Wow, as we come up on a week already since losing the boys, I am overwhelmed with many emotions.
Of course I'm sad that all of this happened. It hurts that we won't see our little guys grow up together with their sister. I'm still confused as to why this happened - something we will never, ever have the answer to. I'm disappointed that after going through months and months of fertility treatments to even get pregnant, we had to say good-bye to our little boys before they were ready to be born. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted from the actual event of it all, and replaying it in my mind over and over...
But despite all of these "expected" emotions, I've also been overwhelmed with love. The love that I have for my husband and daughter has been my strength to get me through this. The way he has supported me over this week makes me so proud and so lucky to be his wife. We've both been so happy to have Anna as our little ray of sunshine to keep us happy and laughing during the difficult/emotional moments.
But what's more, is that I cannot believe how lucky we are to have such amazing people in our lives! The amount of love that has come our way over this last week has been absolutely amazing and I cannot even begin to put into words (even though I'm going to try) how thankful we are to each and every person that reached out to us.
When such a tragedy happens to a loved one, as an outsider, you don't know what to do or say that's going to make those people feel better. You don't want to say too much, or not enough, and you really don't know what you're supposed to do.
But when the tragedy happens to you, I've realized that it doesn't matter what people say or how much they say - what matters is that they are there and that you know they love you. I didn't know what I wanted people to say to me after all of this -- what could they really say that was going to make me feel better?! What helped was knowing that people cared, no matter how they showed it. Our family and friends have been amazing over this last week. The outpouring of love towards our family has been unbelievable and truly, greatly appreciated. We seriously have the best family supporting us through this situation.
And a special shout-out to my work family! Holy cow, you guys! I've worked in this building for five years, and have seen our staff come together and support each other and our families many, many times. But to be on the receiving end of that support....it's unimaginable. To see that the people you work along side every day (and some you just see in passing because we're all so busy) truly care about you and your family is amazing. Again, I cannot express how thankful we are to everyone who helped cover my classroom, fill in my plans, talk to and support my kids through this hard time, donate their sick days, their time, their energy to make getting through this difficult time just a tad bit easier - it means the world to me.
I know that my emotions are going to be all over the place for a long time coming, and I don't think it's ever something we'll completely get over, but it'll get easier with time. But for those rough, emotional, hard times, I know that we are absolutely surrounded by people that love us so much and that truly makes all the difference. So, to every single person who has reached out to our family in any way, THANK YOU are not big enough words to express how much we appreciate you and your love.