That's right, folks -- I am 30 years old today!! I'm sure that when I was born doctors didn't think I'd live to be thirty years old. But here I am, still kickin', doing pretty well if I do say so myself... :)
To live with a chronic illness isn't always easy, but I've tried to live the last 12+ years with an attitude of not allowing CF to control the path of my life.
In the last 12 years, I've graduated from high school. Met the love of my life. Graduated college. Got married. Became a teacher. Bought a house. Became a mother (x4). Started grad school....just to name a few things :) I am proud of how far I've come, but know that I'm not even close to living life as full as I absolutely can. I hope that I can soak up every minute of the next thirty years and then some!
To help celebrate THIRTY years, I am not asking for birthday gifts or a big party. I'd love to reach my fundraising goal of $5,000 for our Great Strides team. Currently, we have raised $3,285 which means we have $1,715 to go. Any donation to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation is GREATLY appreciated and helps go towards research for treatments to help improve the quality (and quantity) of my life!
Showing posts with label Tim. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tim. Show all posts
Thursday, July 5, 2018
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
2017
We began this year excited for and anticipating the arrival of our twin little boys. We just purchased a larger vehicle to accommodate three car seats and slowly started discussing nursery plans. Unfortunately, this opportunity was ripped away from us in the early morning hours of February 5th, when little Baby A decided to make his arrival (and Baby B just a couple hours later) at just 19 weeks and 4 days. It was absolutely one of the hardest things I have ever been through, truly awful. But we very thankfully had wonderful family, friends, and work-family supporting us and are able to look back on our little guys, now 10 months later and remember their sweet little faces. Some days/moments have been harder than others, but I think that Tim and I are healing well.
This tragedy was not going to stop us from expanding our family, in March we continued the discussion with our fertility doctor about trying to get get pregnant again, this time making sure there was just one little baby when the time came. At the same time, I was learning how to cope and deal with my mixed emotions about losing two babies in such a tragic way.
April was a very memorable month for me because my sister-in-law, Katrina, and I decided to get tattoos to remember the children we've lost. I still am so grateful to have my boys' little footprints on me every single day. It reminds me what we've been through and what I'm so lucky to have now.
May was filled with fertility treatments, shots, appointments and ended with our first IVF transfer and four frozen embryos. It was an emotional month because I was also wrapping up a school year with several coworkers who would not be returning the following year.
In June we found out our IVF was successful, and the worry set in immediately. I was terrified of losing the baby again; I was afraid to get attached to the pregnancy only to see if fail; each doctor appointment was more stressful than the one before as I anticipated bad news each time.
In July, I was grateful to see my pregnancy progress normally and was so anxious to spill the beans! Anna and I spent lots of time together, doing fun things and soaking up the joys of summer.
August brought mixed emotions and back to the grind of busy schedules - six months since delivering the twins, Anna turned three, we shared the news of our Rainbow Baby & a new baby cousin due only weeks apart, Anna started preschool, we found out Rainbow Baby is a BOY, and I started my Master's.
In September, the MFM team began to monitor my cervix to make sure it was staying strong (no issues, thank goodness!) and I began my appointments every two weeks. We also went on our annual family camping trip which was really warm this year, but as always, so much fun!
October was Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. Tim, Anna, Katrina, Isaac and I attended the SHARE Walk in Missouri to remember our boys. Their support has meant the world to me this year! To end the month, I started insulin and was officially diagnosed with gestational diabetes.
November was fairly uneventful. I was super busy keeping up with teaching and Master's homework, but also had the opportunity to attend a National Science Teacher Conference in Milwaukee with a few of my awesome coworkers.
December was busy with end of the semester projects and homework, but it was worth it because I passed both classes with an A! We continued to make some progress on Brother's room in between all of our family Christmases.
This is a year that we will never forget. Tim & I's lives were forever changed this year after losing two of our children. I am so thankful to have such a wonderful, supportive husband who helped get me through this awful time. I'm also super thankful to be ending this year on a positive note. Brother is now 33+5 weeks along and developing beautifully. Anna is thriving in school, growing and maturing right before our eyes. We are very lucky! I hope that our biggest challenge this upcoming year is raising two kids while working full time and while I continue my Master's -- that sounds like enough for me! Every year for the last four years, I've had to report the death of a loved one on my annual review, and I'm hoping that this year will bring health and happiness to all of those around us!
Monday, February 20, 2017
Second Week - Recovery
Another week down, yet it feels like it's been forever. This week has been a bit easier, but I still think about both boys all the time. I've been playing a lot of "what-if" scenarios in my head this week: What if I knew my water broke? What if I didn't go to my CF appointment? What if I had gone in to be checked just one more time?... I don't like thinking this way because I know that there was absolutely no way to change the outcome of what happened, but sometimes I just can't help but think about it. I think these thoughts will always be in the back of my mind, and I'm looking forward to the days when they don't pop up frequently.
On a brighter note, going back to work felt so good - way better than I expected. In my last post I talked about how I was nervous about how the kids would react, or if things would be weird. Nothing weird or awkward! The kids were just so excited to have me back, I honestly bet half of them forgot why I was even gone. I did get several hugs from kids (and a few from adults) and felt so welcomed back! Everyone was extremely positive and sweet. Thursday, it felt so good to be teaching again. I remember thinking during a lesson, "This is where I'm supposed to be. This is what I'm supposed to be doing." Friday, I got to work and was full of energy. I cleaned and organized my room, rearranged desks, entered grades, sorted papers....all while I was supposed to be at a meeting - oops! Oh well, no biggie. :)
It was nice having a three day weekend, with gorgeous weather, to spend time with friends and my little family. Tim, Anna and I were able to enjoy lots of time outside this weekend which was so fun. It's tricky because I'm glad that I was able to go for a long walk with them this weekend, but it also made me a little sad because I'm not huge, pregnant and waddling like I expected to be. There are little moments like these that pop up day to day where I think to myself, "I wouldn't be able to do this if I was still pregnant." Sometimes I feel like I was never pregnant, but it's times like these where I remember that I absolutely was and those little guys were a part of our life, even for that short amount of time.
I try really hard not to dwell on the what-ifs and that "this would be different if I was still pregnant" moments because I cannot do anything to change what has happened. I don't want to surround myself with negativity and stress - that's not going to help this healing process AT ALL. I feel that both Tim and I have been dealing with everything and beginning to healing really well. We've had some wonderful talks, we've been really positive about everything and it's been great having him throughout all of this over the last couple weeks. I had no idea what to expect or how I'd handle this whole situation two weeks ago, but I really do feel that we've both come a long way and I'm proud of how we're handling everything. I'm sure there will be many tough moments ahead (their due date, this summer, milestones, holidays, etc), but I know that we are strong together and we can make it through. :)
On a brighter note, going back to work felt so good - way better than I expected. In my last post I talked about how I was nervous about how the kids would react, or if things would be weird. Nothing weird or awkward! The kids were just so excited to have me back, I honestly bet half of them forgot why I was even gone. I did get several hugs from kids (and a few from adults) and felt so welcomed back! Everyone was extremely positive and sweet. Thursday, it felt so good to be teaching again. I remember thinking during a lesson, "This is where I'm supposed to be. This is what I'm supposed to be doing." Friday, I got to work and was full of energy. I cleaned and organized my room, rearranged desks, entered grades, sorted papers....all while I was supposed to be at a meeting - oops! Oh well, no biggie. :)
It was nice having a three day weekend, with gorgeous weather, to spend time with friends and my little family. Tim, Anna and I were able to enjoy lots of time outside this weekend which was so fun. It's tricky because I'm glad that I was able to go for a long walk with them this weekend, but it also made me a little sad because I'm not huge, pregnant and waddling like I expected to be. There are little moments like these that pop up day to day where I think to myself, "I wouldn't be able to do this if I was still pregnant." Sometimes I feel like I was never pregnant, but it's times like these where I remember that I absolutely was and those little guys were a part of our life, even for that short amount of time.
I try really hard not to dwell on the what-ifs and that "this would be different if I was still pregnant" moments because I cannot do anything to change what has happened. I don't want to surround myself with negativity and stress - that's not going to help this healing process AT ALL. I feel that both Tim and I have been dealing with everything and beginning to healing really well. We've had some wonderful talks, we've been really positive about everything and it's been great having him throughout all of this over the last couple weeks. I had no idea what to expect or how I'd handle this whole situation two weeks ago, but I really do feel that we've both come a long way and I'm proud of how we're handling everything. I'm sure there will be many tough moments ahead (their due date, this summer, milestones, holidays, etc), but I know that we are strong together and we can make it through. :)
Saturday, February 11, 2017
One Week Later - Emotions
Wow, as we come up on a week already since losing the boys, I am overwhelmed with many emotions.
Of course I'm sad that all of this happened. It hurts that we won't see our little guys grow up together with their sister. I'm still confused as to why this happened - something we will never, ever have the answer to. I'm disappointed that after going through months and months of fertility treatments to even get pregnant, we had to say good-bye to our little boys before they were ready to be born. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted from the actual event of it all, and replaying it in my mind over and over...
But despite all of these "expected" emotions, I've also been overwhelmed with love. The love that I have for my husband and daughter has been my strength to get me through this. The way he has supported me over this week makes me so proud and so lucky to be his wife. We've both been so happy to have Anna as our little ray of sunshine to keep us happy and laughing during the difficult/emotional moments.
But what's more, is that I cannot believe how lucky we are to have such amazing people in our lives! The amount of love that has come our way over this last week has been absolutely amazing and I cannot even begin to put into words (even though I'm going to try) how thankful we are to each and every person that reached out to us.
When such a tragedy happens to a loved one, as an outsider, you don't know what to do or say that's going to make those people feel better. You don't want to say too much, or not enough, and you really don't know what you're supposed to do.
But when the tragedy happens to you, I've realized that it doesn't matter what people say or how much they say - what matters is that they are there and that you know they love you. I didn't know what I wanted people to say to me after all of this -- what could they really say that was going to make me feel better?! What helped was knowing that people cared, no matter how they showed it. Our family and friends have been amazing over this last week. The outpouring of love towards our family has been unbelievable and truly, greatly appreciated. We seriously have the best family supporting us through this situation.
And a special shout-out to my work family! Holy cow, you guys! I've worked in this building for five years, and have seen our staff come together and support each other and our families many, many times. But to be on the receiving end of that support....it's unimaginable. To see that the people you work along side every day (and some you just see in passing because we're all so busy) truly care about you and your family is amazing. Again, I cannot express how thankful we are to everyone who helped cover my classroom, fill in my plans, talk to and support my kids through this hard time, donate their sick days, their time, their energy to make getting through this difficult time just a tad bit easier - it means the world to me.
I know that my emotions are going to be all over the place for a long time coming, and I don't think it's ever something we'll completely get over, but it'll get easier with time. But for those rough, emotional, hard times, I know that we are absolutely surrounded by people that love us so much and that truly makes all the difference. So, to every single person who has reached out to our family in any way, THANK YOU are not big enough words to express how much we appreciate you and your love.
