One Year Later

As we are approaching the one year mark of losing the twins, I can't help but feel many mixed emotions.

Some days I still am in disbelief that this even happened.

Some days, like earlier this week, the grief comes over me so strong (even if just for a few seconds) that it hurts.

Some days I feel content and know that there was nothing anyone could have done.

Some days I get angry because I used to believe "everything happens for a reason" and this did not.

Some days I sit and wonder how our lives would be different right now if the boys were born later in the pregnancy and lived. How would we be handling two mobile babies? How messy would our house really be with toys? Would Anna be an amazing big sister, or going a little crazy trying to keep up with them? Or would Tim and I be going a little crazy, too?!

Some days, I relive the day they were born and the guilt comes back full-fledge.

Some days I wonder why our family just wasn't allowed to keep these babies?

I still struggle with the though of how many children do we have? Two? Four?

Some days I just look down at my tattoos and smile. I remember our little babies and am thankful for the opportunity to hold them before we had to let them go.

Some days people see my tattoos for the first time and ask about them. When I explain, they awkwardly apologize.

Not all days are bad. But there is not a single day that goes by that I don't think about the two children we lost.

Tomorrow marks one year since our twin boys were born and left us. It's been a long year, but also it's flown by so fast. It's crazy to think what our family has been through, but we are so lucky to have the support system we do to help us through.

This weekend will always weigh heavy on my heart, for the rest of my life. I hope, as the years go by, the pain will change somehow - maybe, more to hope, more to love, but today and tomorrow, I'm going to think about those sweet little boys, their tiny little faces, fingers, toes and bodies. I'm going to soak up every little squirm and movement from Brother reminding me that he's safe inside my belly, even if just for a few more days. I'm going to be extra thankful for the family I have and hug my baby girl just a little bit tighter. <3 nbsp="" p="">

2017

Wow, what a year! Just when I think things can't possibly be tougher than the year before, I am proven wrong.

We began this year excited for and anticipating the arrival of our twin little boys. We just purchased a larger vehicle to accommodate three car seats and slowly started discussing nursery plans. Unfortunately, this opportunity was ripped away from us in the early morning hours of February 5th, when little Baby A decided to make his arrival (and Baby B just a couple hours later) at just 19 weeks and 4 days. It was absolutely one of the hardest things I have ever been through, truly awful. But we very thankfully had wonderful family, friends, and work-family supporting us and are able to look back on our little guys, now 10 months later and remember their sweet little faces. Some days/moments have been harder than others, but I think that Tim and I are healing well.

This tragedy was not going to stop us from expanding our family, in March we continued the discussion with our fertility doctor about trying to get get pregnant again, this time making sure there was just one little baby when the time came. At the same time, I was learning how to cope and deal with my mixed emotions about losing two babies in such a tragic way.

April was a very memorable month for me because my sister-in-law, Katrina, and I decided to get tattoos to remember the children we've lost. I still am so grateful to have my boys' little footprints on me every single day. It reminds me what we've been through and what I'm so lucky to have now.

May was filled with fertility treatments, shots, appointments and ended with our first IVF transfer and four frozen embryos. It was an emotional month because I was also wrapping up a school year with several coworkers who would not be returning the following year.

In June we found out our IVF was successful, and the worry set in immediately. I was terrified of losing the baby again; I was afraid to get attached to the pregnancy only to see if fail; each doctor appointment was more stressful than the one before as I anticipated bad news each time.

In July, I was grateful to see my pregnancy progress normally and was so anxious to spill the beans! Anna and I spent lots of time together, doing fun things and soaking up the joys of summer.

August brought mixed emotions and back to the grind of busy schedules - six months since delivering the twins, Anna turned three, we shared the news of our Rainbow Baby & a new baby cousin due only weeks apart, Anna started preschool, we found out Rainbow Baby is a BOY, and I started my Master's.

In September, the MFM team began to monitor my cervix to make sure it was staying strong (no issues, thank goodness!) and I began my appointments every two weeks. We also went on our annual family camping trip which was really warm this year, but as always, so much fun!

October was Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. Tim, Anna, Katrina, Isaac and I attended the SHARE Walk in Missouri to remember our boys. Their support has meant the world to me this year! To end the month, I started insulin and was officially diagnosed with gestational diabetes.

November was fairly uneventful. I was super busy keeping up with teaching and Master's homework, but also had the opportunity to attend a National Science Teacher Conference in Milwaukee with a few of my awesome coworkers. We Daddy also got started on Brother's room!

December was busy with end of the semester projects and homework, but it was worth it because I passed both classes with an A! We continued to make some progress on Brother's room in between all of our family Christmases.


This is a year that we will never forget. Tim & I's lives were forever changed this year after losing two of our children. I am so thankful to have such a wonderful, supportive husband who helped get me through this awful time. I'm also super thankful to be ending this year on a positive note. Brother is now 33+5 weeks along and developing beautifully. Anna is thriving in school, growing and maturing right before our eyes. We are very lucky! I hope that our biggest challenge this upcoming year is raising two kids while working full time and while I continue my Master's -- that sounds like enough for me! Every year for the last four years, I've had to report the death of a loved one on my annual review, and I'm hoping that this year will bring health and happiness to all of those around us!

SHARE Walk

Last weekend, Katrina, Isaac, Tim, Anna and I attended our first SHARE Walk together to remember and honor our twin boys who were born prematurely in February.

We got there a little too early, because I wanted to make sure we could get the "Veitengruber Twins" added to the list of babies names that they would read aloud during the ceremony. They were first on that list...and then we had about a two hour wait until the ceremony and walk actually started. Luckily, the weather held out for us so Isaac and Anna were able to run around to burn lots of energy. They had so much fun and even did a silly little photo shoot together.

There was a huge crowd there that day supporting each other. It was a very unique environment - one of sadness, but also the hope and love of everyone coming together. They started off by saying a few words, thanking everyone for coming, reading a couple poems and a couple of women shared a beautiful song. I would guess probably over 200 babies' names read at the beginning of the ceremony. Most people were very respectful and quiet during the reading of the names. Each family raised their pinwheels, released balloons, or showed their support any time their baby's name(s) was read. It was a humbling experience - some families had several babies' names read aloud, one family had 5! I couldn't even imagine!

After all of the babies' names had been read, they did a dove release that was really cool. Then we finally were able to all walk together. We chose the one mile route since we had already been there for an extra two hours. Anna and Isaac did a wonderful job and were such troopers all morning.

