4 Years Old!!!!

To my big girl,
This year has been the most challenging so far, but you've also grown so much!

You finally broke the 30-pound mark and are 40 inches all. That means you've gained 4lbs and grown 4 inches this year! You're still very petite, but you've got a feisty personality and have no problems holding your own.

Open House 2017 (left) & Open House 2018 (right)

You've completed one year of preschool and you loved it! You've learned so much, made some friends, and even got invited to a couple birthday parties this year. You know all of your letters and most of their sounds, you know your full address, you can count by tens to 100, you can consistently count to 29, need a reminder of 30 and then can get to 39. You want so bad to be able to count to 100 -- you're getting closer. You can write your first and last name, and even decided to change your name to Elsa at the end of the year. Your teachers are wonderful and I know you're very excited to be going back this fall.

This year you've tried tumbling and t-ball, and continued swimming. You really enjoyed tumbling, but I couldn't stand it because it was so unorganized and you basically ran around and did whatever (not just you, all the kids because there was no structure). After tumbling, you wanted to go back to swim, so we kept that up over the winter. You really have gained a lot of confidence in the pool this year. By the end of this summer, you were going under (shallow) water to grab rings. That's huge progress for you! You're learning how to swim with your face in the water more and you're more comfortable jumping in -finally! This spring you took a break from swim to try t-ball. Your team was made up of older 2 year olds, 3 & 4 year olds. It was like herding cats some days, but you did well. You were a great listener to your coaches, even though I think you enjoyed playing in the dirt more than t-ball itself. It was cute to watch you play!

You love all things Elsa, Frozen, princesses, and dressing up. But you also love bugs, butterflies, playing in the dirt, being barefoot outside, jumping in puddles, playing in the rain, fishing, climbing on everything, playing with your babies, coloring, drawing, taping your creations/art all over the house...

Oh little girl, you are full of sass! Daddy and I are really trying to have you use manners/nice words, be kind to others, and most of the time you are, but sometimes you are just so sassy which drives me crazy. You and I have similar personality traits, in always wanting to be in control, haha, so we often butt-heads. You think you know everything (already) and sometimes I just need to pick my battles because its not worth the fight. I think part of the behavior comes with your age and I think some of it has be learned from being around other kids this year. I hope that this next year you mature and tone down the attitude just a bit (please!). :)

You finally became a big sister this year, and you are very proud of that title. You didn't know what to expect when Calvin was first born, but you've been so good with him. You would get excited over the littlest things (when he opened his eyes or his mouth, haha) and you always want to take pictures of him. Now that he's becoming more interactive and mobile, you're getting more excited too. So far you're pretty good about sharing some of your toys or stuffed animals with him. You always say, "I'm the big sister and the big helper" and you refer to yourself as "sissy" which is pretty cute. You call him Bubba, like I do, when he's upset or when you're encouraging him to do something. You get just as excited as I do when he learns something new like rolling over or sitting up. You're still learning how to share adult attention, but that will come. If someone is playing with Calvin and making him smile/laugh, you like to get all up in there and make him look at you instead. You want to feed him with the spoon (and try all of the baby foods he's having - don't worry, you're not missing out!). I am proud of the way that you behave around him and I love how much you love him! I hope that the two of you can grow up and be close with one another.

4 years old & 6 months old (3.5 years apart, to the day)

Other random things I can think of: you learned how to ride a bike with training wheels this summer; you got your ears pierced the night before you turned 4; you can do hopscotch (not sure where you learned that); we still read a book before bed every night; we've accomplished 1,000 books before Kindergarten this summer; you don't like spiders; you still love the color blue; you now know how to work the TV remote (its terrible because you switch shows every 5 minutes); you hate doing your laundry; you're pretty good at keeping your room clean & organized; you still love Chinese food; you prefer taking showers over baths; you love being outside; you love being silly!

I can't believe you're four years old already! I can remember the day you were born so clearly still. You've grown up so much right before our eyes and we're so very proud of you. Keep being kind, but don't lose your spunk either, big girl! :) We love you!
~Mommy

The Big 3-0

That's right, folks -- I am 30 years old today!! I'm sure that when I was born doctors didn't think I'd live to be thirty years old. But here I am, still kickin', doing pretty well if I do say so myself... :)
To live with a chronic illness isn't always easy, but I've tried to live the last 12+ years with an attitude of not allowing CF to control the path of my life.