Of course I'm sad that all of this happened. It hurts that we won't see our little guys grow up together with their sister. I'm still confused as to why this happened - something we will never, ever have the answer to. I'm disappointed that after going through months and months of fertility treatments to even get pregnant, we had to say good-bye to our little boys before they were ready to be born. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted from the actual event of it all, and replaying it in my mind over and over...
But despite all of these "expected" emotions, I've also been overwhelmed with love. The love that I have for my husband and daughter has been my strength to get me through this. The way he has supported me over this week makes me so proud and so lucky to be his wife. We've both been so happy to have Anna as our little ray of sunshine to keep us happy and laughing during the difficult/emotional moments.
But what's more, is that I cannot believe how lucky we are to have such amazing people in our lives! The amount of love that has come our way over this last week has been absolutely amazing and I cannot even begin to put into words (even though I'm going to try) how thankful we are to each and every person that reached out to us.
When such a tragedy happens to a loved one, as an outsider, you don't know what to do or say that's going to make those people feel better. You don't want to say too much, or not enough, and you really don't know what you're supposed to do.
But when the tragedy happens to you, I've realized that it doesn't matter what people say or how much they say - what matters is that they are there and that you know they love you. I didn't know what I wanted people to say to me after all of this -- what could they really say that was going to make me feel better?! What helped was knowing that people cared, no matter how they showed it. Our family and friends have been amazing over this last week. The outpouring of love towards our family has been unbelievable and truly, greatly appreciated. We seriously have the best family supporting us through this situation.
And a special shout-out to my work family! Holy cow, you guys! I've worked in this building for five years, and have seen our staff come together and support each other and our families many, many times. But to be on the receiving end of that support....it's unimaginable. To see that the people you work along side every day (and some you just see in passing because we're all so busy) truly care about you and your family is amazing. Again, I cannot express how thankful we are to everyone who helped cover my classroom, fill in my plans, talk to and support my kids through this hard time, donate their sick days, their time, their energy to make getting through this difficult time just a tad bit easier - it means the world to me.
I know that my emotions are going to be all over the place for a long time coming, and I don't think it's ever something we'll completely get over, but it'll get easier with time. But for those rough, emotional, hard times, I know that we are absolutely surrounded by people that love us so much and that truly makes all the difference. So, to every single person who has reached out to our family in any way, THANK YOU are not big enough words to express how much we appreciate you and your love.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Positive Thoughts Thursday
It's been too long since I've done one of these, and there are way too many positive things going on in my life right now to neglect mentioning!
- I'm 26 years old, with Cystic Fibrosis and will be 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow!
- My latest PFT (done less than a week ago) was amazing! My FEV1 is 83% and my small airway lung function is 92%!
- Baby Girl is growing steadily. :-)
- It absolutely amazes me what my "sick" body can do!!
- I have an amazing, hard-working husband! We've been in our house for just about a year now and it looks like a completely different home, inside and out!
- Tim's sister, Katrina, had her second child yesterday - our first niece, Alayna! I'm so excited that our girls will be so close in age. And the thought of watching all of the cousins grow up together is even more exciting!
- I've been walking with a friend 3-4 mornings a week which has been great exercise and great adult interaction over summer.
- For every hot week of summer, we've had a nice, cool week to balance it out. I absolutely love being able to have the windows open, especially at night, to feel the fresh air throughout the house.
- My classroom is ready to go for my maternity leave! Its a wonderful relief knowing that's all taken care of already.
Thursday, June 19, 2014
31 Weeks
Sunday, June 15 - 31w, 2d
Officially two months until you're due date, but I know everyone's hoping you'll come a little early. :) Yesterday, we had our last baby shower for you and it was great. We got a ton of equipment and 'stuff' for you so I'm starting to feel much more prepared for your arrival. I cannot wait to go through it this week, open things, set things up and get your first load of laundry done!
Monday, June 16 - 31w, 3d
I had your next appointment today with the high-risk team. First, I had a very quick ultrasound done to measure my fluid, you were breech again and your heart rate was 139bpm. This time you feet were way over your head and your arms were covering your face...again! You really don't want us to get another 3-D picture & see your cute face until you're born! That's okay, I guess, since its coming up quick. :)
After the ultrasound, I was weighed (132.2 lbs) and then talked with the doctor for a little bit. He was very pleased with our progress and we talked about beginning labor & delivery plans and what meds & things to bring with me to the hospital.
Finally, I had my first non-stress test. I sat in a large recliner with two monitors hooked up to my belly that monitored your heart rate, movements and possible contractions. I sat there for a little over 30 minutes, then the doctor looked at the graph print out. He said everything looked great and that he'd see me next week.
Wednesday, June 18 - 31w, 5d
I've been having so much fun organizing your nursery! Now if we can just get rid of the enormous recliner in there, I could arrange the room how I want it. Today I did your first two loads of laundry. The first load was sheets, towels, blankets, burp cloths and bibs.
The second load was all newborn, 0-3 month and a few larger onsies, and all outfits that I've taken the tags off of. This is probably only about 1/2 of your full wardrobe because I've left the tags on lots of things, especially the bigger stuff, because we don't know if you'll be able to wear it all!
And I can't forget to give credit to your daddy! While I've been focusing my nesting on your room, he's been focused on finishing all of his projects inside the house and outside. It's been extremely hot this week, but everyday after work he's been out in the backyard putting the patio together and he never complains! I tried to help him out by mowing the lawn yesterday, because that's about as much heat as I can handle.
Speaking of heat, I've been walking every morning with my friend, Natalie & her adorable daughter, Makenzie, to get my exercise in each day. I'm glad we're doing it, especially in the morning, because even though it may only be 30-45 minutes, we sure do work up a sweat! But it feels so good to get out of the house each morning and get a little work out in to start my day.
Thursday, June 19 - 31w, 6d
Final thoughts for the week: I'm still getting random, sporadic Braxton Hicks (some days more than others); I can tell you're growing because my low ligament pain is coming back; my gas/bloating/bathroom needs have gotten much better since consistently adding an extra enzyme to all meals & snacks (yay!); and I can also tell you're getting bigger because my lungs aren't bouncing back as quickly now that I'm on Tobi as they normally do. I still cough up a lot of junk and feel tight/crackly more than usual after a week of Tobi and I'm attributing that to the lack of space in there. But really, I can't complain. I'm still feeling well, getting things done around the house (so much so that I'm running out of things to do) and you're still moving, shifting and rolling all the time. :-)
Officially two months until you're due date, but I know everyone's hoping you'll come a little early. :) Yesterday, we had our last baby shower for you and it was great. We got a ton of equipment and 'stuff' for you so I'm starting to feel much more prepared for your arrival. I cannot wait to go through it this week, open things, set things up and get your first load of laundry done!
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| Mommy & Auntie Catie |
Monday, June 16 - 31w, 3d
I had your next appointment today with the high-risk team. First, I had a very quick ultrasound done to measure my fluid, you were breech again and your heart rate was 139bpm. This time you feet were way over your head and your arms were covering your face...again! You really don't want us to get another 3-D picture & see your cute face until you're born! That's okay, I guess, since its coming up quick. :)
After the ultrasound, I was weighed (132.2 lbs) and then talked with the doctor for a little bit. He was very pleased with our progress and we talked about beginning labor & delivery plans and what meds & things to bring with me to the hospital.
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| View of my belly during my NST |
Wednesday, June 18 - 31w, 5d
I've been having so much fun organizing your nursery! Now if we can just get rid of the enormous recliner in there, I could arrange the room how I want it. Today I did your first two loads of laundry. The first load was sheets, towels, blankets, burp cloths and bibs.
The second load was all newborn, 0-3 month and a few larger onsies, and all outfits that I've taken the tags off of. This is probably only about 1/2 of your full wardrobe because I've left the tags on lots of things, especially the bigger stuff, because we don't know if you'll be able to wear it all!
And I can't forget to give credit to your daddy! While I've been focusing my nesting on your room, he's been focused on finishing all of his projects inside the house and outside. It's been extremely hot this week, but everyday after work he's been out in the backyard putting the patio together and he never complains! I tried to help him out by mowing the lawn yesterday, because that's about as much heat as I can handle.
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| Here's the patio this evening before Daddy started putting the pavers down. |
Speaking of heat, I've been walking every morning with my friend, Natalie & her adorable daughter, Makenzie, to get my exercise in each day. I'm glad we're doing it, especially in the morning, because even though it may only be 30-45 minutes, we sure do work up a sweat! But it feels so good to get out of the house each morning and get a little work out in to start my day.
Thursday, June 19 - 31w, 6d
Final thoughts for the week: I'm still getting random, sporadic Braxton Hicks (some days more than others); I can tell you're growing because my low ligament pain is coming back; my gas/bloating/bathroom needs have gotten much better since consistently adding an extra enzyme to all meals & snacks (yay!); and I can also tell you're getting bigger because my lungs aren't bouncing back as quickly now that I'm on Tobi as they normally do. I still cough up a lot of junk and feel tight/crackly more than usual after a week of Tobi and I'm attributing that to the lack of space in there. But really, I can't complain. I'm still feeling well, getting things done around the house (so much so that I'm running out of things to do) and you're still moving, shifting and rolling all the time. :-)
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Life in General
It's been too long since I've posted a non-pregnancy related post, but it's pretty hard when that's constantly on my mind! Last "normal" post was in February, I think...oops!
Anyway, we've been keeping extremely busy over the past few months. I'm pretty sure Tim started
nesting as soon as we found out I was pregnant. He's been a working machine! He completely refinished all of the hardwood floors in the house which look fantastic. He redid the ceiling (scraped the popcorn, sanded, added drywall and painted) in the living room and added a fireplace and mantel to the living room, as well repainting it all. The nursery is finished construction-wise, but still has lots of organizing and decorating to do once we get more baby supplies/furniture from our showers in June. We just had a new roof put on our house last week. Tim's also planning on adding a patio and pond to the backyard, as well as repainting the ugly blue siding on our house. And if he can get all of that done before August, I know that the kitchen is next -- which includes repainting the cabinets, extending our pantry, laying new hardwood floors, installing a new countertop and knocking down a wall...and he says there's not much to do in there... :)
I've tried to help out as much as possible but with being pregnant and not super handy, I've only done some of the painting, helped scrape the ceiling and helped move things when I could. Tim has been excellent at getting everything done even when he works full time doing the exact same stuff for work everyday...I don't know how he has the energy!
This last weekend we had our second Great Strides walk! Our team has raised around $1,200! We had gorgeous weather and had a great time visiting with all of Tim's family for the weekend. I did one of the opening speeches about my life with CF and how I had to kick my butt over the last few years to get my body ready for a pregnancy. The speech was a little scattered (pregnancy brain!), but I always enjoy sharing my story with others. Afterwards, I went to join my family and our almost 4 year old nephew gave me a high-five and said, "that was awesome!"