After the SHARE Walk, we walked to the little down town area where we found a pub to eat in - we were all starving! We even walked through a little historical scavenger hunt that was....interesting. Anna and Isaac had a lot of fun together, and I'm really glad our families were able to spend the day with each other. I look forward to making this a nice tradition for us every year.

29 Years

I've now been on this earth for 29 whole years. I'm sure when I was born, I wasn't "supposed to" live this long....take that CF! Right now, the median life expectancy for someone with CF is about 40. Better live up these last eleven years....kidding! I plan to surpass that "limit" too. It's weird to think that next year I'll be 30. I thought we'd be done having kids by now and just spend the rest of our lives raising them, but obviously that's not the way things are going, and that's okay!

I'm very lucky and thankful to be as healthy as I am today. Ten years ago I never imagined I would be where I am today. I thankful to have Kalydeco to help keep me stable so that I am able to raise a family, work full time and live a full life. So, for the next year, I plan to be 100% compliant with my treatments. I want my last year in my twenties to be a positive push in the direction of my health. I'd really like to start regularly exercising, but that one is always harder for me for some reason. One step at a time, back on track with 100% compliance (although, I'd say I've probably been around 90-95% lately).

Thanks to everyone who went out of their way to tell me happy birthday today - you sure know how to make a girl feel loved. Anna and I spent the day with Tim's grandma while Tim was at work. We went to a baseball game last night with his sister, her husband and their two boys. After the game we were able to see an excellent nearby firework show. Since we were going to get back late, it was smarter for us to stay in town for the night. Today we had a nice, relaxing day, and then a long crabby evening from all three of us! We're all exhausted and worn out, but I wouldn't have it any other way....well, maybe without the two hour meltdown from the almost three year old!

Love my life. Love my family. Here's to another healthy, happy year. :-)

All the Feels

Today (Wednesday, May 24) brings up a lot of emotions for me (seems to be the trend lately!) and this is the way that I've learned how to process them all.

• Last day with JD and others at Parsons

Today is my last day of my fifth year of teaching. Today is also the last day of several of my coworkers in our building. We have several people leaving our school because they have either accepted a different job within the district, or for some, out of the district. 

One of those people is our principal. I have been SO lucky to work under such an amazing leader and boss, who has become a good friend. I'll never forget my interview at his school (it was so hot & I was in a pants suit!) and leaving there thinking about how bad I wanted that position. When he called me to offer me the position, I'll always remember the excitement I felt! I was like a kid on Christmas morning! I couldn't wait to start in my first classroom as a kindergarten teacher. I appreciate him giving me the opportunity to begin my career under his leadership. He has taught me so much about myself as an educator and as a person. I appreciate his constructive criticism, advice, humor, guidance, compassion, understanding, support and friendship over the last five years. Our building will absolutely never be the same without him and his strong personality, but I'm happy to see him moving on and up to something he's passionate about - helping others and supporting teachers.
There are several other people moving on from our building, some who have become good friends as well. I really hope we're able to keep in touch despite our busy schedules and growing families. Next school year is going to be very strange walking into our school without these guys, and seeing so many new faces. I don't do well with change sometimes and it's definitely going to be an adjustment. 

• 35 weeks

Today I would have been 35 weeks pregnant with the twins (can you imagine how huge I'd be?!). I remember counting ahead when I was pregnant to figure out if/when I'd take some time off at the end of the school year to relax before the babies were born. 35 weeks is the national average for twin delivery, so I feel like if I was still pregnant, they really would have been coming any day. Now is when they were supposed to be born, not three months ago. I was supposed to spend my summer juggling nursing two newborn little boys and entertaining a toddler, but that's never going to happen. I really try not to dwell on moments like this, but over the next few weeks - when they should have been making their arrival - they're going to be on my mind A LOT. 

• IVF/Retrieval

Instead of preparing for the birth of our boys, we're now preparing for another pregnancy. It feels like we're back at square one, starting all over again. It's exciting and scary all at the same time. Tomorrow morning we'll go in to have all of my follicles removed and fertilized for the next few days under the careful watch of our fertility clinic. We are so lucky to have them fairly local and I cannot thank them enough for helping us have our beautiful children. It sucks to have to start all over again, but the way things are going, we'll hopefully have some exciting news to share this summer. 

I know I've written about it before, but the idea of being pregnant again brings up mixed emotions. Of course we'd be very excited to add to our family, but there's always going to be doubt in my mind that I'll be able to carry the baby full term again. Thankfully I have an amazing team of high-risk doctors who better know I'll be calling them for everything this time around! I know I'll be in good hands and closely monitored, but it still makes me nervous that we could have a similar outcome.
But right now I need to focus on "the now" and not stress about things I cannot control, which is very hard for me to do, but I'm trying. I'm glad to have the summer off work now to help me relax. :)

Mother's Day

I debated for a long time on whether I'd participate in the "mother's day photo" trend going around on Facebook. Lots of mommies have been sharing a picture of when they were pregnant, when their child(ren) were first born, and a picture of their child(ren) now. I have loved looking at everyone's posts, but I didn't know if I could bring myself to share mine.

Today, unlike any other day, the boys have been on my mind....but today, more so than others. Today, I should have been preparing for the upcoming birth of our two baby boys that would most likely have been making their entrance very soon. Instead, I remember holding their teeny-tiny little bodies in the middle of the night at the hospital.

I'm full of many mixed emotions today and I really don't know how to word all of it. I'm really trying to keep the memory of our twin boys positive as much as possible. I don't want to always be sad when I think of them. Yes, it's hard to think about "what could have been", but I can't dwell on it. I just remember their sweet faces and cherish the few photos we have. So tonight, I am going to share with you a photo that I wasn't sure I'd ever share with anyone other than a few select people. But I am proud to be the mommy of three children this year, even if two of them are our angel babies.

Here's a picture of me one week before giving birth to Anna, I was 38 weeks pregnant here. Then, one week later, she was born! Finally, the picture on the right is from today, at 2 3/4 years old. :)
Bottom left is the last picture I have of my baby bump with the twins (in my bathing suit before taking Anna to swim lessons). I was 19+1 weeks. Just three short days later, I gave birth to the boys. And the final picture is now, how I'll always keep the memory of these little guys with me. :)

Our first born! How is she so big already?!

Our twin baby boys, born about two hours apart. I could not believe how different they looked! Baby B is on the left. He had a round face with a little button nose, looking very much like Anna does now. Baby A is on the right, with a long, narrow face and a longer, skinnier nose than his brother - looking a lot like Daddy. I don't have any pictures of their faces, but these ultrasound photos were taken less than two weeks before they were born and are very accurate. 