In the last 12 years, I've graduated from high school. Met the love of my life. Graduated college. Got married. Became a teacher. Bought a house. Became a mother (x4). Started grad school....just to name a few things :) I am proud of how far I've come, but know that I'm not even close to living life as full as I absolutely can. I hope that I can soak up every minute of the next thirty years and then some!

To help celebrate THIRTY years, I am not asking for birthday gifts or a big party. I'd love to reach my fundraising goal of $5,000 for our Great Strides team. Currently, we have raised $3,285 which means we have $1,715 to go. Any donation to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation is GREATLY appreciated and helps go towards research for treatments to help improve the quality (and quantity) of my life!

The Day I Became A Mother, Again

Wednesday morning, I woke up with a dull ache in my back along with the lingering discomfort from the days before. At first I thought it was because I decided to wear my boots to work the day before instead of my tennis shoes, but when it was coming in random waves with contractions, I realized it could be the lovely "back labor" I've heard about.

It was a scheduled half day of school, which meant that Anna didn't have school, so Tim decided to take her to Bloomington to hang out with Grandma, Shirley, Liam and Xavier for the day. I went to work determined to make it through the half day without too much pain. Thankfully my sub had been hanging out and shadowing me for the last few weeks, so she was very willing to step in and help me out on Wednesday with the kids. I was happy when 10:40 rolled around and the students were dismissed because that just meant the rest of the afternoon was sitting around in meetings.

My contractions started to become more noticeable towards the end of the meeting, maybe around 1 or 2 o'clock. When they didn't back off, I decided to download a contraction timer on my phone and start timing them while at work around 3:00. They were coming every 8-10 minutes, lasting about 30-45 seconds. I ended up staying at work til about 4pm, just getting a few things together (but mostly talking to my teacher friends). When I got home, the contractions continued, and my friend Kristen, who's studying to become a doula, recommended I take a warm bath to see if that changed anything. The contractions remained steady, still about 8-10 minutes apart and it was getting closer to 5 o'clock.

Since Tim still wasn't home from Bloomington and I knew it took him an hour to get home, I decided I should probably let him know that I was having contractions for the last several hours. I also decided to contact my doctor to let them know. I really didn't want to get my hopes up that this really was labor. My OB said it sounded like I was in "early labor" and she wanted me to come in and get checked since I lived so far away and active labor could begin at any time (or not at all). I let her know that Tim wouldn't be home for at least another hour and that we'd come in as soon as he got home. I was torn between getting excited and thinking we were heading to the hospital for no reason and that they'd send me home.

The contractions started picking up a bit in intensity while I waited for Tim to come home. Thank goodness Kristen was there to coach me through everything, even if it was by phone. She gave me tips on how to handle the pain of back labor and what positions might be helpful. This was all new to me because I didn't have this type of labor with Anna.

Tim dropped Anna off with my friend Natalie, on his way home from Bloomington. Anna wasn't too excited about not coming home, but Natalie assured us that she was fine as soon as Tim left. When he got home, we made sure to have everything we needed in case we ended up staying at the hospital. I was not looking forward to the drive because sitting through the contractions and back labor was very uncomfortable. At home, I had been walking and then leaning against something during contractions because that's what felt the best. My contractions moved up to about 4-5 minutes apart on the way to the hospital - I was starting to feel like this was the real deal.