In other news, I've been pretty busy wrapping up the end of the school year with my little boogers and preparing for maternity leave in the fall. I recently learned that next year I'll be teaching Kindergarten again, so I'm really looking forward to that. It'll be much easier coming back from maternity leave to a grade that I've taught before instead of third grade like it was before. We're down to ten days of school left! This school year has flown by, thankfully, because my class has a couple (four to be exact) handfuls that I'm am definitely looking forward to getting a break from....lol. This summer I'll be moving rooms, again. Thankfully my principal and custodian are wonderful at accommodating all of the pregnant teachers who have to move this summer and doing our rooms first. I'm hoping to have all of my bulletin board fabric and boarders up the day after the last day of school. Then all I'll have to do when I come back after the room is cleaned is arrange the furniture, hang posters and organize. Anyone willing to come down this summer to help me out with that is more than welcome!
Speaking of summer, ours is full! Between baby showers, friends' weddings, family parties and a weekend trip to St. Louis for a Cardinals game, Tim and I will be super busy! Luckily I'll have still have weekdays to put my feet up and relax, :-), but my poor hubby is going to be going non-stop! Hopefully he'll get a few relaxing weekends this summer before the sleepless nights begin in three months! :-)
Anyway, we've been keeping extremely busy over the past few months. I'm pretty sure Tim started
This last weekend we had our second Great Strides walk! Our team has raised around $1,200! We had gorgeous weather and had a great time visiting with all of Tim's family for the weekend. I did one of the opening speeches about my life with CF and how I had to kick my butt over the last few years to get my body ready for a pregnancy. The speech was a little scattered (pregnancy brain!), but I always enjoy sharing my story with others. Afterwards, I went to join my family and our almost 4 year old nephew gave me a high-five and said, "that was awesome!"
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| My biggest fan :-) |
Speaking of summer, ours is full! Between baby showers, friends' weddings, family parties and a weekend trip to St. Louis for a Cardinals game, Tim and I will be super busy! Luckily I'll have still have weekdays to put my feet up and relax, :-), but my poor hubby is going to be going non-stop! Hopefully he'll get a few relaxing weekends this summer before the sleepless nights begin in three months! :-)
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Our (In)Fertility Journey - Part Four, Conclusion
Read "Part One" here.
Read "Part Two" here.
Read "Part Three" here.
Every part of the July cycle was exactly the same, except instead of doing timed intercourse, when I was ovulating Tim would go in and provide a sample. Then they would wash his sample, pulling out the strongest 5 million sperm from around 20-30 million to give us the best chances. I would go in and have his sample inserted, past my cervix and directly into my uterus with a catheter. The procedure itself took less than a minute and felt very similar to a pap smear with a bit more discomfort. I told the doctor to make sure to "aim left" since that's where my mature follicle was, he said he'd try! ;) Then they had my lie on the table for about 15-20 minutes, and then I was free to go about my normal activities. Two weeks after the procedure, I would take a pregnancy test to see if it worked.
My IUI happened to fall on the morning of the first day of Country Thunder (four day long country concert in Wisconsin), so as soon as the procedure was over, I spent four hours driving north to see the first night of performers. (Unfortunately, I took too long to get there & traffic was horrible, so I decided to skip the concerts and head back to my friend's cottage to relax). Thankfully, I was preoccupied all weekend, and of course very relaxed, which was nice because it kept my mind off of the fact that I could be growing a baby inside me!
Thirteen grueling days later (yes, I tested a day early - I couldn't wait!), I took a pregnancy test. Shortly after I took it, there was no second line (negative), so I threw it in the bathroom garbage can. A couple hours later, I went to use the bathroom and decided to pull the test out of the garbage and look at it again...just in case. To my surprise, there was a faint second line! I couldn't believe it! I thought for sure it was just an evaporation line because it had been a couple hours, but just to make sure I took another test. This time I followed the directions on the test and waited the entire five minutes before allowing myself back in the bathroom to look at it again. Longest five minutes ever! When I went back in....there were two pink lines!!!! I was absolutely shocked!! I called the fertility clinic to see if I could come in for blood work within the next day or two, and they told me that I could come in right then! So of course I hopped in the truck and drove there as fast as I legally could! :) A couple hours later, they called me back and told me that for a viable pregnancy, my hcg level should be above 20 and mine was 25. They said that we should be "cautiously optimistic" and come back in two days for a repeat blood test. So, in the meantime, I was trying to decide how to tell Tim. I didn't want to tell him over the phone because I wanted to see his reaction. I went to Target to buy him a new hamper (since his broke during the move - oh yeah, we had just moved into our first house a couple weeks prior) and I bought a St. Louis Cardinals onsie. I kept the onsie in the bag and put it in the hamper. When Tim got home and saw it, he was completely shocked! He said, "I didn't think about how I'd react when it actually did happen." Needless to say, we were extremely excited!
Two days later, the day of my bestie's rehearsal dinner, I went back to the fertility clinic first thing in the morning to get repeat blood work. They told me they'd call me in the afternoon with the results and then we'd go from there. When I got the call from the fertility clinic only an hour or two later, I knew something was up. The head nurse was on the other line and told me that my hcg level actually went down to a 19, which means that this was not a viable pregnancy (it should have at least doubled). They suspected that the egg probably fertilized, but never implanted. She explained that its extremely common and that if I wasn't being monitored so closely, I probably would have never known. This being a Friday, they wanted to see me back on Monday to make sure that my levels continued to drop and get back to normal. She suggested taking the month of August off from any treatment to let my body/hormones regulate, and then we'd try again in September. I was crushed. I had no idea what to say. I couldn't believe it. For the past two days I was on the biggest high of my life and it all came crashing down in that moment. When I got off the phone, I cried. I tried to compose myself enough to call Tim. I wasn't going to see him the rest of the weekend because I was going up for my friend's wedding and Tim had to work all weekend. I couldn't keep my composure on the phone with him for very long, and it was so hard doing it over the phone. I decided to pack up my things for the weekend quickly, stop by his work on the way up north and see him. I couldn't go all weekend without seeing him. I brought lunch and we sat in an empty apartment where he was working for the day, just wondering why it happened this way. *Looking back, I understand it's very common for women to miscarry (especially this early on), but at this time, I just couldn't wrap my mind around it.* Something we had been working so hard for years on, and wanting so bad, was just at our finger tips and ripped away from us. While I was with Tim, my CF doctor called me (I texted her to call me) and I told her the news. She was extremely understanding and was an amazing person to talk to about this. She reassured me that in the month of August, she would do everything she could to get me on Kalydeco because she really felt it would help me get healthier and might even help me get pregnant - this, at least, gave me a little something to look forward to. After Tim's lunch break, I headed up north, put on my happy face and watched my best friend get married! It was a great distraction, but it was still pretty difficult. Over the weekend, my period started, only about a day later than it would have typically, so the nurse was right - if I hadn't done any tests or blood work, I would have never known I was pregnant.
Looking back, it was actually pretty nice having the month of August off of any fertility treatments because the beginning of a school year is very busy and stressful. At the end of August, I started taking Kalydeco! When my cycle started at the end of August/beginning of September, I started another round of the same treatment. I was determined to do another IUI. We knew the procedure would work, we just had to try again! This month my mature follicle was on my right side - the side with no tube - so the chances of me getting pregnant were extremely slim, but I pushed for another IUI anyway. Not a huge surprise when it didn't work two weeks later, but I was still bummed. Tim and I agreed to not go through another IUI until my mature follicle was back on the left where we needed it to be. In October, my follicle was on the right side again, so we didn't do anything that cycle. Again, it was kind of nice to have a break and not stress about it, but it was still another month gone by that I wasn't pregnant. In November, my follicle was finally back on the left side!! I was so excited to finally go through another IUI with better chances this time.
My IUI was on Thursday, November 21st, first thing in the morning. It was the day of my first graders' Thanksgiving Feast put on by our partner church, so I decided to take a 1/2 day in the morning for the procedure and then go back to work for the afternoon. The IUI went well, same procedure as last time. While I was having the IUI done, the head nurse was asking why Tim and I didn't just go for IVF. I explained our situation and how, really, this was our second "good" IUI and that I didn't want to go for IVF until I knew these IUIs weren't going to work. I told her that I thought the IUI was just what I needed, but she said she was going to sign us up for a IVF consultation meeting in March/April to do a summer IVF in case these didn't work. I just brushed it off and didn't think about it too much after.
Twelve days later, on Tuesday, December 3rd, I took a pregnancy test. Tim was annoyed that I did it two days early because of what happened last time only a day early, but I just couldn't wait any longer! My boobs were killing me, so it had me thinking...
This leads me to this post!
The test was positive!!!! I took another test Wednesday morning, Wednesday evening, and then again Thursday morning before getting blood work later that morning. My hcg level was 189....much, much stronger than the first time. The following Monday, my hcg level rose just as it was supposed to, to a nice strong 1,015! Two weeks later, Tim and I went to our first ultrasound at six weeks, three days, and saw our little peanut (blob) for the first time - it was so unreal!
It took me a long time to accept the fact that I was pregnant. I kept telling people I was pregnant, and I saw it on the ultrasound, saw it on the million pregnancy tests I took, but it took a long time for it to sink in! It really took the physical changes to my body and then finding out it was a girl for me to start bonding with her and accepting that this is reality. Even today, at 20 weeks - halfway through my pregnancy - I still find it hard to believe. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to wake up from this crazy dream only to find out it's not really true. But I try to push that aside and embrace what is happening! This little miracle child is growing perfectly inside me and will be our daughter in only four more months!
There is absolutely no way I would have made it through this process without my amazing husband, Tim. He has been an amazing support and trooper, going through his share of testing, too, to make this happen. There were times over the last three years where I just wanted to throw in the towel and give up (ask him about the time I trapped him in the bathroom and cried...). There were plenty of times where I thought this was never going to happen for us. But he was always there, with a level head, to keep me pushing through. I couldn't have asked for a better person to be at my side through all of this. I know he is going to be an AMAZING dad to this little girl. He already loves her so much. It's absolutely amazing to see how involved he already is and I can't wait to see him interacting with her once she's here. :-)
I know this sounds so cliche, but I hope this helps people who are going through similar experiences to never give up!! Also, don't be ashamed or embarrassed by what you're going through! Thankfully, along the way, I felt more comfortable sharing bits of our experiences with some family and close friends. This really helped me realize it was nothing to be ashamed of, but I also didn't publicly document it as we went along because it was very emotionally tolling for us. PLEASE, please, please ask me any questions if you or someone you know is going through a similar experience and I will gladly share more of our experiences with you.
And if you have some friends or family who you think should start having kids, maybe this will help you be a little bit more sensitive to why they don't yet...
When people would ask when we were going to have kids while we were going through all of this, I would just brush it off as "hopefully soon" or "eventually", when all I wanted to shout at them sometimes was "I CAN'T!" or "We've only been trying for ____ months/years!" You have absolutely no idea what people are going through in their personal lives. Please try to be sensitive to others, especially during such an emotional process.