No Mother's Day (or any holiday, really) will ever be the same after this year. I'll always be missing two of our children, but hope that we can add some more cute little ones to the family one day.

Second Week - Recovery

Another week down, yet it feels like it's been forever. This week has been a bit easier, but I still think about both boys all the time. I've been playing a lot of "what-if" scenarios in my head this week: What if I knew my water broke? What if I didn't go to my CF appointment? What if I had gone in to be checked just one more time?... I don't like thinking this way because I know that there was absolutely no way to change the outcome of what happened, but sometimes I just can't help but think about it. I think these thoughts will always be in the back of my mind, and I'm looking forward to the days when they don't pop up frequently.

On a brighter note, going back to work felt so good - way better than I expected. In my last post I talked about how I was nervous about how the kids would react, or if things would be weird. Nothing weird or awkward! The kids were just so excited to have me back, I honestly bet half of them forgot why I was even gone. I did get several hugs from kids (and a few from adults) and felt so welcomed back! Everyone was extremely positive and sweet. Thursday, it felt so good to be teaching again. I remember thinking during a lesson, "This is where I'm supposed to be. This is what I'm supposed to be doing." Friday, I got to work and was full of energy. I cleaned and organized my room, rearranged desks, entered grades, sorted papers....all while I was supposed to be at a meeting - oops! Oh well, no biggie. :)

It was nice having a three day weekend, with gorgeous weather, to spend time with friends and my little family. Tim, Anna and I were able to enjoy lots of time outside this weekend which was so fun. It's tricky because I'm glad that I was able to go for a long walk with them this weekend, but it also made me a little sad because I'm not huge, pregnant and waddling like I expected to be. There are little moments like these that pop up day to day where I think to myself, "I wouldn't be able to do this if I was still pregnant." Sometimes I feel like I was never pregnant, but it's times like these where I remember that I absolutely was and those little guys were a part of our life, even for that short amount of time.

I try really hard not to dwell on the what-ifs and that "this would be different if I was still pregnant" moments because I cannot do anything to change what has happened. I don't want to surround myself with negativity and stress - that's not going to help this healing process AT ALL. I feel that both Tim and I have been dealing with everything and beginning to healing really well. We've had some wonderful talks, we've been really positive about everything and it's been great having him throughout all of this over the last couple weeks. I had no idea what to expect or how I'd handle this whole situation two weeks ago, but I really do feel that we've both come a long way and I'm proud of how we're handling everything. I'm sure there will be many tough moments ahead (their due date, this summer, milestones, holidays, etc), but I know that we are strong together and we can make it through. :)

Recovery

Tomorrow I return to work and I'm full of mixed emotions. I'm looking forward to getting back to "normal" as much as I can. I crave routine and I love my job. I miss my kids, but I'm honestly nervous about seeing them for the first time. I'm worried that they're going to have questions that I can't answer, or may bring up emotions that I don't want to face in front of them. It's also going to be hard seeing all of my co-workers again. I'm sure there will be lots of hugs and probably even a few tears, but I'm going to try to be strong for my boys tomorrow and Friday. I chose to go back towards the end of the week so that I can ease myself back into the working world. I'll be working two days this week, then we have a 3 day weekend, and only a 3.5 day work week next week. I think slowly getting back into full time will help my mind and body adjust to working again.

I wanted to use this post to kind of re-cap the last ten days and what my recovery was like, physically and emotionally. To be honest, there are times when it felt like I was never even pregnant because it was ripped away so quickly. Then that makes me sad because I don't ever want to forget our little guys. Then there are times when I think about how far along I would be today and wonder what I would look like, if I would feel them squirming yet, etc.

Sunday - the day of: physically, I really did feel fine on Sunday in the hospital. Baby B was born around 3-3:30am, and for the next 5+ hours my body was forced into labor to deliver their placentas that didn't come out on their own. This process was honestly the worst of it all. I was cramping and in pain for over five hours, constantly pushing to try to get them out. Once they finally came out around 8:30-9, it was the biggest feeling of relief, physically. I don't think I even processed losing the boys because I was so worried about getting the placentas out without losing too much blood or screwing up my reproductive system (neither happened - everything went very well).
The rest of the day, Tim and I had to process what had just happened, and notify our family and friends. Physically, my body felt fine. I wasn't in pain, the cramping subsided and eventually stopped pretty quickly, and I really wasn't even fatigued. Emotionally, I was numb. I don't think I really realized what happened until a few days later. It was sad and really tough to call our family and friends to tell them what happened, but I don't think I really understood it. Tim and I were able to talk through a lot of it, but I wonder how much we really grasped it then.
Sunday evening, I was discharged from the hospital around 6pm. I declined a script for pain medication from the doctor because I was feeling fine in the hospital. We stopped by Walgreens to pick up some Motrin for me in case I had any physical pain when I got home. Once we got settled at home, I noticed that I was struggling to take a deep breath without having pain. I assumed it was from missing a few treatments since being in the hospital, so I forced myself to do a treatment before crashing in my bed. Unfortunately, the albuterol did not feel as good as I expected, and the pain didn't really go away. I was way too tired to even think about it, so I curled up in my bed and passed out for the night. (I hadn't slept since 1:30am, Sunday morning)

Monday - I woke up in pain! My body hurt! And it wasn't my uterus area, either, which surprised me the most. It hurt to breathe, bend, move in certain directions, swallow food/water, etc. The area all around my rib cage, front and back was so sore! I felt like a little old lady. It hurt to stand up straight and take a deep breath, so I was hobbling around the house, breathing very quick, shallow breaths. I tried not to move too much. I realized that I was so sore from bearing down and pushing for five hours! I took Motrin every four hours, but it didn't give me much relief. Anna's sleep schedule was thrown off too, so all three of us did a lot of laying around together this day.

Tuesday - I decided I needed something stronger for this pain! I called the OB who was on-call at the hospital and asked for a script for something. She ended up prescribing me Norco and 600mg of Ibuprofen. We drove to the OB's office to pick up the script for Norco and had to bring it to a Walgreens to get filled - which took an hour because they were so busy!
We also stopped at the funeral home on this day. I thought we were going to pick up our babies, but we just met with one of the employees (my co-teacher's dad, he was amazing!) to discuss how cremation would go and what to expect.
Then, later that afternoon, Anna had her 2.5 year check-up. With all the chaos going on, I thought about rescheduling, but I also thought it would be a good distraction and a nice focus on our little girl. Tim wasn't feeling the best & was also on Benadryl, so I took Anna to her appointment. She was SUCH a big girl! She was able to use the big kid scale for the first time, and they measured her height against the wall for the first time, too. She also allowed the doctor to look at her and listen to her without having to sit on my lap! From her appointment at two years old, Anna gained over two pounds and grew 1.5 inches! The doctor and I were both very pleased with her growth, and I was so proud of how well she did at her appointment. :)
The rest of the day, I took it easy - that was the most I had to do since Sunday, and I was exhausted. I took the Norco as prescribed, but I felt it didn't make a huge difference in my pain level.

