A Year in Review: 2020

This seemed fitting

 Wow - What. A. Year.

Quarantine. Covid. Video chats. Remote learning. Toilet paper. Fear. Masks. Social distancing. Family time. Science.

I'm not sure anyone could have predicted all of the events that happened this year... at times this feels like it was the longest year ever....well, yeah, it mostly felt like the longest year ever.

I honestly couldn't even tell you what happened before mid-March, when the world went a little crazy.  Calvin celebrated his second birthday, Dr. Seuss style, with his cousin who's just one week older. That was pretty much the last large family gather we had of the year -- who would have ever thought that?! 

It's kind of funny, because the week before we began our state-wide and nationwide quarantine/lock-down, Anna had her school spring break. My district didn't have a spring break, so I was working while she was off, which meant she was at daycare all week. I felt bad that she didn't get to do anything fun, so I took Friday, March 13th off with a personal day to spend some time with her before she went back to school. Well....this was just when Covid was hitting the United States and I was too worried to take her anywhere, so we stayed home together... If only I had known that we'd be together every single day for the next 9+ months, I probably would have saved that personal day! Ha! 

On Monday, March 16th, my district had a 1/2 day of attendance for students so that teachers could prepare and send home any/all materials we may need to learn from home for the next couple weeks (or so we thought). Our official "quarantine" started on Tuesday, March 17th....and life hasn't been the same since. I remember how scary Covid-19 sounded, especially because it was so new and there were so many unknowns. As a person with CF, I was terrified of catching it, and I was so annoyed when Tim was deemed an "essential worker" and had to keep working. Because he was going into people's homes, shopping for materials at local hardware stores, etc (and because we had no idea what Covid + CF could do), Tim decided to start spending his evenings and overnights in the basement - until about May/June! It was so sad! But we were trying to stay as safe as possible. Once we started learning a bit more about Covid, the way it was transmitted, etc., Tim graduated upstairs to the couch. At this time he was working on Anna's room (plaster removal & new drywall) so she was sleeping with me. Once this project was complete, everyone was back in their own beds! 

There are several good things that came from quarantine -- Calvin was potty trained in April! Anna learned how to ride her bike without training wheels, also in April. We spent a LOT of time together, and the relationship between Anna and Calvin really blossomed. Calvin also started riding Anna's old little blue bike with training wheels this fall, which really made him feel like a big kid. I joined Usborne Books & More as a book lady which has been really fun. Tim & I celebrated ten years of marriage! We've all stayed very healthy - thank goodness! 

There have also been some really tough times -- We've spent a LOT of time together, ha! It's been over 9 months of the kids and I together 24/7 without many places to go. Unfortunately, we didn't have a lot of our usual summer activities to occupy our time, so we took a lot of walks, rode bikes, etc. 

Another difficulty I've had this year is having a chronic illness during a pandemic and feeling like I have to prove my worth to people. Apparently during a global pandemic, people's true colors really come out and it was quite clear who was a "survival of the fittest" type person, and those who truly care about others. 

Because of my CF, I was automatically in the "higher risk" category when it comes to Covid. And I've worked so hard to keep myself healthy, I just couldn't risk my own health -- my husband and kids don't deserve that. When it came to summer and the discussion of what to do about returning to school, everyone was approaching uncharted territory. Originally, my district's in-person schooling plan sounded pretty safe, I felt like they thought of everything....but then slowly and steadily, the cases in our county began to rise as people started relaxing more over the summer. Watching the cases rise, I decided I could not risk my health by teaching in-person. 

Long story short (yes, this is the short version)...I had to take a leave of absence and an amazing sub was put in my classroom "until we go remote". Well, of course, we were in-person for a large majority of the entire semester until after Thanksgiving, so I helped my team as best as I could from home, and then taught from home from Thanksgiving til Christmas. It was not ideal by any means, especially because I was on leave (which mean I was only paid for a portion). This left Tim and I feeling really nervous about our finances. The district assured me I wouldn't lose my position and benefits, but we couldn't lose my salary from January-August - there's no way we could have survived, but no one seemed to be listening or trying to come up with a solution. So I did the only thing I could think of, I basically went to the board and begged for them to consider continuing my salary even when my leave ran out, because I was working from home to support my sub and my team. Thankfully I was able to work with my union after my speech to the board, and we were able to negotiate an amended contract for the rest of this school year. 