The reason I titled this series "(in)fertility" is because I feel like the word infertility has such a negative connotation to it, but that's often what it's referred to. I prefer to use the word fertility because I feel like it gives me hope. No one wants to hear that they're "infertile". But going through 'fertility treatments' at least gives me the outlook that we're a work in progress. Clearly our journey was not short or easy, but it was absolutely, positively, 100% worth it. Here I am, halfway through my pregnancy already, but I will never forget what we had to go through to get to this point. This little girl has been so deeply wanted and loved well before she was even created.
Thank you so much for reading. I hope you've learned something from me sharing our story. :)
Read "Part Two" here.
Read "Part Three" here.
Every part of the July cycle was exactly the same, except instead of doing timed intercourse, when I was ovulating Tim would go in and provide a sample. Then they would wash his sample, pulling out the strongest 5 million sperm from around 20-30 million to give us the best chances. I would go in and have his sample inserted, past my cervix and directly into my uterus with a catheter. The procedure itself took less than a minute and felt very similar to a pap smear with a bit more discomfort. I told the doctor to make sure to "aim left" since that's where my mature follicle was, he said he'd try! ;) Then they had my lie on the table for about 15-20 minutes, and then I was free to go about my normal activities. Two weeks after the procedure, I would take a pregnancy test to see if it worked.
My IUI happened to fall on the morning of the first day of Country Thunder (four day long country concert in Wisconsin), so as soon as the procedure was over, I spent four hours driving north to see the first night of performers. (Unfortunately, I took too long to get there & traffic was horrible, so I decided to skip the concerts and head back to my friend's cottage to relax). Thankfully, I was preoccupied all weekend, and of course very relaxed, which was nice because it kept my mind off of the fact that I could be growing a baby inside me!
Thirteen grueling days later (yes, I tested a day early - I couldn't wait!), I took a pregnancy test. Shortly after I took it, there was no second line (negative), so I threw it in the bathroom garbage can. A couple hours later, I went to use the bathroom and decided to pull the test out of the garbage and look at it again...just in case. To my surprise, there was a faint second line! I couldn't believe it! I thought for sure it was just an evaporation line because it had been a couple hours, but just to make sure I took another test. This time I followed the directions on the test and waited the entire five minutes before allowing myself back in the bathroom to look at it again. Longest five minutes ever! When I went back in....there were two pink lines!!!! I was absolutely shocked!! I called the fertility clinic to see if I could come in for blood work within the next day or two, and they told me that I could come in right then! So of course I hopped in the truck and drove there as fast as I legally could! :) A couple hours later, they called me back and told me that for a viable pregnancy, my hcg level should be above 20 and mine was 25. They said that we should be "cautiously optimistic" and come back in two days for a repeat blood test. So, in the meantime, I was trying to decide how to tell Tim. I didn't want to tell him over the phone because I wanted to see his reaction. I went to Target to buy him a new hamper (since his broke during the move - oh yeah, we had just moved into our first house a couple weeks prior) and I bought a St. Louis Cardinals onsie. I kept the onsie in the bag and put it in the hamper. When Tim got home and saw it, he was completely shocked! He said, "I didn't think about how I'd react when it actually did happen." Needless to say, we were extremely excited!
Two days later, the day of my bestie's rehearsal dinner, I went back to the fertility clinic first thing in the morning to get repeat blood work. They told me they'd call me in the afternoon with the results and then we'd go from there. When I got the call from the fertility clinic only an hour or two later, I knew something was up. The head nurse was on the other line and told me that my hcg level actually went down to a 19, which means that this was not a viable pregnancy (it should have at least doubled). They suspected that the egg probably fertilized, but never implanted. She explained that its extremely common and that if I wasn't being monitored so closely, I probably would have never known. This being a Friday, they wanted to see me back on Monday to make sure that my levels continued to drop and get back to normal. She suggested taking the month of August off from any treatment to let my body/hormones regulate, and then we'd try again in September. I was crushed. I had no idea what to say. I couldn't believe it. For the past two days I was on the biggest high of my life and it all came crashing down in that moment. When I got off the phone, I cried. I tried to compose myself enough to call Tim. I wasn't going to see him the rest of the weekend because I was going up for my friend's wedding and Tim had to work all weekend. I couldn't keep my composure on the phone with him for very long, and it was so hard doing it over the phone. I decided to pack up my things for the weekend quickly, stop by his work on the way up north and see him. I couldn't go all weekend without seeing him. I brought lunch and we sat in an empty apartment where he was working for the day, just wondering why it happened this way. *Looking back, I understand it's very common for women to miscarry (especially this early on), but at this time, I just couldn't wrap my mind around it.* Something we had been working so hard for years on, and wanting so bad, was just at our finger tips and ripped away from us. While I was with Tim, my CF doctor called me (I texted her to call me) and I told her the news. She was extremely understanding and was an amazing person to talk to about this. She reassured me that in the month of August, she would do everything she could to get me on Kalydeco because she really felt it would help me get healthier and might even help me get pregnant - this, at least, gave me a little something to look forward to. After Tim's lunch break, I headed up north, put on my happy face and watched my best friend get married! It was a great distraction, but it was still pretty difficult. Over the weekend, my period started, only about a day later than it would have typically, so the nurse was right - if I hadn't done any tests or blood work, I would have never known I was pregnant.
Looking back, it was actually pretty nice having the month of August off of any fertility treatments because the beginning of a school year is very busy and stressful. At the end of August, I started taking Kalydeco! When my cycle started at the end of August/beginning of September, I started another round of the same treatment. I was determined to do another IUI. We knew the procedure would work, we just had to try again! This month my mature follicle was on my right side - the side with no tube - so the chances of me getting pregnant were extremely slim, but I pushed for another IUI anyway. Not a huge surprise when it didn't work two weeks later, but I was still bummed. Tim and I agreed to not go through another IUI until my mature follicle was back on the left where we needed it to be. In October, my follicle was on the right side again, so we didn't do anything that cycle. Again, it was kind of nice to have a break and not stress about it, but it was still another month gone by that I wasn't pregnant. In November, my follicle was finally back on the left side!! I was so excited to finally go through another IUI with better chances this time.
My IUI was on Thursday, November 21st, first thing in the morning. It was the day of my first graders' Thanksgiving Feast put on by our partner church, so I decided to take a 1/2 day in the morning for the procedure and then go back to work for the afternoon. The IUI went well, same procedure as last time. While I was having the IUI done, the head nurse was asking why Tim and I didn't just go for IVF. I explained our situation and how, really, this was our second "good" IUI and that I didn't want to go for IVF until I knew these IUIs weren't going to work. I told her that I thought the IUI was just what I needed, but she said she was going to sign us up for a IVF consultation meeting in March/April to do a summer IVF in case these didn't work. I just brushed it off and didn't think about it too much after.
Twelve days later, on Tuesday, December 3rd, I took a pregnancy test. Tim was annoyed that I did it two days early because of what happened last time only a day early, but I just couldn't wait any longer! My boobs were killing me, so it had me thinking...
This leads me to this post!
The test was positive!!!! I took another test Wednesday morning, Wednesday evening, and then again Thursday morning before getting blood work later that morning. My hcg level was 189....much, much stronger than the first time. The following Monday, my hcg level rose just as it was supposed to, to a nice strong 1,015! Two weeks later, Tim and I went to our first ultrasound at six weeks, three days, and saw our little peanut (blob) for the first time - it was so unreal!
It took me a long time to accept the fact that I was pregnant. I kept telling people I was pregnant, and I saw it on the ultrasound, saw it on the million pregnancy tests I took, but it took a long time for it to sink in! It really took the physical changes to my body and then finding out it was a girl for me to start bonding with her and accepting that this is reality. Even today, at 20 weeks - halfway through my pregnancy - I still find it hard to believe. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to wake up from this crazy dream only to find out it's not really true. But I try to push that aside and embrace what is happening! This little miracle child is growing perfectly inside me and will be our daughter in only four more months!
There is absolutely no way I would have made it through this process without my amazing husband, Tim. He has been an amazing support and trooper, going through his share of testing, too, to make this happen. There were times over the last three years where I just wanted to throw in the towel and give up (ask him about the time I trapped him in the bathroom and cried...). There were plenty of times where I thought this was never going to happen for us. But he was always there, with a level head, to keep me pushing through. I couldn't have asked for a better person to be at my side through all of this. I know he is going to be an AMAZING dad to this little girl. He already loves her so much. It's absolutely amazing to see how involved he already is and I can't wait to see him interacting with her once she's here. :-)
I know this sounds so cliche, but I hope this helps people who are going through similar experiences to never give up!! Also, don't be ashamed or embarrassed by what you're going through! Thankfully, along the way, I felt more comfortable sharing bits of our experiences with some family and close friends. This really helped me realize it was nothing to be ashamed of, but I also didn't publicly document it as we went along because it was very emotionally tolling for us. PLEASE, please, please ask me any questions if you or someone you know is going through a similar experience and I will gladly share more of our experiences with you.
And if you have some friends or family who you think should start having kids, maybe this will help you be a little bit more sensitive to why they don't yet...
When people would ask when we were going to have kids while we were going through all of this, I would just brush it off as "hopefully soon" or "eventually", when all I wanted to shout at them sometimes was "I CAN'T!" or "We've only been trying for ____ months/years!" You have absolutely no idea what people are going through in their personal lives. Please try to be sensitive to others, especially during such an emotional process.
The reason I titled this series "(in)fertility" is because I feel like the word infertility has such a negative connotation to it, but that's often what it's referred to. I prefer to use the word fertility because I feel like it gives me hope. No one wants to hear that they're "infertile". But going through 'fertility treatments' at least gives me the outlook that we're a work in progress. Clearly our journey was not short or easy, but it was absolutely, positively, 100% worth it. Here I am, halfway through my pregnancy already, but I will never forget what we had to go through to get to this point. This little girl has been so deeply wanted and loved well before she was even created.
Thank you so much for reading. I hope you've learned something from me sharing our story. :)
Thursday, April 3, 2014
20 Weeks
Friday, March 28 - 20 weeks
We're halfway there little girl, how can that be?! And even better than that....I felt you move last night AND this morning!!!!! Daddy and I (mostly Daddy) were moving furniture in the house so he can sand and refinish the rest of the floors. When I sat down to take a break, I felt little movements really low in my belly. I rested my hand there for a while and definitely felt several more over the next few minutes. So I called Daddy over to see if he could feel, but of course you weren't moving as much and when you did, he said he couldn't feel it. It happened again this morning, in the same spot, so I grabbed Daddy's hand again, but he couldn't feel you still. :( These movements are much stronger to me than I expected, so I thought maybe Daddy could feel them too, but not yet. I'm hoping he'll be able to feel you soon, too!
Wednesday, April 2nd - 20w, 4d
You are moving like crazy in there, little one! It is so cool to feel! The first couple of days I could only feel you when I was laying down and really concentrating. But now I can feel you when I'm sitting, too. I've noticed you the most at work whenever I'm able to sit and relax (which isn't much), usually during guided reading and after I eat. I still think you're movements are too subtle for Daddy, but I know you'll be getting stronger and bigger and he'll be able to feel you, too. The movements don't feel like "flutters" or kicks, more like round little flipping movements. I can definitely understand how people would get them confused with gas/bloating, especially those who've dealt with a lot of that before. I just love feeling you move and the best is when it comes out of no where. :)
Health-wise I'm feeling great! Tomorrow is my last day on Tobi and my lungs are feeling much better. My mucus production is much less, I'm coughing less during the day, and thankfully not at night anymore. I'm sure part of this is contributed to the Kalydeco, too.