Wednesday - Tim went back to work on this day, which made me a little sad, but I know that he's the type of person that needs to keep busy. Thankfully my friend Catie had the day off already due to babysitter issues, so she and her adorable daughter, Lila, came down to hang out with Anna and I. Catie was a huge help! Her and I have been best friends for over ten years and she just gets me. She helped me with things around the house, helped with both girls while we went into school so I could get my midterms done, and even ran to the grocery store for us! It was wonderful being able to spend the day with her, and Anna loved having Lila to play with.
Physically, I was starting to feel better, I was able to breathe a bit better, but still tried to move slow and take it easy. One new symptom I noticed was that my boobs were starting to hurt in the morning, and by afternoon, my milk was coming in. This was not something I even thought about since having the boys, so it really threw me for a loop! It made me sad that my body thought I had the babies home with me and was preparing to feed them. I knew there wasn't much I could do, but figured I'd ask at my doctor appointment the following day.

Thursday - This was definitely my most emotional day. I woke up really sad. I don't know if it was because my physical pain was finally gone, so now I could start processing the emotional pain of it all; or if it was because I had my appointment with MFM and I knew it was going to be so hard to see the team again.
Thankfully my friend Kristin went with me to my appointment. I asked her a couple days in advance because I wasn't sure what I'd feel like being on the Norco and if I should drive. I also wasn't sure if emotionally I'd be able to drive after my appointment, so I was happy when she told me she'd take me. She picked me up early and we hit up the mall for a little bit before the appointment, which was a nice little distraction.
When we got to MFM, they called me back pretty quickly and as soon as the first nurse came in, I lost it. She looked so sad to see me, immediately gave me a hug and we cried together. Once I settled down, I told her the story of how everything happened Sunday and we talked it through. She told me how sad everyone was to hear about it and how they all cried together for me. It was nice to be able to talk to her though. And when she left, the nurse practitioner came in and it was the same thing all over. We hugged, we cried, I talked (a lot) and we had a great conversation. She was able to answer any questions I had, gave me a couple tips on how to help dry my milk, and was extremely comforting. She reassured me that there really was nothing that anyone could have done differently and that unfortunately things like this just happen and there's no way to stop them. After talking to the both of them, I felt better and was able to leave feeling pretty good. Kristin and I got some lunch together and I was so drained when I got home that I took a nap!
I remember thinking on this day, "Oh my goodness, how is it Thursday already?!" Then I realized how quickly Monday was coming up and how I was definitely not ready to go back to work yet. After talking with the nurses and Kristin about how I was feeling, I decided that Monday was not the day I'd go back to work. I decided to take a few more days the next week and make my first week back nice and short. That's when I texted my principal that I'd be coming back in one week, the following Thursday.

Friday - I really don't remember much of what we did on Friday. Anna spent the day with Grandma on Thursday since I had my appointment, but I chose to have her home with me on Friday since it was really my first day home alone without visitors or anything. I know that was the first day I took Benadryl to help dry up my milk, and ended up taking a long nap on the couch. Thankfully Anna also took a long nap in her room, so we were both able to catch up on our sleep.

Saturday - We chose to spend the day with Tim's mom, sister, our nephews and then Tim's Grandma. It was nice to spend time with family and to watch Anna, Cole and Liam play together for a while. They're so funny together and act like siblings, so it's always entertaining.

Sunday - We had a lazy day around the house and it was wonderful! I think we ran some errands, but my days are blurring together, so I honestly don't remember. I know that physically, at this point, I was starting to feel so much more normal. I did have a bit of cramping over the weekend, but that's to be expected. Thankfully it only lasted a day or two and hasn't stuck around.

Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday - This week has flown by! Over the weekend, I remember thinking to myself that I had no idea what I was going to do this week, but I cannot believe how quickly it's gone by. Anna and I have been able to spend a lot of time together and it's been so nice! We've cuddled a lot, read books, played, painted, went to the museum, to the park and ran some errands. It was wonderful being able to soak up her extra cuddles and spend this time with her before having to return to work.
Each day I slowly felt more normal, both physically and emotionally. My body is getting back to the way it was prior to my pregnancy little by little. My milk is definitely drying up - thanks Benadryl - and I'm no longer in any physical pain from all of this. Emotionally, I'm okay. I am able to laugh with my family and friends, look forward to seeing people and doing things and I don't feel like I'm stuck in a rut. It feels like so long ago that I was pregnant, and sometimes feels like all of this was just a terrible dream. I still have several flashbacks, daily, about holding my baby boys and being in the hospital. I know, with time, that will get better.

And now, here we are - Wednesday night. I'm up later than I wanted to be, but that's not surprising. I'm feeling nervous about returning to work tomorrow because I really don't know how the kids are going to react. I feel bad that I've had to put them through something like this at such a young age.
I can deal with adults, and I'm looking forward to laughing with everyone again, but it's the kids I'm just not sure about. I really hope they allow us to go about our day as normal as possible. I'm worried about crying in front of them. I'm worried that they'll ask me questions that I can't answer. It's just a lot of unknowns which I never like...
Here's to a good night's sleep and cooperative little children tomorrow! :-)

One Week Later - Emotions

Wow, as we come up on a week already since losing the boys, I am overwhelmed with many emotions.

Of course I'm sad that all of this happened. It hurts that we won't see our little guys grow up together with their sister. I'm still confused as to why this happened - something we will never, ever have the answer to. I'm disappointed that after going through months and months of fertility treatments to even get pregnant, we had to say good-bye to our little boys before they were ready to be born. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted from the actual event of it all, and replaying it in my mind over and over...

But despite all of these "expected" emotions, I've also been overwhelmed with love. The love that I have for my husband and daughter has been my strength to get me through this. The way he has supported me over this week makes me so proud and so lucky to be his wife. We've both been so happy to have Anna as our little ray of sunshine to keep us happy and laughing during the difficult/emotional moments.

