Monday, August 7, 2017

6 & 7 Weeks

Saturday, June 24 - 6w, 2d
I went to my CF appointment on Thursday and told Dr. Dowell about you. I hadn't seen her since we lost your brothers (She said "The rug wasn't pulled out from under you, the whole floor was."), so it was pretty emotional for both of us. We had a nice little hug and cry together as I talked about how nervous I am to be pregnant again. We both agreed that hopefully with it just being one little baby it should be better on my body. She encouraged me to start exercising, even if it's just walking, to help with some stress and to help my lungs and body to prepare for a growing baby, and eventually, labor. 

I called the MFM team yesterday to try to schedule my next appointment, but they won't even consider it, even though I've been there in the past, until the get a referral. So I had to call the fertility clinic and they called a referral into MFM for me in the afternoon. I'll try to call again on Monday to hopefully get something scheduled within the next week or two. I just want to see that you're in there - with a tiny little body and a beautiful beating heart.

Thursday, June 29 - 7 weeks
One more week until we see you little Bean! The high risk clinic won't see me until we have a viable heart beat, so I'm heading back to the fertility clinic for another ultrasound next Thursday. You'll be eight weeks along then, so I'm excited to see how big you are already.

The last few days, I've had a feeling that you're a boy and I'm not sure why. I just can't picture you as a girl. It might be because I was expecting two little boys last time, but I'm not sure. Speaking of, yesterday was my "due date" with the twins. Now, I don't know any twin moms who actually carry their babies til 40 weeks, but it was still a little hard to see the words "Due date!" written on the calendar. I have a lot of mixed emotions being pregnant again. I have a hard time believing that I am pregnant because I haven't seen/heard your heart beat, but also because I'm afraid of getting attached and losing you, too.

I've still been pretty tired, but haven't taken a nap since Sunday. Yesterday and today I had a little bit of a queasy/nauseous feeling every now and then (like when brushing my teeth), but nothing too terrible. I had this with the twins, too, so I think that's maybe why I'm thinking you're a boy.

I cannot wait to tell everyone. As much as I don't want the summer to fly by, I can't wait to spill the beans at Anna's birthday party! And it's going to be double the surprise when they find out Elise is pregnant, too, and that we're only ten days apart! :) I hope that once everyone knows it'll help make it feel more real for me, too.

Tuesday, July 4 - 7w, 5d
Still feeling exhausted, but not tired enough to nap. It's like my body is just tired. I've had more food aversions this week. Things aren't sounding good and I'm having to make myself eat sometimes, not feeling hungry very often. I'm still thinking you're a boy, but while I was looking in the baby name book yesterday, I made sure to jot down a couple girl names I like, just in case. These little symptoms are reassuring me that you're growing and developing. Two more days and we'll be able to see you, finally!

Wednesday, July 5 - 7w, 6d
I'm 29 years old today! Mama's feeling old! I'm so anxious for my appointment tomorrow. Again, I'm just worried that something is going to be wrong and I don't think that feeling is going to go away until you're safely, full term, in my arms.
Daddy got me your baby book, a monthly picture frame like Anna has, and a picture frame for your ultrasound pictures that says "We love you already" today for my birthday. I didn't know whether to cry or get excited. I can't bring myself to fully embrace this pregnancy yet because I haven't seen you, so hopefully tomorrow a little weight will be lifted off of my shoulders. 

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