This week we start measuring you from head-to-toe (it was head-to-rump prior) and you're now supposed to be around ten inches long - about the size of a banana. This week you are practicing your swallowing and producing your meconium (which will be your first poop). Mommy didn't pass this when she was born. It was blocked in my intestines which was a huge indicator of my CF, but I'll tell you that story when you're old enough to understand.
Its crazy to think that you'll be here in four months! We can't wait!!! Daddy's trying to keep me out of stores so I don't keep buying you super adorable clothes, haha! I can see how easy its going to be to pick up a thing or two here or there, but I'm really going to try to restrain myself. We have your first shower, my staff shower, at the end of the month and I'm really looking forward to that because then we can slowly start putting your room together. Daddy's working really hard to get lots of projects done before you arrive. Right now we have all of our living room, bedroom and office furniture literally stacked in your room (along with our mattress shoved in the corner) so he can refinish the rest of the floors - they look great so far! Your Daddy is a very hard worker and one of the most creative people I know and I really hope you get that from him!
ThisWe're halfway there little girl, how can that be?! And even better than that....I felt you move last night AND this morning!!!!! Daddy and I (mostly Daddy) were moving furniture in the house so he can sand and refinish the rest of the floors. When I sat down to take a break, I felt little movements really low in my belly. I rested my hand there for a while and definitely felt several more over the next few minutes. So I called Daddy over to see if he could feel, but of course you weren't moving as much and when you did, he said he couldn't feel it. It happened again this morning, in the same spot, so I grabbed Daddy's hand again, but he couldn't feel you still. :( These movements are much stronger to me than I expected, so I thought maybe Daddy could feel them too, but not yet. I'm hoping he'll be able to feel you soon, too!
Wednesday, April 2nd - 20w, 4d
You are moving like crazy in there, little one! It is so cool to feel! The first couple of days I could only feel you when I was laying down and really concentrating. But now I can feel you when I'm sitting, too. I've noticed you the most at work whenever I'm able to sit and relax (which isn't much), usually during guided reading and after I eat. I still think you're movements are too subtle for Daddy, but I know you'll be getting stronger and bigger and he'll be able to feel you, too. The movements don't feel like "flutters" or kicks, more like round little flipping movements. I can definitely understand how people would get them confused with gas/bloating, especially those who've dealt with a lot of that before. I just love feeling you move and the best is when it comes out of no where. :)
Health-wise I'm feeling great! Tomorrow is my last day on Tobi and my lungs are feeling much better. My mucus production is much less, I'm coughing less during the day, and thankfully not at night anymore. I'm sure part of this is contributed to the Kalydeco, too.
This week we start measuring you from head-to-toe (it was head-to-rump prior) and you're now supposed to be around ten inches long - about the size of a banana. This week you are practicing your swallowing and producing your meconium (which will be your first poop). Mommy didn't pass this when she was born. It was blocked in my intestines which was a huge indicator of my CF, but I'll tell you that story when you're old enough to understand.
Its crazy to think that you'll be here in four months! We can't wait!!! Daddy's trying to keep me out of stores so I don't keep buying you super adorable clothes, haha! I can see how easy its going to be to pick up a thing or two here or there, but I'm really going to try to restrain myself. We have your first shower, my staff shower, at the end of the month and I'm really looking forward to that because then we can slowly start putting your room together. Daddy's working really hard to get lots of projects done before you arrive. Right now we have all of our living room, bedroom and office furniture literally stacked in your room (along with our mattress shoved in the corner) so he can refinish the rest of the floors - they look great so far! Your Daddy is a very hard worker and one of the most creative people I know and I really hope you get that from him!
Monday, March 24, 2014
Our (In)Fertility Journey - Part Two
To read "Part One" please click here.
After getting settled into our new rental house, setting up my classroom, and starting a brand new job teaching Kindergarten, you'd think the last thing on my mind would be getting pregnant - of course not! It's something I've always wanted and I knew it wasn't going to happen without help. I learned that one of my teacher partners was currently going through fertility treatments and decided to confide in her everything that we had gone through and asked where she was getting her fertility help from. She referred us to a wonderful clinic about 45 minutes from our new town. In late October 2012, I had my first consultation with the head nurse at the clinic.
The consultation went very well, in my opinion. I explained everything that we had been through with the genetic counselor, and the Clomid and she wanted to take a step back, dig deeper, and figure out why I wasn't getting pregnant before just putting me on some hormones. Good idea! I already liked this clinic better! And, when I asked if they had experience with CF and pregnancy, she told me she had a woman with CF in the previous day who was working towards her second pregnancy - awesome! :-) So over the next couple months I had several tests done including lots of blood work and a procedure called an HSG, and Tim had to get a semen analysis done - just to make sure he wasn't the problem. During my HSG, they inserted dye into my uterus and through my Fallopian tubes to make sure that they weren't blocked or obstructed in any way. They took x-rays the whole time to watch the dye to make sure it flowed through my tubes properly. The procedure itself wasn't too terrible, just some mild cramping during. After the procedure (which was done by an extremely pregnant doctor...of course), the doctor told me that she noticed some slight dilating in my tubes, but otherwise everything looked fine. She didn't go into detail about what that meant, so I was under the impression that this "dilating" wasn't going to be a problem...
At the end of December, a couple days before Christmas, we finally met with the fertility doctor who went over the results of all of the testing we had done over the past couple months. Tim's semen sample was pretty good, some of his sperm were not fully mature, but he said he had a big enough sample of ones that were, that he wasn't too concerned. He referred Tim to a male reproductive specialist who didn't give him too much information. Tim ended up researching online how to make his sample better, and started taking some vitamins. When he had a repeat test done a couple months later, his sample was completely normal. :) If only my issues were solved with a few extra vitamins...
The fertility doctor then explained that my hormone levels looked normal, but my tubes did not. He said that they were filled with an "embryo-toxic fluid" called hydrosalpinx which is harmful to my follicles and any embryo that tried to implant in my uterus. He said it would be best if we just "took them out". And I think that I was in such shock from trying to absorb all of this that I misunderstood what he said and thought he meant we had to take out my whole female reproductive system! I started crying while he was talking because I though "this is it, I'm never going to be able to have kids. They just have to rip everything out of me." That was not the case. He re-explained it to me, assuring me that we could still get pregnant even if I didn't have Fallopian tubes, we just couldn't do it naturally - it'd have to be through IVF.
The job of the Fallopian tubes is to bring the mature follicle to the uterus to wait for sperm to fertilize it. Without Fallopian tubes, there's no way the mature follicle could get to the uterus which meant there would be no way to naturally get pregnant. The IVF would help me produce mature follicles, then they would have to surgically be removed from my ovaries, Tim would give a semen sample, and our egg & sperm would be fertilized in a lab, and once it was mature enough, it would be inserted (through a catheter) back into my uterus to hopefully implant itself.
The plan was to have a laparoscopic surgery, which would be minimally invasive with two or three tiny incisions, to remove my Fallopian tubes. Once we decided to do the surgery though, there was obviously no going back - we would have to get pregnant through IVF. We left the appointment with a lot of information to digest and a surgery scheduled for the end of February to remove my tubes.
After getting settled into our new rental house, setting up my classroom, and starting a brand new job teaching Kindergarten, you'd think the last thing on my mind would be getting pregnant - of course not! It's something I've always wanted and I knew it wasn't going to happen without help. I learned that one of my teacher partners was currently going through fertility treatments and decided to confide in her everything that we had gone through and asked where she was getting her fertility help from. She referred us to a wonderful clinic about 45 minutes from our new town. In late October 2012, I had my first consultation with the head nurse at the clinic.
The consultation went very well, in my opinion. I explained everything that we had been through with the genetic counselor, and the Clomid and she wanted to take a step back, dig deeper, and figure out why I wasn't getting pregnant before just putting me on some hormones. Good idea! I already liked this clinic better! And, when I asked if they had experience with CF and pregnancy, she told me she had a woman with CF in the previous day who was working towards her second pregnancy - awesome! :-) So over the next couple months I had several tests done including lots of blood work and a procedure called an HSG, and Tim had to get a semen analysis done - just to make sure he wasn't the problem. During my HSG, they inserted dye into my uterus and through my Fallopian tubes to make sure that they weren't blocked or obstructed in any way. They took x-rays the whole time to watch the dye to make sure it flowed through my tubes properly. The procedure itself wasn't too terrible, just some mild cramping during. After the procedure (which was done by an extremely pregnant doctor...of course), the doctor told me that she noticed some slight dilating in my tubes, but otherwise everything looked fine. She didn't go into detail about what that meant, so I was under the impression that this "dilating" wasn't going to be a problem...
At the end of December, a couple days before Christmas, we finally met with the fertility doctor who went over the results of all of the testing we had done over the past couple months. Tim's semen sample was pretty good, some of his sperm were not fully mature, but he said he had a big enough sample of ones that were, that he wasn't too concerned. He referred Tim to a male reproductive specialist who didn't give him too much information. Tim ended up researching online how to make his sample better, and started taking some vitamins. When he had a repeat test done a couple months later, his sample was completely normal. :) If only my issues were solved with a few extra vitamins...
The fertility doctor then explained that my hormone levels looked normal, but my tubes did not. He said that they were filled with an "embryo-toxic fluid" called hydrosalpinx which is harmful to my follicles and any embryo that tried to implant in my uterus. He said it would be best if we just "took them out". And I think that I was in such shock from trying to absorb all of this that I misunderstood what he said and thought he meant we had to take out my whole female reproductive system! I started crying while he was talking because I though "this is it, I'm never going to be able to have kids. They just have to rip everything out of me." That was not the case. He re-explained it to me, assuring me that we could still get pregnant even if I didn't have Fallopian tubes, we just couldn't do it naturally - it'd have to be through IVF.
The job of the Fallopian tubes is to bring the mature follicle to the uterus to wait for sperm to fertilize it. Without Fallopian tubes, there's no way the mature follicle could get to the uterus which meant there would be no way to naturally get pregnant. The IVF would help me produce mature follicles, then they would have to surgically be removed from my ovaries, Tim would give a semen sample, and our egg & sperm would be fertilized in a lab, and once it was mature enough, it would be inserted (through a catheter) back into my uterus to hopefully implant itself.
The plan was to have a laparoscopic surgery, which would be minimally invasive with two or three tiny incisions, to remove my Fallopian tubes. Once we decided to do the surgery though, there was obviously no going back - we would have to get pregnant through IVF. We left the appointment with a lot of information to digest and a surgery scheduled for the end of February to remove my tubes.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Our (In)Fertility Journey - Part One
Many people have absolutely no idea the journey Tim and I have been through to conceive our little girl. Although it's personal and emotional (and will be graphic at times), I want to share it because I'm not ashamed that it happened this way and I want others to know that someone else out there went through the same (or similar) things to have this precious little baby.
