully it doesn't usually come back throughout the day, but we'll see...
Daddy and I already have our Christmas card idea picked out and it's going to be really hard to get through Thanksgiving without telling anyone because I'll be 8-9 weeks by then. I've already noticed some people looking at me differently, but I haven't had anyone ask me yet. Most of my problem is that I've gained so much weight (in my belly, of course) over this summer/fall, so things aren't fitting correctly. I can't wait to stop hiding my belly and have it actually look like a baby bump!

November 9th: 6w, 6d
There are TWO of you in there!!!! They actually saw three gestational sacks originally, so for about five minutes Daddy and I thought we could be having triplets which was quite terrifying! She told us to not freak out and that she would just check each sack individually and see what we're dealing with. Baby A looked great and had a heart beat of 152 bpm. Baby B was a little harder to see because of it's position, but still measured great and had a heart rate of 135 bpm. The third sack ended up not having anything in it, so they called it a "blood sack" or something like that. They said it'll eventually just dissolve itself and shouldn't pose any problems.

Tomorrow I am scheduled for my routine CF appointment, so I'm excited to tell and talk to my doctor about what to expect. I'm hoping my lung function is better than last time, but I'm also feeling a bit of a cold coming on, so we'll see. I was 138.2lbs today, so I've already gained 4 pounds since the IUI three weeks ago....thanks, Kalydeco. It's getting extremely hard to hide my belly, and not because of the babies. It's because of my weight gain and it all going straight to my belly. I may have to tell people at work sooner than I planned because I'm already getting weird looks from people. I'm sure it'll become a hard baby belly soon enough though with this being my second pregnancy and with there being two babies in there.

After our ultrasound, Daddy, Anna and I went looking at car seats and double strollers at Babies R Us and Target. Double strollers are expensive, but we saw a really nice one at Babies R Us that we both really liked, so we'll have to start saving up. :) As of right now, the plan is to still share at Christmas on our card. The discussion now is to share whether there are two at Christmas, or wait until we know your genders. I want to put two on the Christmas card, Daddy wants to wait, so hopefully I can convince him to announce it sooner.

November 11: 7w, 1d
I don't think it has set in completely that there are two of you in there. I talk about "them" and "they" and "babies", but I don't think I've fully grasped what it's going to be like to take care of both of you at the same time! Luckily I have the next eight months to let it sink in! I am getting excited thinking about everyone finding out this Christmas, that it's going to be so hard not to say anything for the next month. I want to send out our cards in early December, just so everyone will know!

Oh, how could I forget?! I had my CF appointment yesterday and Dr. Dowell was surprised but so excited for us! She went running around the office showing off your ultrasound pictures, it was so funny. She isn't too worried about me staying healthy during this pregnancy since I am starting off really healthy. But, there aren't many oral antibiotics safe for you guys (especially now), so I'm hoping that I can fight this cold with extra treatments and extra rest. My weight wasn't as high as it was at the ultrasound the other day (must have been my large lunch that day!), but still stable at 134.9, which means I've gained only about a pound since the IUI -- seems more reasonable than the four I thought I gained the other day. My lung function was good, at 86%, so I hope it's able to stay around there throughout pregnancy. I have my first high-risk appointment scheduled for December 5th and I'm really looking forward to see how much you've both develop. It also means that after that appointment we can get our Christmas cards ready to send out - woo hoo!

November 14: 7w, 4d
We had our Christmas card pictures taken yesterday and I can't wait to see how they turned out. I wanted to do them early so we could do them outside before it got too cold. Heather (and Berkley) took our pictures and created a cute little sign for Anna that said "Only Child Expiring June 2017". She did so good smiling in the pictures and tolerating the chilly weather. We're also going to do an indoor picture with stockings over our fireplace, but we have to wait until we reorganize the living room and decorate for Christmas. I asked Daddy to get our stockings out of the attic, so all five are out in the living room. :) With your ultrasound pictures hanging up, and the two little baby stockings out, it's slowly starting to feel a bit more real.

Thankfully my sickness and nausea has gone away for the most part. It comes about whenever I get too hungry, so as long as I'm eating regularly, I've been feeling pretty good. Lung-wise, this cold sucks! I did three treatments a day Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I'll try to keep that up this week, too, because I don't think it's going away any time soon without antibiotics. It's not too bad throughout the day, but in the evenings my mucus production is nonexistent and my cough is so tight and dry. I'm scheduled to start Cayston December 1st, so maybe I can talk to Dr. Dowell about starting it a week early to help kick this cold if it's still lingering by then.