But what's more, is that I cannot believe how lucky we are to have such amazing people in our lives! The amount of love that has come our way over this last week has been absolutely amazing and I cannot even begin to put into words (even though I'm going to try) how thankful we are to each and every person that reached out to us.

When such a tragedy happens to a loved one, as an outsider, you don't know what to do or say that's going to make those people feel better. You don't want to say too much, or not enough, and you really don't know what you're supposed to do.
But when the tragedy happens to you, I've realized that it doesn't matter what people say or how much they say - what matters is that they are there and that you know they love you. I didn't know what I wanted people to say to me after all of this -- what could they really say that was going to make me feel better?! What helped was knowing that people cared, no matter how they showed it. Our family and friends have been amazing over this last week. The outpouring of love towards our family has been unbelievable and truly, greatly appreciated. We seriously have the best family supporting us through this situation.

And a special shout-out to my work family! Holy cow, you guys! I've worked in this building for five years, and have seen our staff come together and support each other and our families many, many times. But to be on the receiving end of that support....it's unimaginable. To see that the people you work along side every day (and some you just see in passing because we're all so busy) truly care about you and your family is amazing. Again, I cannot express how thankful we are to everyone who helped cover my classroom, fill in my plans, talk to and support my kids through this hard time, donate their sick days, their time, their energy to make getting through this difficult time just a tad bit easier - it means the world to me.

I know that my emotions are going to be all over the place for a long time coming, and I don't think it's ever something we'll completely get over, but it'll get easier with time. But for those rough, emotional, hard times, I know that we are absolutely surrounded by people that love us so much and that truly makes all the difference. So, to every single person who has reached out to our family in any way, THANK YOU are not big enough words to express how much we appreciate you and your love.

2016

Wow, what a year this has been for our country and the world. It seems like everyone is quickly ready to say good-bye to this "terrible" year and have a fresh start tomorrow in 2017. I can't say I'm feeling the same hatred toward this year that I'm picking up on social media.

We did have some very tough times this year in our family, especially with the unexpected passing of our two year old niece, Alayna. That was absolutely one of the saddest and difficult things I have ever experienced. But I feel like our family has been really strong, and I am incredible proud of my sister- & brother-in-law for how they've dealt with the entire situation. I love that we can talk about Alayna, share videos and pictures all the time. I love how much our family loves her and that we will never, ever forget her beautiful smile and heart.

This year wasn't easy on Tim and I either, fertility-wise. We (mostly me) struggled emotionally with my body not cooperating month after month, feeling like it was just not going to happen for us again. Thankfully, my body decided to get in gear and even gave us a pleasant surprise of two little beans! :)

Tim and I ended the year by going to purchase a new (used) car today to accommodate our growing family. We're also in the beginning stages of reorganizing our house and preparing for the babies' nursery.

Health-wise, this has been a decent year for me. I was surprised to see my lung function get back into the 90s, although it didn't last as long as I wished it would, it's still stable and "normal". I plan to stay compliant with my treatments as long as it'll fit me and after the babies are born. It is my job to stay healthy for them and my family.

Overall, 2016 wasn't too bad, but I have no doubts that 2017 will be even better!! :-)

Anna - 2 1/4

Anna, Anna, Anna....

You've been keeping me on my toes lately, little one! I know a lot of people don't like the age two, but so far I'm really enjoying it...most days.

• You're a negotiator! Everything that we say, either you say the opposite, or some different version to try to get your way. If I say that we can read two books before bed, you'll say we can read three. If I say, first we read, then we go to bed - then you'll throw an extra step in there like "read, THEN snack, then bed" or anything to add your little twist onto it...
• Going along with the above trend - you don't like going to bed! Naps on the weekends are usually fights, and you're getting excellent at coming up with stalling tactics at night. For a while you'd scream that you had to poop. So, I'd bring you to the bathroom where you'd strike up a conversation with me while sitting on the toilet. When I'd tell you it was time to go back to bed, you'd say, "No I pooping." When I'd remind you that we've sat there for five minutes and nothing's come out, you probably don't have to go, you'd try to force yourself while saying, "It too hard! Help me, Mommy!" I hope those days are over, because they sure were frustrating!
• Along with some challenges though, you sure have some adorable qualities about yourself! You love to be silly! You even said one day in the car, unprovoked, "Hahaha, I so funny!" You really are!
• You're learning how to play pretend which is so fun. You're getting more interactive and actually playing with your toys the way they're intended to be used. You make play food, have a picnic with your babies, change their diapers, pretend that they're crying or hungry, you "make" things out of your blocks, make a zoo with your animals, etc. It's so fun listening to you play and the things you come up with. Just last night you put a blanket across your shoulders and started running saying "I a superhero! I super Anna!" 
• Potty training is going....some days you have no accidents at all, and other days you'll have up to three. One day at Grandma's you told Daddy, "I not poop in my undies anymore!" and I don't think you have. Your problem is not wanting to stop what you're doing to go pee...which I'm sure is common for this age. Or you have to take everything off before you go, and you can't hold it that long. You also had a week when you wet the bed 3-4 times, so that was a bit frustrating. We're trying to reward you with your Halloween candy and remind you more often, eventually you'll get it.
• You're so smart :) I know every mom probably thinks their child is so smart, but I really am impressed with how quickly you absorb things. You love the show Super Why and I'm totally okay with you watching it because you're learning your letters faster from it than me! I think you're up to about ten capital letters and it makes me so proud :)
• We have preschool orientation in January to get you on the list for school in the fall. I'm so excited for you to go to school because I think you'll do wonderful and I'm excited to see how much you grow up!
• You're becoming a better eater, you love to be outside, you like to read, you still want me to do everything for you instead of Daddy, you love to color, and of course, be silly! :-)

18 Months Old

A year and a half, how can it be?! I feel like we just celebrated your first birthday, and the last six months have flown by!!

I'm pretty sure I said it in your last post about you being a "full-blown toddler", but I think I was wrong. NOW you're definitely there, tantrums and all. :-)

My little reader

You are transitioning from two naps to one per day, which means you can get quite cranky in the evenings and tend to cry about little things, but usually it's not too hard to distract you with something else. Other than some evenings, you are just the happiest little girl!