*This is the short version*
Tim and I have always talked about having kids; it was never a matter of if, but when. Even in college, we talked about it. I figured that CF and my health were going to be a major factor, and I wanted to get pregnant when I was the healthiest version of myself. And unfortunately, I was uneducated about my own disease and thought there was no chance of ever regaining the lung function I had lost, so I assumed there was no better time than now (at age 18-19) to start trying to get pregnant before I lost more of my lung function. Thankfully, the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college, I transferred to the adult CF clinic! Tim and I presented my crazy ideas to my new CF doctor who again thankfully informed me that if I take care of myself much better than what I was doing the first 18 years of my life, then I can actually regain some of my lung function and be an even healthier version of myself. So over the next few years, I worked hard on making myself healthier with the end goal in mind of getting pregnant when we were actually ready. :)
After Tim and I got married, I decided to stop taking my birth control and let nature do it's thing. Well, I soon realized that my body was not doing it's thing. My periods were very irregular which was not allowing me to figure out if/when I was ovulating. *They do not teach you this stuff in health class! And even if I did, I was not taking notes on how to get pregnant at that time!* I had done minimal research on CF and pregnancy because there really wasn't too much out there. I had no idea if this was CF related or what, so I decided to set up an appointment with a local high-risk OB because I knew that when I eventually did get pregnant, I'd be considered high-risk. I went into the appointment basically asking if he knew anything about CF and pregnancy, which he knew very little, and also asking about my irregular periods. He suggested seeing a fertility specialist and that just blew my mind! I was not ready for those words and they crushed me. When I heard infertility, my mind automatically went to shots, IVF, hormones, multiples, etc and that freaked me out....but at the same time, we weren't getting anywhere doing things the natural way, so I knew this was where we had to go.
It was about a year later now, October 2011, (one year after we were married) and I had my first appointment with a fertility specialist about 45 minutes from where we were living/working. I met with him and discussed my CF, trying to get pregnant, my irregular cycles, etc and he automatically asked if we had Tim tested to see if he was a carrier of the CF gene. We had not. His reaction was that we were "playing with dynamite" every time we had sex because we could end up with a baby with CF.
Side note: Tim and I had talked about getting him tested when we first started trying to get pregnant, but it didn't matter to us. We figured that whatever was meant to be, was meant to be. We knew that if we did have a child with CF, we would be positive role models in his/her life, and felt that he/she would have an excellent prospective on life, especially because of all of the new treatments that were available now versus when I was growing up.
This doctor said that he "would not be doing his job" if he tried to help me get pregnant without knowing if Tim was a carrier or not. This pissed me off! Who was he to tell me that I couldn't have a child with CF? Am I not a productive member of society? Should I never have been born in his eyes? It just rubbed me the wrong way. I left that appointment very discouraged, offended and annoyed. I also left the appointment questioning whether we should have Tim tested. The doctor gave me the contact information of the genetic counselor at the hospital, and Tim and I decided to go talk to him. We didn't have a lot of local options for fertility help and figured that if we wanted to get the help we needed, then we should at least have the discussion with a professional. After several meetings with the amazing genetic counselor (he was SO nice), lots of long discussions between Tim and I, and months of me debating, we finally decided to have Tim tested to see if he was a carrier. One of the things that still sticks with me that the counselor said was, "If you were to get pregnant right now without knowing, would you be worried/concerned/thinking about it the entire pregnancy?" And my answer was yes, and that's what convinced me to have him tested. I was worried about what we would do if the results came back positive because that would mean our child would have CF for sure, and I still wasn't 100% okay with that like Tim was, so it was ultimately up to me. I needed to know. I We needed to know so we could make the best decision for our future family. So Tim ended up giving two cheek swabs (which somehow didn't produce enough DNA), and then a blood test and it was determined that he is NOT a carrier of CF! Which meant that if/when we got pregnant, our child would only be a carrier of CF, not have CF themselves. Phew!!
This brings us to the spring of 2012 when we finally learned Tim wasn't a carrier and decided to continue to seek help from the jerk because we felt it was our only option. They did some blood work on certain days of my cycle and confirmed that I have irregular periods and most likely wasn't ovulating normally...duh! They decided to put me on Clomid - a drug that would help my body produce mature follicles (where the egg grows) and then I'd give myself an injection to ensure that my body ovulated before we 'did the deed'. I started my first round of Clomid in late spring or early summer, but unfortunately my body did not respond as it was supposed to, to the drug. I was supposed to produce one or more "mature" follicles of 18-20mm in about 14 days. After 21 days, my largest follicle was only 8-9mm, so we stopped the cycle. We didn't go any further with the medication or injections because my follicles would not be mature enough that cycle to create an embryo if they were fertilized. It was kind of a bummer and a let down because after a year and a half, I felt like we were finally starting to get somewhere and then it didn't even work....little did I know what was in store for us...this was nothing!
Shortly after this cycle got canceled, I learned that I got my first teaching job three hours south of where we were currently living. Yay! I was super excited to finally have my own classroom after being an assistant for two years, and I was also super excited to move closer to my in-laws (not many people can say that - I'm very lucky!). We decided with the stress of packing, moving, and setting up my first classroom, we would not do any further cycles through the place we were going through. We decided to keep trying on our own and once we got settled, we could look for a place near our new city that could help us out. It was a bit hard knowing that it was super unlikely that I'd get pregnant without help, but I had a new job to focus on which helped take away some of the stress/emotions of trying to get pregnant....but not for long...
*This is the short version*
Tim and I have always talked about having kids; it was never a matter of if, but when. Even in college, we talked about it. I figured that CF and my health were going to be a major factor, and I wanted to get pregnant when I was the healthiest version of myself. And unfortunately, I was uneducated about my own disease and thought there was no chance of ever regaining the lung function I had lost, so I assumed there was no better time than now (at age 18-19) to start trying to get pregnant before I lost more of my lung function. Thankfully, the summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college, I transferred to the adult CF clinic! Tim and I presented my crazy ideas to my new CF doctor who again thankfully informed me that if I take care of myself much better than what I was doing the first 18 years of my life, then I can actually regain some of my lung function and be an even healthier version of myself. So over the next few years, I worked hard on making myself healthier with the end goal in mind of getting pregnant when we were actually ready. :)
After Tim and I got married, I decided to stop taking my birth control and let nature do it's thing. Well, I soon realized that my body was not doing it's thing. My periods were very irregular which was not allowing me to figure out if/when I was ovulating. *They do not teach you this stuff in health class! And even if I did, I was not taking notes on how to get pregnant at that time!* I had done minimal research on CF and pregnancy because there really wasn't too much out there. I had no idea if this was CF related or what, so I decided to set up an appointment with a local high-risk OB because I knew that when I eventually did get pregnant, I'd be considered high-risk. I went into the appointment basically asking if he knew anything about CF and pregnancy, which he knew very little, and also asking about my irregular periods. He suggested seeing a fertility specialist and that just blew my mind! I was not ready for those words and they crushed me. When I heard infertility, my mind automatically went to shots, IVF, hormones, multiples, etc and that freaked me out....but at the same time, we weren't getting anywhere doing things the natural way, so I knew this was where we had to go.
It was about a year later now, October 2011, (one year after we were married) and I had my first appointment with a fertility specialist about 45 minutes from where we were living/working. I met with him and discussed my CF, trying to get pregnant, my irregular cycles, etc and he automatically asked if we had Tim tested to see if he was a carrier of the CF gene. We had not. His reaction was that we were "playing with dynamite" every time we had sex because we could end up with a baby with CF.
Side note: Tim and I had talked about getting him tested when we first started trying to get pregnant, but it didn't matter to us. We figured that whatever was meant to be, was meant to be. We knew that if we did have a child with CF, we would be positive role models in his/her life, and felt that he/she would have an excellent prospective on life, especially because of all of the new treatments that were available now versus when I was growing up.
This doctor said that he "would not be doing his job" if he tried to help me get pregnant without knowing if Tim was a carrier or not. This pissed me off! Who was he to tell me that I couldn't have a child with CF? Am I not a productive member of society? Should I never have been born in his eyes? It just rubbed me the wrong way. I left that appointment very discouraged, offended and annoyed. I also left the appointment questioning whether we should have Tim tested. The doctor gave me the contact information of the genetic counselor at the hospital, and Tim and I decided to go talk to him. We didn't have a lot of local options for fertility help and figured that if we wanted to get the help we needed, then we should at least have the discussion with a professional. After several meetings with the amazing genetic counselor (he was SO nice), lots of long discussions between Tim and I, and months of me debating, we finally decided to have Tim tested to see if he was a carrier. One of the things that still sticks with me that the counselor said was, "If you were to get pregnant right now without knowing, would you be worried/concerned/thinking about it the entire pregnancy?" And my answer was yes, and that's what convinced me to have him tested. I was worried about what we would do if the results came back positive because that would mean our child would have CF for sure, and I still wasn't 100% okay with that like Tim was, so it was ultimately up to me. I needed to know. I We needed to know so we could make the best decision for our future family. So Tim ended up giving two cheek swabs (which somehow didn't produce enough DNA), and then a blood test and it was determined that he is NOT a carrier of CF! Which meant that if/when we got pregnant, our child would only be a carrier of CF, not have CF themselves. Phew!!
This brings us to the spring of 2012 when we finally learned Tim wasn't a carrier and decided to continue to seek help from the jerk because we felt it was our only option. They did some blood work on certain days of my cycle and confirmed that I have irregular periods and most likely wasn't ovulating normally...duh! They decided to put me on Clomid - a drug that would help my body produce mature follicles (where the egg grows) and then I'd give myself an injection to ensure that my body ovulated before we 'did the deed'. I started my first round of Clomid in late spring or early summer, but unfortunately my body did not respond as it was supposed to, to the drug. I was supposed to produce one or more "mature" follicles of 18-20mm in about 14 days. After 21 days, my largest follicle was only 8-9mm, so we stopped the cycle. We didn't go any further with the medication or injections because my follicles would not be mature enough that cycle to create an embryo if they were fertilized. It was kind of a bummer and a let down because after a year and a half, I felt like we were finally starting to get somewhere and then it didn't even work....little did I know what was in store for us...this was nothing!
Shortly after this cycle got canceled, I learned that I got my first teaching job three hours south of where we were currently living. Yay! I was super excited to finally have my own classroom after being an assistant for two years, and I was also super excited to move closer to my in-laws (not many people can say that - I'm very lucky!). We decided with the stress of packing, moving, and setting up my first classroom, we would not do any further cycles through the place we were going through. We decided to keep trying on our own and once we got settled, we could look for a place near our new city that could help us out. It was a bit hard knowing that it was super unlikely that I'd get pregnant without help, but I had a new job to focus on which helped take away some of the stress/emotions of trying to get pregnant....but not for long...
