Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Our Infertility Journey: Round Three, Part One

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. To raise awareness, I'm going to begin sharing our third fertility journey. 

(If you'd like to read our previous two fertility journeys, scroll down under the "What I write about" section and click on the word "infertility" and you'll actually want to read from the bottom-up to go in order.)

This time around is going to be much different than years past, because the idea of getting pregnant after a loss is extremely terrifying and so exciting at the same time. When I type these blogs, I keep them in a "journal style" to capture my true feelings and thoughts for that day, along with the progress of our fertility treatments. With my past two pregnancies, I've shared all of the posts after knowing I was already pregnant. This time around, I haven't decided how much I want to share. More than ever, I feel like every pregnancy and every life should be celebrated, no matter how long. That being said, it makes me nervous to share every detail while we're going through it. So, I'll be sharing information as I'm comfortable this time around, and I'm not sure what that's going to look like yet. 

I started this blog post just 12 days after we lost our boys because I was trying to look to the future and find something positive and hopeful to focus on. I have no idea where this third journey is going to take us. I feel like it's the scariest one so far: 

February 17
After the miscarriage of our twin boys at 19 weeks and 4 days, it was never a question in my mind or Tim's mind about whether or not we'd try again. We could not have this tragedy stop our family from growing like we always wanted it to. We both agreed that as soon as my body was ready, and our emotions were ready, that we'd start trying again.

I'm very happy to say that the wheels are already in motion on expanding our family again. It gives me hope. It gives me something to look forward to. Surprisingly, it makes me excited to go back again because I believe it's possible for me to get pregnant again and I'm having really good feelings about it all right now. 

Yesterday, I was contacted by the fertility clinic letting me know that they heard about what happened from MFM and they asked if we were interested in coming back - of course I said yes! So we set up a follow-up meeting with the fertility doctor for next Wednesday afternoon. Tim and I talked about it last night and we're both looking forward to it. As of right now, our plan/ideas are to go through with another IUI (I'd like to start right off with injections, where we left off last time), and not to do the actual procedure unless there is ONE mature follicle on the correct side. 

When I got pregnant with the boys, there were two mature follicles when I went in for the IUI. One was a little smaller than the other, so I really didn't think it would take, but in the back of my mind, I knew it was a possibility. This time around, I only want to go forward with one follicle at a time. We will never know why we lost our boys, but I don't think my body can handle twins again. Maybe it was the stress of two babies on my "sick" body, maybe it was just that my cervix gave out because of the added weight/pressure of two growing boys - who knows...we never will. But it makes me nervous to go through with another twin pregnancy because everything about Anna's "singleton" pregnancy was perfect and easy. I know my body can handle one baby, so that's the route that I'd personally feel comfortable with.

Our fertility doctor has been very understanding and respectful of our wants/feelings in the past, so I hope that he's open to hear what we have to say and willing to work with us again. :)

February 22
We met with our fertility doctor this afternoon and it went really well. He wants us to wait until I've had two periods before trying again. Originally, I wanted to pick up where we left off (injections & IUI), but now I'm torn...of course.
When I explained to the Dr. that I wanted to try IUI again he completely understood. But when I told him that I was against going through with the IUI if I have more than one mature follicle, he started talking about doing IVF instead. There are a lot more controlled components when it comes to IVF, including the number of fertilized eggs (embryos) that would be put back in my uterus. He feels that we'd be very successful with IVF, which we had discussed in the fall, because it is so controlled and I don't have too many issues beyond the one Fallopian tube. Thankfully we still have time to decide what we want to do. It was really nice discussing our options today because this makes me hopeful and gives me something to look forward to.

I'm torn because we've been successful with IUI, but it could take some time to get the right circumstances for it to work again. With IVF, our time could be shorter, but the process is a bit more intense. As of right now, we're scheduled to do IVF in May, but the more I thought about it after we left, that is probably one of the last months I'd pick to do that because of it being the last month of the school year. So, when I get my first period, they'd like to me to call them and I think I'm going to ask them to push the IVF back to June or July, so I will be less stressed and more available for appointments. Now we have to decide if we want to try an IUI in April and/or May, or just go straight to IVF this time. Again, I'm glad we have time to think about it because its a lot to consider, but I'm so glad we have something to look forward to in the next few months.

March 14
I started spotting last night, finally (5 weeks and one day later)!! I've never wanted a period so bad in my life! I am so ready to get the ball rolling on fertility treatments again, As of right now, after milling our options over in my head several times over the last few weeks, I think I want to go straight to IVF. I am so anxious to get pregnant again because the need to grow our family is so strong. I feel like IVF will get us there the quickest, hopefully. It all depends on my cycles and what my body decides to do that will determine the timing. If it happens in May, great. If we have to wait til June,that's fine, too. I just hope that my spotting turns into a full period today! As long as it does, I'll be calling the fertility clinic to let them know and see what our next steps are.

March 27
So far so good, my body had a regular period for a few days and I'm probably about 2-3 weeks out from my next one.

April 6
It's been two months, yesterday, since the boys were born. According to my fertility tracker app, my period should be starting next week. That would be nice because I have next week off for spring break, so if I have to have any appointments at the fertility clinic, my schedule is wide open. This will be my second period, meaning we'd get the ball rolling on IVF, starting with birth control (weird, right?!) which is ready and waiting with all of my other meds.
IVF is starting to feel within grasp now and it's making me a little nervous when I think about the intensity of everything - lots of shots and new meds, possible over-stimulation, retrieval, transfer, etc... It makes me nervous that the process is going to be stressful and emotional, but I have to keep my eye on the end goal which is expanding our family. I hope that when I do get my period and the clinic checks my body, everything looks good to begin in May.


  1. I can't wait to see pics of your newest baby that will be here in no time, Colleen!

  2. You are a fighter and I am so excited and happy for you to begin this journey again. -Amanda