Here are some things about you at this age that I just don't want to forget:

• No more paci!!! We got rid of it the second week of my winter break and it wasn't too bad. The first night I cut the tip off which really pissed you off. So the next night I just didn't give it to you at all. Any time you'd ask for/about it, we'd remind you that pacis were for babies and that you were a big girl. I also had you throw one of them in the garbage, so that helped, too.
• You're so smart. Sure every parent thinks their child is smart, but I am just amazed by how much you pick up, remember, and recall in the correct context. Ex: family members, animal names and sounds, objects, etc.
• You talk so much! You're starting to put 2-3 words together and you're usually pretty easy to understand.
• This is definitely the stage of "monkey-see, monkey-do". You have a ton of language/words on your own, but you also repeat everything - words and actions!
• You love to read books, especially the ones Aunt Katrina got you for Christmas with the flaps. You also enjoy animal books, dinosaur books, and The Foot Book by Dr. Seuss. One page in there I read it "slllllooooooooowww feeeeet, quick feet" in a slow and quick voice which you love and mimic every time!
• You're obsessed with "meme" which is what you call chapstick. You like to carry it around constantly and get really mad if we won't let you have it. It drives me crazy and I'm really tempted to get rid of it just like the paci! *Update, out of sight, out of mind for about the last week, yay!
• You love Ozzie and sometimes Archie ("Itchy"). You have to find them and hug them each night before bed("bet"). Ozzie tends to love you back, but will let you know when you've bothered him a bit too much, Archie still runs past you and keeps his distance as much as possible. We're trying to teach/remind you to be nice ("mice") instead of smacking or pulling his tail. :)
• If you don't know the name of something you just called it "iss" for this.
• When you see or hear something that you don't know you say "sat?" for what's that?
• You don't use the word no and answer yeah ("dah") to every question.
• You love to sit with me while I'm doing my treatments and taking my medicine ("messies"). You enjoy looking at pictures on my tablet and listening to your voice vibrate.
• We started swim lessons again in the toddler class and you're doing so well.
• You know the capital letter A and sometimes O, and you can count to two, and think everything is the color blue. :)

These last few months have flown by and I love this stage!! I love watching you discover new things. I love playing with you and listening to you play. Your imagination is starting to grow - you love playing with Grandma's kitchen and you've started feeding your little baby. I just want to soak up every minute with you because I can't believe how fast you're growing! 

This will be your last "months" post because saying anything over 18 months just sounds weird. You're officially a year and a half...and then I'm sure I'll find myself saying "she'll be two this summer" and "almost two" sooner than I can even believe! We love you so much baby little girl!

#CFMama

Growing up with a mom with CF, Anna doesn't think twice about me doing my treatments throughout the day, or when we go somewhere for the weekend, and I love that. Sure, one day she'll realize that not all moms do a Vest or many nebulizers a day, and she'll have questions and may even be embarrassed, but I am prepared to be open and honest with her. But for right now, I am going to cherish her sweet innocence, and company, while I do my treatments every day (even if she does get in the garbage or throw my medicine vials all over the floor).

Anytime Anna is home or awake when I'm doing my treatments, she always has to come check in with me.

It may be for a quick minute to read a book next to me or what silly stuff she's up to:

 

It may be to climb on anything and everything in our hodgepodge office:

Or it may be to sit, shake or do medicine with me:

 

She was saying "ahhh" listening to her voice vibrate

Mommy always has the better medicine ;)

Even when she's playing, I know she's watching me because as soon as I'm done, she'll want to get in my chair and do what mommy's doing.

Just taking a little puff of Dulera

Anna pointed to the chair and said "up". When I sat her in the chair,
she tried to pull the Vest onto herself. After getting it on, she grabbed my
Cayston neb and put it in her mouth so proudly :)

Having a CF mom isn't always going to be easy, but I hope that in her seeing me do my treatments day in and day out it'll teaching her determination, respect for her body, and to see how much I will do to keep myself healthy to be the best mom for her.

15 Months Old

11/8/15

Anna,
Yesterday you turned 15 months old! In some ways that seems so young compared to what you can do because you act so "old" to me. I have to remind myself you're slowly transitioning into a toddler still.

One word to describe you, that we call you all the time is silly! You make us laugh everyday! There is hardly ever a day where you are crabby. You're always so happy, giggling and smiling. :) I hope you never lose your sense of humor and your constant joy.

Here's where you get some of your silly from - Daddy!

The amount you have changed from your first birthday is incredible (although you're probably similar in size!). Your vocabulary has grown exponentially from simple sounds to over 30 words and just recently two words put together like "eat" then "banana". You're starting to say more names including Cole, "Ees" for Aunt Elise and mam-aw for Grandma Dorothy....you refuse to say Liam. Anytime we ask you to repeat Liam, you just say "Co" instead. :)

You with "mam-aw"

 You are walking, and trying to run, all over the place and you climb on everything! You're usually great at climbing up, but the getting down part hasn't come as easy yet. You've learned how to turn your noisy toys off and on, you love to chase the cats (and get in slap fights with Archie), and you spell your name on your door and above your crib before you go to bed each night - right now it's just A-a-a-a...

My two favorite people!

You're a pretty independent and confident little girl when you warm up at new places, and especially when we got to Baby Talk times. You love kids and have started referring to all other children as "baby".

We are so lucky and thankful to have such a sweet little girl to call our daughter! We love you so much!!
~Mommy & Daddy

Back to School

I'm sure many of you parents are so excited to get your children back into school whether its for the routine, structure, or just to get them out of the house. ;) What I don't think parents realize is how much work teachers put in before school even begins and especially during the first month. I LOVE my job and I am so happy to say that I am loving my class this year! This is my fourth year of teaching and my first year in third grade, and so far I'm really enjoying the grade level. We're just finishing up our third week of school and it's going by quick. My students are definitely "pleasers" which is nice and also makes them fairly easy to train. The first month is always focused on rituals, routines and expectations to set the tone for the rest of the school year. Its also filled with assessments galore to evaluate your students' needs and decide who needs what skills the most, where to start teaching, etc. It's overwhelming, it can get stressful and redundant, but it's so critical, important and informative. On top of all this, we started in the middle of August in a school with no air conditioning so it has been HOT.

Anyway, I've been busy to say the least. And I also picked up my first chest infection - pretty sure that's record time! Ugh! But it seems like everyone in the school (staff & students) is either sick, has lice, or a combination of the two, lol. I think I'll take my chest infection over lice! So I'm starting my first oral antibiotics this week in hopes to kick this crap out of my lungs quickly.