When we got to the hospital around 7:30-8, I made Tim park in the parking garage so that I could walk a bit to the entrance, hopefully to progress things along. Thankfully, since I had contacted my OB, they knew I was coming and check-in was pretty quick. The wheeled me up to the labor & delivery floor and put us in a triage room. I wasn't officially admitted to the hospital yet, I was just there to be monitored to see if I really was in labor. They hooked me up to the monitor, checked my cervix (3 cm) and watched my contractions for a little while. I was super uncomfortable just sitting in the bed, so I finally asked if I could be unhooked from the monitor so I could walk around. The staff was great and very supportive of me doing whatever I needed to do to be comfortable. With my beautiful hospital gowns on, Tim and I walked the halls for a while. I leaned against the handrail on the wall whenever I had a contraction and Tim rubbed my lower back to help distract me from the pain. I don't know how many laps we made around the floor, but it was working. My contractions continued and when I got tired of walking, we went back to the triage room and I sat on a labor ball which helped a lot. After being there for about 2 hours, they checked me again and I was 4cm dilated, so they decided to admit me and put me in a real labor/delivery room! I was SO excited! After roaming those halls and feeling the labor progressing, I told Tim, "they are not sending me home feeling like this!" There was no hesitation from them after they checked me, so that was good. The nurse was going to wheel me down to the labor room, but I asked to walk so that I could keep everything progressing. We had to stop a couple times along the way, but we made it to the other end of the hall into room 318.

They hooked me up to the monitor again, so I sat on the labor ball and continued to labor while they began getting everything ready. It took three nurses and four pokes to get my IV in (that sucked), but once it was in, I had to get through at least 1/2 a bag of fluid before they would come do my epidural. The anesthesiologist came in around midnight or 12:30 to get my epidural started. I was so ready for some relief! Getting the epidural itself wasn't too bad - some stinging and some poking, but I knew it would be worth it. The anesthesiologist told me it would start working soon....but soon never came! After an hour, I only had some tingling from my knees down. The anesthesiologist was surprised, but had an idea. He decided to put a different, stronger medication through the epidural to see if that would work. He said it should be working within 10-20 minutes. After 20 minutes, nothing. My legs were feeling a bit tingly and a little heavy, but I could still feel every contraction. I was getting SO frustrated and exhausted. We decided it was time to pull the current epidural and try a second one. When the nurse helped me move, my legs started feeling different - heavier. It was like it was slowly starting to work. My contractions were fading! The anesthesiologist waited in the room for a few minutes and since things were looking like they were working, we decided not to start a new epidural. The anesthesiologist was completely baffled by what was going on, saying he's never seen anything like this before. I was just glad to finally have some relief. Since they had the epidural working, they gave me some Pitocin through my IV to try to help me keep progressing.

Unfortunately, the relief didn't last very long. Slowly, the feeling of my contractions started coming back. I called for the nurse and she decided that I needed to keep switching the side I was laying on in order for the epidural to be effective. I was miserable laying in the bed and I was starting to have intense pain in the left side of my pelvis, right under my hip. They thought it was just the way the baby was positioned. After flipping back and forth forever, I think I was around 6cm. I couldn't handle the pain anymore and asked if I could go on my hands and knees. The nurse seemed a bit reluctant, but I was desperate to try anything for some relief. She and another nurse got me situated on my hands and knees, Tim rubbed my back when the pain was really bad, and I just stayed in this position for a little while (maybe 30-45 mins?) hoping it would help. After a while, the pain/pressure was terrible. They decided to flip me over and check me -- I was 10 cm and Brother was right there, ready to come! I WAS SO RELIEVED! I couldn't wait to meet him after this long night of labor!

The nurses got everything set up - my legs in the stirrups, the mirror pulled down, and everything ready for the doctor. I was so excited! They told me as soon as I felt some pressure, I could push. I think before I even started pushing, I could see his head a bit. With that first push, I could definitely see the top of his head. The nurses were very encouraging and after 3 pushes, baby was here!!! They placed him on my chest and I was in awe! I couldn't believe how tiny he was and what an adorable round little face he had.


They let me hold him for a few minutes while they worked on getting my placenta out. It was still up quite a ways, so they needed to push on my tummy to help get it out. The nurse took Brother to get measured and weighed while they worked on me. It took longer than expected because when it finally did come out, it wasn't all there. After lots of pushing on my belly (not numb) and digging around (numb, thankfully), they were able to get all of the pieces. While they were doing this, Tim was holding the baby and I was just staring at his cute little face on the mirror. I tossed around both name choices we had, in my head, and decided that he definitely looked like a Calvin. It just fit.

When they were done working on me, Tim was able to give the baby back to me. He immediately started rooting around, so I was able to start nursing him right there - it was so cool! He knew exactly what to

do. Over the next hour, he nursed while Tim and I agreed (pretty easily) that his name would be Calvin. *We never discussed middle names during my pregnancy, so his middle name was discussed over the next day or so and only decided on about a 1/2 hour before we were discharged.