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Thankful November, Week 5
This is my final thankful November week. If you'd like to see the previous weeks, follow the links (1, 2, 3, 4). These are in no specific order, just whatever I can think of for the day, no matter how big or small.
24) I love being an aunt! We have the three cutest nephews around and yesterday we got to spend time with them. Isaac (2) wasn't feeling well because he's teething (poor guy!), but he even his 'evil eye' was still adorable! And then we have two more nephews, brothers Cole (3) and Liam (6 months). Cole is getting so big, and learning & talking so much more. Liam was passed around all day and ended the evening zonked out on my chest - it was so precious! I love spending time with our nephews and can't wait until we have our own kids, so we can watch the cousins all play together. :)
25) Cooperative, involved, supportive parents of my students! I had several dealings with uncooperative, under (or non-)-involved and un-supportive parents today and that just makes me realize how thankful I am for those that care...and show it! Teaching is not babysitting. Teaching & learning do not stop (or only happen) at school! We have to work together to do what's best for a child. That means helping with homework, holding their child accountable for their actions, coming to parent/teacher conferences, field trips, etc. Supportive parents rock!
I came across this article, called Parents Need to Be Reminded That Teachers are People, Too, posted by a fellow teacher and really enjoyed it! I really wish I could share it with my students' parents. So if you're a parent, or think that teaching must be so easy, go ahead and read that article. Also, come work with me for a week and then see what you think! :)
26) I am beyond thankful for the CF community tonight! Chapter 4 of our Day in the Life video series came out tonight (it's my favorite one out of the five) and I am overwhelmed (in a good way) with the amount of positive comments, blessings, encouragement, "likes" and shares - it's a wonderful feeling! THIS is the exact reason I did these videos. I want to inspire others with CF (or those who know someone) to have a more positive outlook on their disease. Realize that it IS possible to live a "normal" life as long as you take care of yourself.
I'm also thankful that Tim did these videos with me! I think it's really important for the CF community to hear the perspective from a spouse. He's the one that keeps me going! Even though he might not have to remind me everyday to do my treatments anymore, our relationship and our future is my motivation to be compliant and be as healthy as I can. Thank you honey, you're the best!! :-)
I'm also thankful that Tim did these videos with me! I think it's really important for the CF community to hear the perspective from a spouse. He's the one that keeps me going! Even though he might not have to remind me everyday to do my treatments anymore, our relationship and our future is my motivation to be compliant and be as healthy as I can. Thank you honey, you're the best!! :-)
27) Four day weekend!! Although we're going to be pretty busy this weekend, I love the fact that it's four consecutive days off with Tim. I hope we're able to get a lot done in our spare bedroom and I'd love to bust out the Christmas decorations!
28) I'm thankful for a hard-working, super-handy husband! We got a good chunk of items accomplished today in our spare bedroom - second coat on the walls, I repainted the baseboards and Tim installed a ceiling fan and two pot-lights. I really wanted to keep going, but it was time to stop for treatments and dinner. I'm also glad that we're not stressed out about trying to have a fancy meal this evening, especially because we're not fancy dinner kinda people. We've decided to not make dinner ourselves, that we're going out to eat = no dishes or cleaning! HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
29) Today I'm thankful for friends! Our friends Karissa and Ryan were down in our neck of the woods visiting family for Thanksgiving so they decided to stop over at our house for a little while. It was so good to see them. Since we moved last year, we're about three (or more) hours away from all of our friends from college, so its tough to see them often. I appreciate that Ryan and Karissa took time out of their family weekend to come visit. :)
30) Last, but definitely not least, I'm thankful for KALYDECO! I haven't felt the best for a few weeks this month, and I wonder how much worse I would have felt without Kalydeco helping my lungs and body. I'm thankful that its having such a positive impact on my body and that it will help prolong my life. I hope that next November I'm able to be thankful that more of my CF friends are on something that helps them this much, too!
Friday, November 8, 2013
Thankful November, Week 2
Each day of November, I'm going to take some time to recognize at least one thing I'm thankful for - no matter how big or small, then I'll post them at the end of the week. Go here to see the first week. I should also mention, that these are not in any specific order, other than one thought per day.
3) Dr. Maria Dowell, my CF doctor! She is AMAZING! I had a wonderful peds doctor, but I felt that as soon as I moved to the adult clinic, that I was finally in charge of my own health. Dr. Dowell helped me realize that I was in charge of my CF, not that CF was in charge of me. I thought there was no way to gain back lung function that I had lost. She opened my eyes to see that if I took the job of taking care of myself seriously, then I could fight back at CF, and that's exactly what I've done over the last six-seven years since being with her. Dr. Dowell gave me the kick in the ass that I very-much needed to keep myself healthy for as long as possible! She is full of information, extremely understanding, and is a great person to talk to. I know that when I see/talk to her, she has my best interest in mind. I look forward to my appointments with her several times a year, not just to see how my health is doing, but just to sit and talk with her. I appreciate, more than I can express in words, everything that she has done for me, and I hope that we can maintain this great relationship for years to come!
4) Speaking of amazing people, there's my husband, Tim! He's the second 'kick in the ass' that I needed to wake myself up and live my life. To be honest, the first day I met Tim, I didn't have this "oh my goodness, he's the one" feeling, and he was actually the one who pursued me (read about how we met, here). But a few months later, after talking to him one night online, I said to myself, "I'm gonna marry this guy!" and the called my best friend to make sure I wasn't going crazy! Haha!
Here we are seven years later and still as happy as can be. Tim is perfect for me. He laughs at my stupid jokes, and I laugh at his. He 'kept me in line' in college with my healthcare, which motivated me to be the healthiest version of myself, for him. He'll go along with me when I sign us up for 5Ks and stair climbs, and usually beat me. :) He puts up with my excess mucus like a champ and rarely ever complains. ;) He is supportive, a listener, understanding, open, happy, and loving....how could I ask for anything more??
5) Today, I'm going to go with music and the ability to listen to it (I think it's something we take for granted). Without my ability to hear, I'd miss out on all the beautiful and fun music that I like to listen to. There are some days where music just gets me through. Its something I enjoy listening to and singing along with, especially country music. I love that songs are powerful enough to bring me back to a specific time and place, and bring back so many memories and emotions. I love that there are different types of music and like to switch it up a bit depending on my mood. Music is good for my soul. :-)
6) I'm thankful for the opportunity to shoot the Day in the Life Videos with cfliving.com! When I was a teenager, hating and trying to deal with my CF, it was videos just like these that I was looking for! I hope that by participating in these videos, and sharing my story, someone somewhere is getting the little pick-me-up, motivation, advice and/or information that they need to keep themselves going! I never thought I'd be able to do something like this, and it was so fun making the videos! The cfliving people are the best! :-)
And if you haven't seen it yet, here's the latest video on routines & goals. I thrive on routine and schedule, although I still know how to be flexible when I have to be. Having a routine and setting goals for myself keeps me motivated and on track with all of my treatments! Just so happens that today is my 250th day of 100% compliance....haven't missed a vest or neb in 250 days!!
7) Today I'm thankful for technology. I love having my blog, Facebook page & groups, etc, to connect with family, friends and other CF patients around the world. I've met so many wonderful people who I would never have met if it wasn't for online communities and the internet. Today, I'm especially thankful for technology because I'm starting to catch a cold/virus/something, so I was able to email my doctor & nurse this morning to call in some Cipro for me. It's amazing that I'm able to get in touch with my doctor in Chicago and get the drugs I need the same day! I'm also thankful for the advice & information I get from other CFers I'm able to connect with through social media. Several suggested doing sinus rinses when catching a cold (and regularly) to help with sinuses. I bought one while at Walgreens picking up my Cipro and tried it this evening - what a WEIRD feeling! I still feel stuffed up on one side, but I'll keep at it over the next few days to see if it helps relieve my cold a bit faster. Thanks everyone for your help! :)
8) I'm grateful to have a 'recovery' day on Monday. I've got Monday off due to Veteran's Day, and I can already foresee that becoming a very lazy day. I've felt pretty crumby all day today and am looking forward to finishing up this third treatment so I can get to bed. Tomorrow we're heading up to Chicago to hang out with some friends and then we have the CF CLIMB on Sunday! Tim and I will be climbing 58 flights of stairs. My goal is to finish in under 30 minutes, and I'm really hoping this cold doesn't slow me down! I am thankful though, that I'll have Monday of to be completely lazy and get my schoolwork done in my PJs...and rest my legs!
3) Dr. Maria Dowell, my CF doctor! She is AMAZING! I had a wonderful peds doctor, but I felt that as soon as I moved to the adult clinic, that I was finally in charge of my own health. Dr. Dowell helped me realize that I was in charge of my CF, not that CF was in charge of me. I thought there was no way to gain back lung function that I had lost. She opened my eyes to see that if I took the job of taking care of myself seriously, then I could fight back at CF, and that's exactly what I've done over the last six-seven years since being with her. Dr. Dowell gave me the kick in the ass that I very-much needed to keep myself healthy for as long as possible! She is full of information, extremely understanding, and is a great person to talk to. I know that when I see/talk to her, she has my best interest in mind. I look forward to my appointments with her several times a year, not just to see how my health is doing, but just to sit and talk with her. I appreciate, more than I can express in words, everything that she has done for me, and I hope that we can maintain this great relationship for years to come!
4) Speaking of amazing people, there's my husband, Tim! He's the second 'kick in the ass' that I needed to wake myself up and live my life. To be honest, the first day I met Tim, I didn't have this "oh my goodness, he's the one" feeling, and he was actually the one who pursued me (read about how we met, here). But a few months later, after talking to him one night online, I said to myself, "I'm gonna marry this guy!" and the called my best friend to make sure I wasn't going crazy! Haha!
Here we are seven years later and still as happy as can be. Tim is perfect for me. He laughs at my stupid jokes, and I laugh at his. He 'kept me in line' in college with my healthcare, which motivated me to be the healthiest version of myself, for him. He'll go along with me when I sign us up for 5Ks and stair climbs, and usually beat me. :) He puts up with my excess mucus like a champ and rarely ever complains. ;) He is supportive, a listener, understanding, open, happy, and loving....how could I ask for anything more??
5) Today, I'm going to go with music and the ability to listen to it (I think it's something we take for granted). Without my ability to hear, I'd miss out on all the beautiful and fun music that I like to listen to. There are some days where music just gets me through. Its something I enjoy listening to and singing along with, especially country music. I love that songs are powerful enough to bring me back to a specific time and place, and bring back so many memories and emotions. I love that there are different types of music and like to switch it up a bit depending on my mood. Music is good for my soul. :-)
6) I'm thankful for the opportunity to shoot the Day in the Life Videos with cfliving.com! When I was a teenager, hating and trying to deal with my CF, it was videos just like these that I was looking for! I hope that by participating in these videos, and sharing my story, someone somewhere is getting the little pick-me-up, motivation, advice and/or information that they need to keep themselves going! I never thought I'd be able to do something like this, and it was so fun making the videos! The cfliving people are the best! :-)
And if you haven't seen it yet, here's the latest video on routines & goals. I thrive on routine and schedule, although I still know how to be flexible when I have to be. Having a routine and setting goals for myself keeps me motivated and on track with all of my treatments! Just so happens that today is my 250th day of 100% compliance....haven't missed a vest or neb in 250 days!!