Anna is back at Grandma's and loving it! Her and her cousin (he's just over 2) play all day together. By the time her and Tim come home, we typically eat dinner, play for a little bit and then she's heading to bed because she's exhausted. I still have to get her up every morning to eat and get ready - poor, sleepy girl - luckily she's able to fall asleep in the car for the hour drive to Grandma's. I'm sure eventually she'll get used to it again. :-)

Thankful November

Each day of November, I'm going to take some time to recognize at least one thing that I'm thankful for - no matter how big or small. I'll then post them at the end of the week. I've been trying to do this weekly with my "Positive Thoughts Thursday" posts, but I thought I'd try daily for the month of November. :)

1) I'm thankful for working in a building with supportive and super-fun coworkers! Today we celebrated that we reduced our number of referrals in October by about 50%! To celebrate this, we decided to do a Fear Factor Game. The students watched as the teachers completed some fun, some disgusting, and some just weird games. I used my toes to take marbles out of an ice cold bucket of water (got out 16 in a minute); cracked an unmarked egg on my forehead (mine was hardboiled, phew!); wrapped one of my students as a mummy with toilet paper (and failed miserably); ate a spoonful of "cat food" (SPAM); and finally dug "worms" out of "dirt" with my teeth (got 7 out of 8 in a minute....and sinuses full of pudding!). Oh, and I used a "lifeline" to have a student eat a spoonful of blended Burger King (fries, a burger, coke, and a Kit-Kat! Gross!! Poor kid spit it out! Haha!). I ended up in third place out of the nine primary teachers! I just love that I'm able to work in such a fun environment everyday! For those of you who don't love your job, you're missing out!!!!

2) Oh man, today's item is hard to choose...I'm going to have to lump it into 'in-laws' today. We had a wonderful day helping Tim's sister's family move. We had lots of laughs and good conversation. I am so lucky and thankful to call them my family, too.

Side note: I also learned how annoying assembling a crib is today! Tim's great aunt Shirley & I assembled, then took apart, then reassembled (to make sure we used ALL the screws that time!) the crib for our youngest nephew, Liam. I now understand why in movies/tv shows/commercials they always show people frustrated over assembling a crib...I get it now!! Haha!

Positive Thoughts Thursday: Health & Fall Fun

I've been totally slacking on blog posts lately, but honestly there hasn't been much going on. I'm glad that several of my other blogger friends do their "Thankful Thursday" posts each week because it reminds be to get back on here and appreciate the little (and big) things in life. :)

• Today I'm thankful for good health. I've been on Kalydeco now for six weeks. And just now, over the past couple days, I feel like I'm finally slowing down with my mucus movement. Over the last six weeks, I experienced some serious mucus movement in my lungs, especially deep down in there. Things started moving around the first few weeks I was on Kalydeco, then I got a cold which tightened my lungs for about a week. And then after that cold, I felt like I was constantly coughing my brains out! I'm pretty sure I've coughed up every color of the rainbow mucus (except maybe blue/purple...) and I've gotten a LOT of stuff out. Over the past couple days, I feel like I've finally been able to take a good, nice deep breath without coughing up a chunk of my lung. 
• Related to the above post - I'm really looking forward to my CF appointment coming up soon. I'm very anxious to know what my FEV1 is, especially now since I feel like my mucus production is slowing down. I'm also curious to see if my weight has gone up. Since starting Kalydeco, I've been having at least one, usually two, Ensure Plus's each day which is an extra 350 calories each. I hope K really helps me in the weight-gain department.
• Fall weather! I am not a fan of the heat. I enjoy sunny & 75 (Joe Nichols, anyone?). It's so much more comfortable to teach in the cooler weather. I love having the windows open all day and getting fresh air in the house. And of course, all the fall fun & fall food (aka: apple donuts!)! This weekend we're hanging out with Tim's aunt & uncle, and his sister, her husband and their two little guys! We're going to the pumpkin patch/apple orchard on Saturday -- always a good time! :)  
• Last weekend, Tim and I walked in (my third) our second Great Strides of the year. I was asked to speak at this one which I enjoy doing. I like to share my story with others, especially parents of little ones with CF to give them hope about their child's future. I was also able to meet one of my blogging cysters, Cheriz - who's now in the hospital for a tune-up- hope you start feeling better soon!! Here are some pictures from the event.

• Oh, and how could I forget?! Yesterday, Tim and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary! :-) Today marks our 7th anniversary of being together, total - seven years ago today, Tim asked me to be his girlfriend while eating lunch in the "Dog-Pound Deli". This year, not only were we husband and wife, but we also became "homeowners"! I'm looking forward to what this next year (and MANY more) has in store for us! I love you, Tim!!!! 

Feel the Love

This weekend, Tim and I attended the wedding of our very good friends, Jessie & Jeremy. I have never seen more love and happiness between a couple, it was just amazing to sense their positive energy and love for each other on Saturday. I met Jessie when I was a junior in college, in the education program. I noticed that she was wearing a Great Strides shirt and thought to myself, "You don't wear a Great Strides shirt, unless you know someone with CF. I wonder how she knows about CF?" So I went right up to her and asked her about it and she told me that her boyfriend, Jeremy had CF. Since then, we've been great friends! It's amazing how much more there is to talk about with someone when CF is a common factor. Plus, it was so interesting to me to see the "CF spouse" side of things in their relationship.

While Jessie and I were doing our student teaching our senior year of college, we actually rented apartments in the same building, right across the hall from one another. It was awesome to be able to see her and Jeremy all the time and hang out! Jessie stood up in my wedding as a bridesmaid when I got married right after we graduated college, and then of course we both went our separate ways to become teachers. Throughout the years after college, we kept in touch and saw each other not as much as we'd like to, but that's what happens in life. I was so excited when I found out they were engaged!

Jessie and Jeremy have been through some hard times together since sometimes Jeremy isn't in the best of health, but she loves him to death and sticks by his side anytime he has to go into the hospital for a tune-up, or is just having a rough day. Jeremy is a great guy and the way he adoringly looks at Jessie is just the sweetest thing I've ever seen. The same was true at their wedding this weekend. Jeremy is currently on oxygen 24/7, but that didn't stop him from dancing with his beautiful bride (MUCH better than many couples during their first dance), and Jessie was right there with him all night to help him out if he needed anything. Seriously, the love between these two is amazing. Here are a couple cute pictures from the night:

Jeremy saying his vows

Jessie saying her vows

Ring vows they said together - absolutely adorable!

First dance!

Positive Thoughts Thursday: My Job!

Woah, look out! Two "positive thoughts Thursday's" in a row! I've been slacking on the blog posts this week, but I feel like I have a pretty good reason this time around...back to school!