Calvin Ronald was born on Thursday, February 8th at 5:16am. He weighed 7lbs 5.5oz and is 19.5 inches long.


The rest of the morning went smoothly. Surprisingly the crappy epidural took forever to wear off in my legs. Slowly we started calling, texting, and notifying family and friends. Because Calvin was so healthy, he was able to stay with us in the room, which was really nice and started our breastfeeding off very, very well. Although my labor was long, painful and exhausting, the fact that I only had to push three times made the ending a lot happier. :)

**Fun Facts: Anna and Calvin both came on their own at 39 weeks exactly. They were both born on the 8th of the month and within the same hour of each other. They are exactly 3 1/2 years apart.

12 & 13 Weeks

Friday, August 4 - 12w, 1d
One more day!! Tomorrow everyone will be finding out about you and your cousin during Anna's birthday party.

Saturday, August 5 - 12w, 2d
This is it, folks! Anna's third birthday party day is here and people will be finding out about two more babies entering our family this winter, very soon! I didn't sleep the best and I'm tired already (it's only 11:30am), but I know we're going to have a fun afternoon. Anna is very excited that it's "party day" and what she thinks is her birthday. I put her down for a nap a bit ago hoping that she'll get a little sleep before the exciting afternoon, but I can hear her playing in her bed, so we'll see how that works out. Hopefully she'll crash. Well, I'll update more this evening!! :-)

Thursday, August 10 - 13 weeks
Things have been so busy that I haven't written in a while. We celebrated Anna's birthday on Saturday, announced this pregnancy that evening, then recovered from the party basically the rest of the weekend. Everyone was so surprised (mostly surprised about Elise!!) at the party about your announcement. Grandma and Shirley were a little suspicious because Anna's been talking about "the baby" at Grandma's lately, so they were waiting. Grandma is also very excited to have two little babies again later this winter. I am so excited for these two cousins to grow up together as Anna and Liam have. :)

OHH, how could I forget, we found out if you're a boy or girl on Monday!! I can't wait to share! I was planning on sharing on Anna's birthday, but decided to hold it in just a little bit longer. Maybe on the first day of school next week. :)

It's been nice having people know about this pregnancy. It's nice to have the support of other people and to not have to hide my growing belly. I've been feeling really good lately and my stress level has been manageable over the last week or so, which has been really nice.

Tuesday, August 15 - 13w, 5d
We're starting to get back into the school grind.  Yesterday was my first day back and Anna's Open House. Daddy was able to take her to drop off her supplies and meet her teacher. She loved it! I've got a very large class this  year, 27, double what I had last year. It's going to be tough, but I know we'll make it work.

Sunday night into Monday I had a dream, again (this is my second one), that you were born too early. When I have dreams like that, it takes me a long time to fall back asleep because I just keep thinking about all of the "what-ifs". I had myself convinced at 2:30 that morning that later in the day I was going to call MFM and schedule an extra appointment to check on you for my own sanity, but by the time I got up for the day and was distracted by work, I felt a lot better and never called MFM. I really don't think these feelings of anxiety will ever go away, although I'm glad they are few and far between, for now. I'm guessing as we approach 19-20 weeks, when I lost the twins, I'll be having a few more worries, but for now I'm going to just keep going day by day.
I've been feeling pretty good, although I think you've grown a bit this last week because I'm feeling some stretching and I feel a little bigger. I feel a little pop or flick every now and then, and I'm sure it's gas, but I let myself think it's you, just to reassure me that you're moving and grooving in there. :)

3 Years Old!!!

Anna, today (Aug 8) you are THREE years old!

• You've gone from calling me Mommy, to Momma, and now Mom. It's weird, but cute. You've also started called Daddy, "Dad" the last couple weeks. Sometimes it varies, but it's fun to hear what comes out of your mouth.

• You are so sassy! It started a few weeks ago and man, is it exhausting! Bedtime is the worst of it, but sometimes you just love to pick a fight. You're developing a little attitude when you talk sometimes & we are surprised, again, to hear the things that come out of your mouth...