Anyway - I explain all of this because if I didn't fight for myself, I would likely not be working or being paid right now.....because I have Cystic Fibrosis and I didn't feel comfortable risking my life to do my job this year. It was so tough feeling like I was replaceable and undervalued. In a conversation with someone, it was brought up how fear cannot determine who takes a leave and who doesn't....but to me, this is human nature. I'm sorry, but I feel like it should be okay for someone to feel uncomfortable to be expected to risk their health and their life to do their job, but that is not the feeling I got this fall. I feel like a lot of people lost their human nature and compassion during these crazy Covid times. 

Yes, I have Cystic Fibrosis, but that shouldn't make me any less valuable than the next person. But in times of scary pandemic - where you never know how this mysterious illness will effect you - apparently a pre-existing health condition changes things. That was VERY hard for me to accept. I have worked so hard to be "normal" despite my CF, that this year just brought my CF to the forefront of who I am, and I hated it. It defined the way I was able to perform my job duties - although I am very thankful to be able to work from home - it's not the same! I want to be able to do my job like everyone else, but this year I couldn't and that is/was hard for me to accept. 

No one knows what the future holds, but I am excited about the new vaccines that are slowly becoming available. I plan to have a conversation with my care team about what is best for me. I fully support science, doctors, etc. I would NOT be where I am today without science, doctors, research, clinical trials, new drugs... I know it makes people nervous, but I fully back these scientists and doctors - it's their job and we need to learn to trust people in their profession (teachers, doctors, scientists to name a few). With the CF modulaters (Kalydeco, Orkambi, Symdeco, and Trikafta), they all had to go through the same clinical trial process, but with a very small, limited amount of participants. There are only about 30,000 people with CF in the United States, and for these clinical trials, people had to have the specific gene mutation for the drug -- and the drug that I'm on, Kalydeco treats a gene mutation only in about 4% of the CF population -- that's only about 1,200 people! Only a small portion of those people were a part of the clinical trials which led to a life-changing drug for me! I cannot thank those clinical trial participants enough for putting themselves in there in the name of science! I'm saying all of this because I know people think the Covid vaccine was rushed and not tested on enough people, but I think - let the scientists/researchers do their job! They wouldn't be allowed to put it out to the public if it wasn't safe. Anyway, I don't want to make this into a vaccine debate, I just want to express my complete faith in science and how I'm truly grateful for it!! 

Other things I want to remember from this year:

*Anna has rocked remote learning - her district has been 100% remote this school year. She has a great routine established, an awesome teacher who challenges her, and she has learned a lot. 

*I'm thankful for family & friends who understood the importance of my health, and our necessity of social distancing this whole time. Although I miss large family gatherings, I'm not going to lie when I say that I have really enjoyed keeping things simple this year!

*I read 53 books this year! Anna and I read 12 Captain Underpants books together, among many others, and I read a lot of books on my own. She also started reading independently this fall which just makes my heart happy!

*Calvin has started growing/maturing emotionally. He's always been more emotional than Anna ever was, and it's something we've been working on for almost 18 months now. Although, being home with me for the last 9 months straight has made his attachment and our bond a lot stronger (he's still quite a momma's boy!), he's doing better at working through his strong emotions. Parenting him has been so different from Anna, but it's made me learn a lot more patience, grace, and understanding. :)

*I'm so thankful for Tim - he always stays so level-headed and is able to help ground me when I'm feeling emotional or not in control (hello 2020!). He encouraged me to fight for myself this fall and always supports my crazy ideas. He never once complained about having to sleep in the basement for a couple months. He may not be outwardly affectionate, but he has shown me in many ways how much he cares about me and our kids. We truly make a great team!

*Here's to a happy, healthy 2021! 

Sept. 2020