We began this year excited for and anticipating the arrival of our twin little boys. We just purchased a larger vehicle to accommodate three car seats and slowly started discussing nursery plans. Unfortunately, this opportunity was ripped away from us in the early morning hours of February 5th, when little Baby A decided to make his arrival (and Baby B just a couple hours later) at just 19 weeks and 4 days. It was absolutely one of the hardest things I have ever been through, truly awful. But we very thankfully had wonderful family, friends, and work-family supporting us and are able to look back on our little guys, now 10 months later and remember their sweet little faces. Some days/moments have been harder than others, but I think that Tim and I are healing well.
This tragedy was not going to stop us from expanding our family, in March we continued the discussion with our fertility doctor about trying to get get pregnant again, this time making sure there was just one little baby when the time came. At the same time, I was learning how to cope and deal with my mixed emotions about losing two babies in such a tragic way.
April was a very memorable month for me because my sister-in-law, Katrina, and I decided to get tattoos to remember the children we've lost. I still am so grateful to have my boys' little footprints on me every single day. It reminds me what we've been through and what I'm so lucky to have now.
May was filled with fertility treatments, shots, appointments and ended with our first IVF transfer and four frozen embryos. It was an emotional month because I was also wrapping up a school year with several coworkers who would not be returning the following year.
In June we found out our IVF was successful, and the worry set in immediately. I was terrified of losing the baby again; I was afraid to get attached to the pregnancy only to see if fail; each doctor appointment was more stressful than the one before as I anticipated bad news each time.
In July, I was grateful to see my pregnancy progress normally and was so anxious to spill the beans! Anna and I spent lots of time together, doing fun things and soaking up the joys of summer.
August brought mixed emotions and back to the grind of busy schedules - six months since delivering the twins, Anna turned three, we shared the news of our Rainbow Baby & a new baby cousin due only weeks apart, Anna started preschool, we found out Rainbow Baby is a BOY, and I started my Master's.
In September, the MFM team began to monitor my cervix to make sure it was staying strong (no issues, thank goodness!) and I began my appointments every two weeks. We also went on our annual family camping trip which was really warm this year, but as always, so much fun!
October was Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. Tim, Anna, Katrina, Isaac and I attended the SHARE Walk in Missouri to remember our boys. Their support has meant the world to me this year! To end the month, I started insulin and was officially diagnosed with gestational diabetes.
November was fairly uneventful. I was super busy keeping up with teaching and Master's homework, but also had the opportunity to attend a National Science Teacher Conference in Milwaukee with a few of my awesome coworkers.
December was busy with end of the semester projects and homework, but it was worth it because I passed both classes with an A! We continued to make some progress on Brother's room in between all of our family Christmases.
This is a year that we will never forget. Tim & I's lives were forever changed this year after losing two of our children. I am so thankful to have such a wonderful, supportive husband who helped get me through this awful time. I'm also super thankful to be ending this year on a positive note. Brother is now 33+5 weeks along and developing beautifully. Anna is thriving in school, growing and maturing right before our eyes. We are very lucky! I hope that our biggest challenge this upcoming year is raising two kids while working full time and while I continue my Master's -- that sounds like enough for me! Every year for the last four years, I've had to report the death of a loved one on my annual review, and I'm hoping that this year will bring health and happiness to all of those around us!
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