Other than that, my challenge for this week is to keep my belly hidden at work. It's still mostly just CF belly, but I think people are starting to get suspicious. I'd like to hold off until the Christmas cards go out, but we'll see. It's getting hard to find clothes (and non-maternity pants) that fit and hide things.

Our (In)Fertility Journey: Round Two, Part Two.

Feeling a little nervous about the way the last post ended....nothing compared to how nervous I was about this meeting! It was mid-cycle in July. This round of treatments had been canceled pending this meeting.

I asked Tim to take off work for this so he could be there to support me and hear our new plan of action. We discussed the first issue of how I had been ovulating on the wrong side for the past three months. Unfortunately, there is absolutely nothing a fertility clinic can do to have my body ovulate on a specific side - that was just up to my body. 

Another major issue that was brought to my attention was my uterine lining, or lack there of. Apparently in June and July, my uterine lining was "too thin" to sustain a pregnancy. So why they had me try an IUI in June I'm not really sure, but I didn't think of that until after we left. The oral drug, Fermara, I had been taking was supposed to help stimulate follicle growth as well as my lining, but it wasn't doing it's job and/or my body wasn't responding properly. This just blew my mind because it's exactly what we used to get pregnant with Anna, so why wouldn't it be working now? Mentally and emotionally, I wasn't ready for IVF yet. It was nearing the beginning of the school year which is one of the most stressful times of the year. I didn't want to use up all of my sick days for IVF appointments, and emotionally, I just wasn't ready to give up in IUI yet. It had worked before, why not now?! Thankfully, there was one more option left before IVF. 

After explaining to the doctor that I wasn't ready to start IVF yet, he said that there was one more thing we could try before IVF. We'd pursue IUI, but instead of taking Fermara, I'd do an injectable hormone. They'd put me on a low dose so I didn't over-stimulate, I'd still do the Ovidrel trigger shot and we'd still do an IUI as in cycles previous. I'd have to do a daily injection and have a couple more ultrasounds (plus blood work each time) to monitor my ovaries. The biggest concern was over-stimulation and a multiple pregnancy. Because of my CF, my fertility doctor (and high risk OB, but not as much) really wants to avoid a multiple pregnancy. I agreed to do the injectable hormones because I really wanted to keep trying for an IUI. We made a plan - we'd try the IUI with injectables and if I wasn't pregnant in October, then we'd take November off to prepare for IVF in December over Christmas break. This would allow us three more rounds (August, September and October) to try an IUI, and put my IVF over Christmas break which should help reduce the number of days I'd have to take off work for appointments. 

I was very thankful that the doctor was so understanding and that he listened to our wants and needs. I also appreciate that he is looking out for our best interest. He feels like we'd be very successful with IVF because we wouldn't have to worry about which side I'm ovulating on and because he thinks I'd respond to the medications well, but I just wasn't ready yet. Leaving that appointment, I felt very good. I loved the feeling of having a plan and I was glad that we still had a few IUI cycles left to try. I was very hopefully that the injectable medication would be exactly what we needed. 

Fast forward a couple weeks to the beginning of August when my cycle started again. I had to get in for my baseline ultrasound between days 1-3 of my cycle because I had to start the injectables earlier in my cycle than the oral meds. *In the last two weeks, the fertility clinic had contacted my insurance to get me approved for the injectable medication. Of course when they called to order it when my cycle started, that couldn't be an easy task either. My cycle started on a Wednesday and they wanted me to begin the injections that Friday night. I was on the phone with several different people Wednesday and Thursday trying to get this medication over-nighted to me by Friday and they were all giving me the run around. Then I found out that the medication that was prescribed wasn't covered by my insurance and it would cost thousands of dollars out of pocket -- that wasn't an option. So then I had to call the fertility clinic back to see if I could take the "generic" kind. Thankfully the nurse was amazing and got it all straightened out for me and my meds arrive on Friday afternoon. 