7) Today I'm thankful for technology. I love having my blog, Facebook page & groups, etc, to connect with family, friends and other CF patients around the world. I've met so many wonderful people who I would never have met if it wasn't for online communities and the internet. Today, I'm especially thankful for technology because I'm starting to catch a cold/virus/something, so I was able to email my doctor & nurse this morning to call in some Cipro for me. It's amazing that I'm able to get in touch with my doctor in Chicago and get the drugs I need the same day! I'm also thankful for the advice & information I get from other CFers I'm able to connect with through social media. Several suggested doing sinus rinses when catching a cold (and regularly) to help with sinuses. I bought one while at Walgreens picking up my Cipro and tried it this evening - what a WEIRD feeling! I still feel stuffed up on one side, but I'll keep at it over the next few days to see if it helps relieve my cold a bit faster. Thanks everyone for your help! :)
8) I'm grateful to have a 'recovery' day on Monday. I've got Monday off due to Veteran's Day, and I can already foresee that becoming a very lazy day. I've felt pretty crumby all day today and am looking forward to finishing up this third treatment so I can get to bed. Tomorrow we're heading up to Chicago to hang out with some friends and then we have the CF CLIMB on Sunday! Tim and I will be climbing 58 flights of stairs. My goal is to finish in under 30 minutes, and I'm really hoping this cold doesn't slow me down! I am thankful though, that I'll have Monday of to be completely lazy and get my schoolwork done in my PJs...and rest my legs!
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Positive Thoughts Thursday: K, Tim and Cysters & Fibros
To start off this blog today, I googled "thankful quotes" and these caught my eye:
"I'm thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose." ~Woody Allen
"Some people are always grumbling that roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses." ~Alphonse Karr
"I'm thankful to be breathing, on this side of the grass. Whatever comes, comes." ~Ron Perlman
- I'm so happy, and lucky, to be able to say that I've been on Kalydeco for a week now! I'm still journaling how I've been feeling day to day, but I'll post several days at a time now instead of one each day, just because the changes are so minor. Overall, I'm not feeling too different from before I started except for the random rattly chest & thick mucus fits/moments throughout my day. And I really do mean random - they come out of no where!
- I'm so thankful today, and everyday, for an amazing, hard-working husband! Since we bought our house a little over a month ago, he has been working so hard on it! Yes, I try to help him with projects, but home improvement isn't really 'my thing'. I'm the 'deal with the people' & accountant of our relationship, haha!
- I love having access to the internet. I have met so many amazing people through the online CF community, I consider some of them to be my friends although we've never met in person. It's such an amazing experience to be able to talk and get to know someone who understands what you're going through, when you would have probably never have met that person if it wasn't for the internet. :-)
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Positive Thoughts Thursday: Friends, Family & Kalydeco
Each week I've been trying to spend time reflecting on the positive things going on in my life and/or the world around me. I know I've been slacking lately, but I'm really hoping to get better. What are some positive things going on in your life right now?
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| This is a picture Tim sent me while I was away for the weekend at Catie's wedding. He's made a lot of progress. I'll do before & after pics later. |
- I am so grateful for my husband, Tim! He has been working non-stop since the day we have moved into our house! Between working his normal job during the day, driving an hour home and then going straight to work on the bathroom remodel until about nine each night, I don't know how he hasn't taken a day off! He is such a perfectionist which really helps when he's putting tile in the bathroom, and his work always looks good.
- My friend, Catie, got married this past weekend!!! She couldn't have asked for a better day to get married, it was gorgeous outside and everything went very smooth. The ceremony was beautiful and the reception was a TON of fun! They had a Motown band which was amazing & had the dance floor packed the entire night!
- I'm so happy to have had this summer break! It was really nice to be able to spend time with a lot of my friends and our family this summer. Unfortunately, I did not stick to my exercise/eating routine like I should have, but I guess I'm not really surprised. So I am really looking forward to getting back into a routine next week. My first day back to work is Monday, and the kids' first day is on Wednesday! I'm a little nervous about teaching first grade this year because I've never worked in this grade, but I have two wonderful teacher-partners who I know will help me along the way. :)
- My doctor and I have decided to start the paperwork process on Kalydeco now instead of waiting until October. The more I thought about it after I left my last clinic appointment, the more I starting thinking, "Why wait?" The paperwork was submitted Tuesday and they said it typically takes about two weeks for the process, but depends entirely on insurance. So there's a very good chance that I could be starting Kalydeco in September! I'm looking forward to it and I'll keep you posted as I know more!! :-)
Thursday, August 1, 2013
A Day in the Life: Chapter One
I am SO excited to finally share this with you!!!! I've hinted at something coming up for a while now and I can finally share this wonderful experience with you! I was approached at the beginning of this year by the people at CF Living because they were looking for a "fresh face" for 2013. Someone had referred me to them, which I found so inspiring. After several phone interviews, they came out one weekend in April to film Tim and I discussing our lives with CF. I am so proud and happy that Tim was willing to do this with me! I feel it's so important to get his perspective, not just mine, because really it's something he has to deal with, too.
I cannot believe the amazing amount of feedback there's been from the video since CF Living released it one week ago. The video has had over 300 likes, over 140 shares and over 50 comments! And that's just off of the one posted by CF Living! I've seen fellow CFers, co-workers, friends, family and people I don't even know, share the video on their Facebook & Twitter pages, which I appreciate so much - the more awareness of Cystic Fibrosis, the better!!!
I never thought I'd have the opportunity to be a part of something like this, and when the chance came up there was NO way I could turn it down! THIS is exactly what I was looking for when I was going through my teenage years when I didn't want to accept CF as a part of my life. To read all of the comments about how I'm 'inspiring', 'motivating', calling me a 'role model', telling me that I 'give them hope' it's an unbelievably amazing feeling!
I can't wait until the next four chapters (Work Life, Routine & Goals, Marriage & Family, and Exercise & Nutrition) are out because they each touch on their own subject and I think they'll spark a lot of great conversations.
So without further ado, if you haven't seen it yet, or you'd like to watch it again, here's Chapter One: Meet Colleen.
A Day in the Life: Chapter 1, Meet Colleen
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Positive Thoughts Tuesday: Updates
*A few weeks ago I posted about all of our house drama which is also starting to come together. We actually submitted an offer on a major fixer-upper a couple days after that last post, on a Wednesday, I believe. We offered low because it needed a ton of work and before the listing agent even presented it to her client, she told our realtor that she thought it was too low of an offer and was acting really rude. Then the sellers told us they needed to talk to their attorney about the offer and they'd get back to us by the following Tuesday - this just turned me off. I didn't want to deal with annoying listing agents, more attorneys and delays all over again. We ended up looking at a foreclosure in the mean time that we really liked, so we withdrew our offer on the fixer-upper to submit an offer on the foreclosure Monday or Tuesday. Before we could even get our offer in on the foreclosure, it had sold. :( This meant that we were back at square one with no house, again.
So we decided to just keep looking, and we ended up looking at four houses in one night on Wednesday of last week. The last house we looked at Tim and I both really liked! It wasn't an estate, it wasn't a foreclosure, and it's not even really that much of a fixer-upper! :) We ended up looking at it one more time Thursday night and submitting our offer on Friday! We negotiated a couple times with the seller over the weekend and accepted their counter-offer on Saturday!!! Yesterday I went in to initial the papers, so we're officially under contract with a house and we're both very excited about it! Right now I'm in the process of setting up our home inspection and getting our loan approval process underway, again. :-) Let's hope this one works out this time!!
*Last weekend Tim and I drove down to TN to celebrate our nephew, Cole's third birthday and also to see his new brother, Liam who was born in the beginning of May. It was so fun to be able to hang out with Tim's sisters and their husbands and their kids for the weekend. We had a great time, but I cannot wait until they are living in Illinois so we can do this more often!
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| Aunt Colleen & Liam |
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| Uncle Tim & Cole |
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| Aunt Colleen pulling Cole & Isaac in the wagon |
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| Baby Liam :) |
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| Aunt Colleen & Cole reading "The Pout-Pout Fish" |
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| Cousin love! :) |
I had not been training for this run as well as I did last year, so I wasn't too pleased with myself when I had to stop and walk a couple times along the route. But, I am very happy that I was still able to finish in 35:29.7. Tim, on the other hand, blew right past me as soon as we started and finished his first 5K with an awesome time of 26:53.3, that's an 8:40 mile pace! It was really fun being able to do this with Tim and several of our friends this time! I hope that I can keep in shape and that this is something we can do annually together.
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| Tim & I post-race, drenched! |
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| Our whole team pre-race, nice and dry! |
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| Yay, we survived the rain! :) |
*Even with all of this craziness that's been going on, I've really had a lot of time to relax over the past few weeks, especially during the day while Tim's at work. I've been doing pretty good about getting in an extra treatment during the day - probably about 1/2 the time I do. I just finished up a few weeks of TOBI which really helped clean my lungs out and I've been feeling really good. I had a great workout today - did a 10 minute standing ab video and then a 20 minute medicine ball video that Tim and I did a lot over the winter. I've got about six more weeks until my next CF clinic appointment, so I'm really trying to get my lungs in great shape and really trying to gain some weight. My goal is to cut back on the running and to increase weight training exercises like these workout videos to gain muscle weight.
I've been watching a lot of HGTV & Dr. Phil, doing some cleaning and laundry, but I'm planning on adding more reading this summer. First on my list is The Walking Dead graphic novel! We've been watching the show since it started and I've really enjoyed it. Tim's aunt Linda read this already and said it was totally different from the TV show, so I'm excited to read it. This is the first graphic novel I've ever read, so I'm curious to see how I like it.I'm also going to see "The Book of Mormon" with Tim's aunt Linda next week, too, which is supposed to be really funny. Then I've got a bachelorette party, bridal shower, Country Thunder, (hopefully moving into our new house), and my best friend's wedding all before the new school year starts! I love having summers off! :-)
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
CF Awareness Month Blog #20 & 21
Sorry I'm running a little behind - we've been very busy lately. Saturday was Tim's 27th birthday and we celebrated by going to a St. Louis Cardinals game with his sister and her husband on Saturday evening. Unfortunately, the Cards lost in extra innings, but we had great seats and a fun time together. Sunday we spent the morning hanging out with our nephew, Isaac before heading home and grocery shopping (a thing we both hate doing!). I love that we now only live about two hours from Tim's sister because it makes it much easier to hang out for a weekend. :)
Really?! I hope after reading my blog, you have some information about what Cystic Fibrosis really is! I know that each case is a little different patient to patient, but I hope you've been able to learn the ins and outs of my case through my posts. For more information you can visit www.cff.org, www.cfliving.org, www.cysticlife.org, or to learn more about my CF click on the words "Cystic Fibrosis" under the what I write about area on the right side of this page.
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