• You talk A LOT! It's fun listening to you tell stories about your "friend" who is always named something silly & is a boy, and all of the cool things they've done. Your imagination is huge and I love that about you. You are really good at holding a conversation, too. 

• You love to be outside. You don't care if its 100 degrees or 70 degrees. You don't care if it's raining, or buggy, or windy. If you're outside, you're happy. You love to dig in the dirt, get dirty, do whatever Daddy is doing, ride your bike and your scooter, climb on anything/everything, play at the park, and follow Berkley around everywhere. Probably about 99% of the time, you're "walking barefooting" as you call it. The bottoms of your feet have often been black all summer long and you typically have at least 10 mosquito bites all over your body. (You obviously get these qualities from your Daddy, not me!)

• You are currently obsessed with the movie, Trolls. When we first started watching it, we'd have dance parties because we all loved the music so much. Then you got to the point when you wanted to watch it every single time I did my treatments. It's getting a bit old, but you got the soundtrack for your birthday, so I'm sure we'll be jamming to that in the car for a while. 

• You know most of your letters, can count to twelve (then you say 18, 19, 20, 21). We haven't been working on it as intensely lately because I know that you just pick up on it as it's introduced to you. You can also write your first name as AnnA. 

• You still love to read and insist on reading a book before nap and bedtime every day. We just got a bunch of new Usborne books from Aunt Katrina's parties, so I'm excited to read all of those with you! You also love going to the library and picking random books off the shelf for us to bring home - we've found some really good ones...and really bad ones :) 

• You're starting preschool in exactly eight days! I am SO excited for you because I really think you're going to love it! Now that you're finally three, you know that you're going to preschool soon and are getting excited, too. 

• You're going to be a big sister, again! I cannot wait to see you interact with Rainbow Bean when it's born! You are going to be an amazing big sister! 

• You are 36.5" tall and weigh in at 26 lbs, which means you've grown 3.5 inches and have gained almost 5lbs since turning two! The doctor is very pleased with your growth and I am, too!

You have developed such a personality over this last year. You love your friends and family, and get crazy/silly around those you're comfortable with. Your sass comes out when you're tired and typically put up some kind of fight (or a million excuses) at bedtime. You're an outdoor girl, which Daddy loves, but you're also a little bookworm and love to read & color, which I love. I really think you're the perfect mix of Daddy and I's personalities. I'm so excited to see you flourish in preschool this year. I hope you make friends, are nice to others, listen to the teacher, have lots of fun, and of course, learn so much! I love, and always will (even when you're a difficult teenager), your independence. It makes me happy to see that you have confidence to do things on your own. Even today, you insisted on taking your own shower, so I walked you through step-by-step on how to wash your hair & body. You are little growing up right in front of our eyes, little peanut, and you make us SO proud! We love you so much!! :-) 

29 Years

I've now been on this earth for 29 whole years. I'm sure when I was born, I wasn't "supposed to" live this long....take that CF! Right now, the median life expectancy for someone with CF is about 40. Better live up these last eleven years....kidding! I plan to surpass that "limit" too. It's weird to think that next year I'll be 30. I thought we'd be done having kids by now and just spend the rest of our lives raising them, but obviously that's not the way things are going, and that's okay!

I'm very lucky and thankful to be as healthy as I am today. Ten years ago I never imagined I would be where I am today. I thankful to have Kalydeco to help keep me stable so that I am able to raise a family, work full time and live a full life. So, for the next year, I plan to be 100% compliant with my treatments. I want my last year in my twenties to be a positive push in the direction of my health. I'd really like to start regularly exercising, but that one is always harder for me for some reason. One step at a time, back on track with 100% compliance (although, I'd say I've probably been around 90-95% lately).

Thanks to everyone who went out of their way to tell me happy birthday today - you sure know how to make a girl feel loved. Anna and I spent the day with Tim's grandma while Tim was at work. We went to a baseball game last night with his sister, her husband and their two boys. After the game we were able to see an excellent nearby firework show. Since we were going to get back late, it was smarter for us to stay in town for the night. Today we had a nice, relaxing day, and then a long crabby evening from all three of us! We're all exhausted and worn out, but I wouldn't have it any other way....well, maybe without the two hour meltdown from the almost three year old!

Love my life. Love my family. Here's to another healthy, happy year. :-)