So, the injections weren't too bad. It was only one a day and the needle wasn't big. They were also preloaded in a cartridge which was really nice. I went into the fertility clinic a few days after starting. My follicles were responding well, but it looked like my biggest one(s) were going to be on the WRONG side AGAIN! I went back a few days later to double check and I had two huge follicles on the wrong side and one just under the wanted measurement on the correct side. I was almost in tears during the ultrasound. I was SO frustrated!!! They wanted me to do an IUI anyway (again). My lining responded perfectly to the medication and the doctor said there's always a chance that one of the follicles to move to the other side where my fallopian tube was (they've seen it happen, just not often). So, I actually triggered that night and we went in for the IUI on a Sunday, the day before I went back to school. Perfect timing. 

The whole week after the IUI I felt weird. I was having random cramping throughout the week and just felt a little off. The whole next week I felt absolutely nothing. Even though the start of the year was keeping me very busy, it was always on the back of my mind. We were running out of time. If this one didn't work, the next one would probably make me use a sick day or two for appointments - which is a sick day or two less saved up for maternity leave. On day twelve of my two week wait, I had some brown discharge which had me thinking in both extremes. Either it was implantation bleeding or the start of my period. Of course, I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. I convinced myself to chill out because it was still early. I didn't have any discharge on day thirteen and did not take a test. Day fourteen came and I couldn't bring myself to take a test. I didn't want to be disappointed yet again. The whole day, off and on, I was having brown spotting. It was driving me crazy because my period wouldn't just start already, so I kept going back and forth getting my hopes up that it was implantation bleeding. Finally, around dinner time, my period came on full-fledged, so I didn't have to think about it anymore. I can't say I was surprised, because again, we didn't have the right circumstances, but I really had my hopes up that first week after feeling so weird. 

So, I called the fertility clinic the next day (Monday) to start my second round of injectables. The night before, I was thinking to myself "we have two more months; two more shots to get this right before IVF". I was able to get an appointment for my baseline scan right after work. I headed over to the fertility clinic and during the scan, there looked to be a huge follicle on my correct side. For a split second I thought to myself, "Finally! Let's do this! Let's trigger for an IUI!" But I quickly realized that I just started my period, so there was no way I could already have a mature follicle - that's when I knew something was wrong. The girl who was doing my scan was obviously new because it took her forever and I could tell she didn't want to say much. When I asked her if it was a follicle already, she reluctantly said no, that it was a cyst. I knew it couldn't be a good sign. When she was finished, she told me to wait there until a nurse came to talk with me about next steps. 

The nurse was really nice, but you could tell she felt bad. She told me that the cyst isn't uncommon after all of the meds I had been on recently. She said that if we went ahead with this cycle and the injectables, that all of the hormones would go straight to the cyst which would just make it bigger. I had to start on birth control (what?!) to help get rid of the cyst. Apparently that helps get rid of them. I'd take a low dose birth control for three weeks, go back for a "cyst check", and if it was gone, I'd stop the birth control and wait for my cycle to begin again. While holding back the tears (emotional much?), I asked if we'd still have time to do one more cycle? I wasn't sure if we had to be pregnant by October, or if we could still try in October to be pregnant in November. She said that since my cycle will likely start towards the end of September, we'd still have time to try one more time before taking November off to prepare for IVF. And in that short time, "two more months" quickly turned into "one more month". 

So here we are, I've been on the birth control for just over a week now. I haven't had any side effects from it, but I'm so ready to be done. It is a little nice to not be stressed this month with fertility appointments, it's frustrating that we only have one more shot at IUI. Realistically, we could post-pone our IVF, but it takes months to get on the list (we were put on the list in July for December) because it fills up so fast. I can't put this off any longer. I'm at a point right now where I feel like IVF is just the way we have to go, and I really have a strong feeling that it's going to work for us because so many of the factors are controlled. Tim's struggling to accept IVF as our route. He feels like it's our last chance and doesn't want to give up on IUI when we haven't even had the correct circumstances. I completely understand where he's coming from, and I'm really bummed that IUI most likely isn't going to work for us this time, but emotionally and mentally, I don't know how many more rounds of it I can go through. He wants to keep trying month after month until my left ovary decides to get itself in gear, but we're already going on month five and I'm getting so drained. I don't think he completely understands how emotionally exhausting it is for me every month - he's better at controlling his emotions and not getting his hopes up than I am. But it's also not his body. I feel like my body is failing, and if there's another option that could potentially work better, than I think that's the route we have to take. I feel like people who don't go through fertility don't have a clue what couples go through. They don't realize how taxing it is on a relationship. I am so lucky that Tim has been so supportive throughout this entire process, and even talks about having a third child (which means he's willing to go through all of this again) one day. We'll see what the future brings, and we have to take this journey one step at a time. It's only something that him and I can decide together which is why we don't share much while we're going through it. 