• I am so thankful to have a job. I am so thankful to have a job that I LOVE, in an awesome building with the best staff! Yesterday was the first day back to school for our students (teachers started Monday) and I am just so happy. I'll admit that Tuesday I was feeling a bit frazzled, I felt like I was starting my first year of teaching all over again because I switched grade levels (and was doubting my abilities), but as soon as that first student walked into my classroom Tuesday night for Open House, it all came back to me so naturally! It made me so happy seeing their excited and apprehensive little faces coming into a school and/or classroom that they didn't know, but then leaving feeling a bit more excited and comfortable about the following day. :-)
• I received the best compliment, twice, on Open House night and once again yesterday morning at school! On Open House night, I had two parents of students I had in my class last year, express to me how happy/relieved/excited they are for me to be their child's teacher again this year!! *Made me feel so warm & fuzzy inside!* And then yesterday morning, I learned that I have a cousin of a student I had last year, and those parents told the parents of my current student, "Oh you'll love her, she's great!" Best feeling ever!!!
• And even though I am no longer kindergarten, I've already been keeping an ear out for hilarious things my class will say this year! I'll be calling them "First Grade Funnies". The hardest part is remembering them at the end of the day because I can't (usually) write it down when they say it! But I'll leave you with this one that I thought was cute: One of my little girls was leaving the room and she said, "Bye Mr. Grouper".....not quite, but she tried! :)

Positive Thoughts Tuesday: Updates

 Switching it up a bit and doing my Positive Thoughts Thursday Tuesday, today. Thankfully, things are finally, slowly, starting to look up for us!

*A few weeks ago I posted about all of our house drama which is also starting to come together. We actually submitted an offer on a major fixer-upper a couple days after that last post, on a Wednesday, I believe. We offered low because it needed a ton of work and before the listing agent even presented it to her client, she told our realtor that she thought it was too low of an offer and was acting really rude. Then the sellers told us they needed to talk to their attorney about the offer and they'd get back to us by the following Tuesday - this just turned me off. I didn't want to deal with annoying listing agents, more attorneys and delays all over again. We ended up looking at a foreclosure in the mean time that we really liked, so we withdrew our offer on the fixer-upper to submit an offer on the foreclosure Monday or Tuesday. Before we could even get our offer in on the foreclosure, it had sold. :( This meant that we were back at square one with no house, again.
So we decided to just keep looking, and we ended up looking at four houses in one night on Wednesday of last week. The last house we looked at Tim and I both really liked! It wasn't an estate, it wasn't a foreclosure, and it's not even really that much of a fixer-upper! :) We ended up looking at it one more time Thursday night and submitting our offer on Friday! We negotiated a couple times with the seller over the weekend and accepted their counter-offer on Saturday!!! Yesterday I went in to initial the papers, so we're officially under contract with a house and we're both very excited about it! Right now I'm in the process of setting up our home inspection and getting our loan approval process underway, again. :-) Let's hope this one works out this time!!

*Last weekend Tim and I drove down to TN to celebrate our nephew, Cole's third birthday and also to see his new brother, Liam who was born in the beginning of May. It was so fun to be able to hang out with Tim's sisters and their husbands and their kids for the weekend. We had a great time, but I cannot wait until they are living in Illinois so we can do this more often!

Aunt Colleen & Liam

Uncle Tim & Cole

Aunt Colleen pulling Cole & Isaac in the wagon

Baby Liam :)

Aunt Colleen & Cole reading "The Pout-Pout Fish"

Cousin love! :)

*After we got back from Tennessee, we pulled our offer on the fixer-upper, saw those other houses and put in our offer on our current home. Then we left for the weekend again. Tim and I ran our first 5K together on Saturday, along with several of my old co-workers from DeKalb. We did Brett's Run, which was my very first 5K last year. It rained the entire morning while we were waiting for the race to begin so we were soaked before we even started running. Once the race started, the rain died down, but it picked back up again as soon as we were finished.
I had not been training for this run as well as I did last year, so I wasn't too pleased with myself when I had to stop and walk a couple times along the route. But, I am very happy that I was still able to finish in 35:29.7. Tim, on the other hand, blew right past me as soon as we started and finished his first 5K with an awesome time of 26:53.3, that's an 8:40 mile pace! It was really fun being able to do this with Tim and several of our friends this time! I hope that I can keep in shape and that this is something we can do annually together.

Tim & I post-race, drenched!

Our whole team pre-race, nice and dry!

Yay, we survived the rain! :) 

*The other big news of the summer so far is my job placement for next year. Long story short, the district messed up their numbers thinking there would be enough students for three kindergarten classes next year, allowing me to stay as a kindergarten teacher...well it turns out there are not enough students for three classes, so back to the original plan of me moving up to first grade in the fall. I will not have all of my same students from my kindergarten class because we mixed up all of the students at the end of the year, but I'll have a few of the same. I'm very happy that I'm staying in the same building because if you didn't know already, I love my coworkers & job! I will be moving rooms this summer (going from room 15 to room 9 - movin' on up!) which I wasn't planning, but that's okay. It'll give me something to do on those days when I'm bored out of my mind. So this fall will kind of feel like my first year all over again with a new room and new curriculum, but the first grade team is great (one of them is my mentor) and I'm looking forward to working with them. :-) Better start thinking of a clever name to go with their quotes this year, can't call them 'kinder quotes' anymore!

*Even with all of this craziness that's been going on, I've really had a lot of time to relax over the past few weeks, especially during the day while Tim's at work. I've been doing pretty good about getting in an extra treatment during the day - probably about 1/2 the time I do. I just finished up a few weeks of TOBI which really helped clean my lungs out and I've been feeling really good. I had a great workout today - did a 10 minute standing ab video and then a 20 minute medicine ball video that Tim and I did a lot over the winter. I've got about six more weeks until my next CF clinic appointment, so I'm really trying to get my lungs in great shape and really trying to gain some weight. My goal is to cut back on the running and to increase weight training exercises like these workout videos to gain muscle weight.

I've been watching a lot of HGTV & Dr. Phil, doing some cleaning and laundry, but I'm planning on adding more reading this summer. First on my list is The Walking Dead graphic novel! We've been watching the show since it started and I've really enjoyed it. Tim's aunt Linda read this already and said it was totally different from the TV show, so I'm excited to read it. This is the first graphic novel I've ever read, so I'm curious to see how I like it.

I'm also going to see "The Book of Mormon" with Tim's aunt Linda next week, too, which is supposed to be really funny. Then I've got a bachelorette party, bridal shower, Country Thunder, (hopefully moving into our new house), and my best friend's wedding all before the new school year starts! I love having summers off! :-)