Our (In)Fertility Journey: Round Two, Part One.

Here we go again...

*Reader beware: These posts will include talk of periods, ovulation, semen, etc...if you're uncomfortable, don't continue. I want to help spread the word about fertility treatments and help to inform others either going through it, thinking about, or anyone who can relate - especially people with CF.

Tim and I always knew we wanted to have more than one child...as many of you know, Tim always jokes that "only children are weird". When Anna was about 9-10 months old, my cycle finally came back. When she turned one, we decided to start trying on our own again, but soon realized we'd have to go the fertility round again when my cycles never regulated. 

In November 2015, I went to see our amazing fertility doctor to discuss the steps we'd need to take to try for another baby. I thought we'd have to go through more testing, blood work, etc. since it had been two years since I had gotten pregnant. Much to my surprise, he was pretty much ready to start me on meds right then and there! Tim and I weren't sure when we wanted to start fertility treatments exactly (he wanted to time things, I wanted to start asap), so I told the doctor we weren't ready just yet, but that I just wanted to know the direction we'd head when we were ready. He was understood and explained that we'd pick up right where we left off. We'd use the same oral hormone and ovulation injection, and go with an IUI which is what we did to get pregnant with Anna. All he wanted me to do was get the A-OK from the high risk OB team who took care of me during my first pregnancy. 

Tim and I decided that we'd try on our own for a little bit longer and pursue fertility in the spring/summer. I made my appointment with the high risk OB in March and she was so excited to see me back. She was very pleased with my health and was so excited to have me as a patient again. The only thing she needed me to do was have an echo on my heart to rule out pulmonary hypertension (which could be there because of my CF). She felt that with my health as good as it was, I'd be fine, but it was more of a formality. I had my echo done over spring break, in April, and the OB said it was "the most normal echo report I have seen in a while". She sent the results to the fertility clinic and said she'd see me "soon for an OB visit". If only it were that easy...

We decided to start fertility up in May since it was the end of the school year and I'd be able to have my appointments over the summer...plus, if it worked out, we'd be set for a spring baby -- aka: maternity leave at the end of the school year + longer time with baby over the summer. Again, if only it were that easy...

We went in at the start of my cycle in May. For those of you who don't know, I only have one Fallopian tube. That means when I ovulate on the side without the tube, the chances of me getting pregnant are extremely slim, even with IUI. So, the follicle has to be on the correct side, which is the left side, for me to have a good chance of getting pregnant with an IUI. In May, I started taking the oral drug, Fermara, to help stimulate my follicles to grow. Of course this month, my body decided to produce its biggest follicle on the wrong side. Lovely. So we were told to still do the trigger shot and have timed intercourse. This, to me, is a waste of time and money. There's a reason we're at a fertility clinic, but whatever. It's basically their way of us at least trying something. Needless to say, it didn't work.

In June, we did the same thing, used Fermara. This time I produced a very large follicle on the WRONG side again! The doctor told us it wouldn't hurt to try an IUI this time around. We knew the chances weren't great, but figured why not? So we went in for the IUI the morning we scheduled to leave for vacation. Two weeks later....no good. I wasn't surprised, but still disappointed. I felt like maybe we had a bit more of a chance. 

In July, we did the Fermara again. And I ovulated on the wrong side AGAIN! So if you're keeping track, that's three months in a row that I ovulated on the same side. It's a myth that you ovulate on opposite sides every month! After my ultrasound, when I saw the follicle on the wrong side, I wanted to cry. I was getting so frustrated. This was the last month we'd go through treatments before school started and it was a bust, again! Then the clinic called me and wanted to schedule a meeting with the doctor to discuss other options. This freaked me out a bit. I knew the only option left was IVF and I wasn't ready to throw in the towel on IUIs yet. We hadn't even had the right circumstances yet. I was quite nervous to meet with the fertility doctor, but I knew it had to be something important for him to arrange a meeting mid-cycle.